Cricket has reached exciting levels with the introduction of twenty twenty. If the same thing was Infused into exams, it would have been something like this :-
1. Reduce exam duration to 1 hr and marks to 50.
2. Introduce strategic break after 30 minutes.
3. Give free hit, that is a chance for students to frame their own questions and write answers.
4. 1st 15 minutes power play, that is no invigilator in the exam hall.
(Wow I will love this!)
5. Introduce fair play awards.
6.Cheer girls to cheer for every correct answer written!
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Sunday, April 26, 2009
The Air-Hostess
A man was sitting in the bar at Heathrow Terminal 3 and noticed a really beautiful woman sitting next to him.
He thought to himself . "Wow, she's so gorgeous she must be an air hostess. I wonder which airline she works for?"
Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards her and uttered the Delta Airline slogan. "Love to fly and it shows?"
She gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thought to himself "Well, she obviously doesn't work for Delta."
A moment later, another slogan popped into his head. So he leaned towards her again and said, "Something special in the air ..?"
She gave him the same confused look. He mentally kicked himself and scratched Singapore Airlines off his list.
He thought "Perhaps she works for Thai Airways..." and said, "Smooth as silk?"
This time the woman turned on him and said, "What the f*** do you want?"
The man smiled, slumped back in his chair and said "Ahhhhh, British Airways!"
He thought to himself . "Wow, she's so gorgeous she must be an air hostess. I wonder which airline she works for?"
Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards her and uttered the Delta Airline slogan. "Love to fly and it shows?"
She gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thought to himself "Well, she obviously doesn't work for Delta."
A moment later, another slogan popped into his head. So he leaned towards her again and said, "Something special in the air ..?"
She gave him the same confused look. He mentally kicked himself and scratched Singapore Airlines off his list.
He thought "Perhaps she works for Thai Airways..." and said, "Smooth as silk?"
This time the woman turned on him and said, "What the f*** do you want?"
The man smiled, slumped back in his chair and said "Ahhhhh, British Airways!"
Friday, April 17, 2009
An Interesting Customer Complaint:
This is a real story that happened between the customer of General Motors and its customer-care executive. A complaint was received by the Pontiac Division of General Motors: "This is the second time I have written to you, and I don't blame you for not answering me, because I sounded crazy, but it is a fact that we have a tradition in our family of ice cream for dessert after dinner each night. But the kind of ice cream varies, so every night, after we've eaten the whole family votes on which kind of ice cream we should have and I drive down to the store to get it. "
It's also a fact that I recently purchased a new Pontiac and since then my trips to the store have created a problem. You see, every time I buy a vanilla ice cream, when I start back from the store my car won't start.
If I get any other kind of ice cream, the car starts just fine.
I want you to know I'm serious about this question, no matter how silly it sounds: "What is there about a Pontiac that makes it not start when I get vanilla ice cream, and easy to start whenever I get any other kind?"
The Pontiac President was understandably skeptical about the letter, but sent an engineer to check it out anyway. The latter was surprised to be greeted by a successful, obviously well educated man in a fine neighborhood. He had arranged to meet the man just after dinnertime, so the two hopped into the car and drove to the ice cream store. It was vanilla ice cream that night and, sure enough, after they came back to the car, it wouldn't start.
The engineer returned for three more nights. The first night, they got chocolate. The car started. The second night, he got strawberry. The car started. The third night he ordered vanilla. The car failed to start.
Now the engineer, being a logical man, refused to believe that this man's car was allergic to vanilla ice cream. He arranged, therefore, to continue his visits for as long as it took to solve the problem. And towards this end he began to take notes, he jotted down all sorts of data: time of day, type of gas used, time to drive back and forth etc.
In a short time, he had a clue: the man took less time to buy vanilla than any other flavor. Why? The answer was in the layout of the store. Vanilla, being the most popular flavor, was in a separate case at the front of the store for quick pickup. All the other flavors were kept in the back of the store at a different counter where it took considerably longer to check out the flavor. Now, the question for the engineer was why the car wouldn't start when it took less time. Once time became the problem and not the vanilla ice-cream, the engineer quickly came up with the answer: "Vapor lock". It was happening every night; but the extra time taken to get the other flavors allowed the engine to cool down sufficiently to start. When the man got vanilla, the engine was still to hot for the vapor lock to dissipate.
Remember: Even crazy-looking problems are sometimes real and all problems seem to be simple only when we find the solution with a cool thinking.
Moral: Don't just say its "IMPOSSIBLE" without putting in sincere effort.
It's also a fact that I recently purchased a new Pontiac and since then my trips to the store have created a problem. You see, every time I buy a vanilla ice cream, when I start back from the store my car won't start.
