Building bonds of love

To sustain a human relationship requires a lot of effort on the part of both the partners involved. And to counteract the tendency for your love relationship to fall apart you need to work towards it. Here’s how you can do it:

Be intimate psychologically by sharing your innermost experiences and deepest feelings with the person you love. Talk everyday about your impressions of the people and events you encounter, reveal your most important goals in life, share your reactions to the triumphs and failures you experience.

Maintain physical intimacy. Express your feelings of love. You could hug and kiss in private and hold hands in public.

Talk and discuss each day about your ‘other lives’ that includes your work, your families, your hobbies, and any other areas of life you may not always experience together.

Have a sense of humour. Make each other laugh especially in a mature relationship where you may have forgotten the importance of being funny.

Try to express love in ways your partner considers important. Some need to see proof of love (for example, gifts or things you do); some need to hear proof of love (for example saying “I love you” or giving compliments); some need to feel the proof of love (for example, through hugs and kisses). Explain to your partner which of these expressions you consider important to feel loved.

Both of you should make a list of things the other can do to reinforce the feeling of being cared for. Do at least one thing on your lover’s list every day.

View the flaws you see in your lover as coal that hasn’t yet turned into diamond. Don’t plan or hope to change a thing. If you can’t accept that “what you see is what is what you get”, leave the relationship before it’s too late.