If I get any other kind of ice cream, the car starts just fine.
I want you to know I'm serious about this question, no matter how silly it sounds: "What is there about a Pontiac that makes it not start when I get vanilla ice cream, and easy to start whenever I get any other kind?"
The Pontiac President was understandably skeptical about the letter, but sent an engineer to check it out anyway. The latter was surprised to be greeted by a successful, obviously well educated man in a fine neighborhood. He had arranged to meet the man just after dinnertime, so the two hopped into the car and drove to the ice cream store. It was vanilla ice cream that night and, sure enough, after they came back to the car, it wouldn't start.
The engineer returned for three more nights. The first night, they got chocolate. The car started. The second night, he got strawberry. The car started. The third night he ordered vanilla. The car failed to start.
Now the engineer, being a logical man, refused to believe that this man's car was allergic to vanilla ice cream. He arranged, therefore, to continue his visits for as long as it took to solve the problem. And towards this end he began to take notes, he jotted down all sorts of data: time of day, type of gas used, time to drive back and forth etc.
In a short time, he had a clue: the man took less time to buy vanilla than any other flavor. Why? The answer was in the layout of the store. Vanilla, being the most popular flavor, was in a separate case at the front of the store for quick pickup. All the other flavors were kept in the back of the store at a different counter where it took considerably longer to check out the flavor. Now, the question for the engineer was why the car wouldn't start when it took less time. Once time became the problem and not the vanilla ice-cream, the engineer quickly came up with the answer: "Vapor lock". It was happening every night; but the extra time taken to get the other flavors allowed the engine to cool down sufficiently to start. When the man got vanilla, the engine was still to hot for the vapor lock to dissipate.
Remember: Even crazy-looking problems are sometimes real and all problems seem to be simple only when we find the solution with a cool thinking.
Moral: Don't just say its "IMPOSSIBLE" without putting in sincere effort.
Doubt in Mahabharat
In some remote village of India, one masterji is teaching the Mahabharat
katha to class 6 students.
He is at the 'Krishnajanma' part of it.
Masterji: "Kansa heard the akashwani that his sister's 8th child is going
to kill him. He was furious. He ordered to put Vasudev n Devki behind the
bars. First son is born, and Kansa kills him by poisoning... Second one is
born n Kansa throws him off the mountain peak. Third one is born...."
Now Ramu, who is smartest of the lot, puts up his hand. "Masterji, I have
a doubt" (sounding nervous n confused)
Masterji: "Ramu bete, whole india does not have doubt in Mahabharata then
how come u have one?"
Ramu : Masterji, if Kansa knew that Devaki's 8th child was going to Kill him,
"WHY THE HELL DID HE PUT VASUDEV AND DEVAKI IN THE SAME CELL ?"
Masterji fainted.........................
katha to class 6 students.
He is at the 'Krishnajanma' part of it.
Masterji: "Kansa heard the akashwani that his sister's 8th child is going
to kill him. He was furious. He ordered to put Vasudev n Devki behind the
bars. First son is born, and Kansa kills him by poisoning... Second one is
born n Kansa throws him off the mountain peak. Third one is born...."
Now Ramu, who is smartest of the lot, puts up his hand. "Masterji, I have
a doubt" (sounding nervous n confused)
Masterji: "Ramu bete, whole india does not have doubt in Mahabharata then
how come u have one?"
Ramu : Masterji, if Kansa knew that Devaki's 8th child was going to Kill him,
"WHY THE HELL DID HE PUT VASUDEV AND DEVAKI IN THE SAME CELL ?"
Masterji fainted.........................
Difference between Potentiality and Reality
Youngest Son: "Tell me Daddy, what is the difference between 'Potentially' and 'reality'?"
Dad: "I will show you".
Dad turns to his wife and asks her: "Would you sleep with Bill Gates for 1 million dollars"?
Wife: "Yes of course! I would never waste such an opportunity"!
Then Dad asks his daughter, if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for 1 Million dollars?
Daughter: "Wow! Yes! He is my fantasy!"
Then Dad turns to his elder son and asks him: "Would you sleep with, Tom Cruise for 1 million dollars"?
Elder Son: "Yeah! Why not? Imagine what I could do with 1 million Dollars! I would never hesitate!"
So the father turns back to his younger son saying: "You see son, 'Potentially' we are sitting on 3 million dollars, but in 'Reality'
we are living with 2 prostitutes and 1 gay.
Dad: "I will show you".
Dad turns to his wife and asks her: "Would you sleep with Bill Gates for 1 million dollars"?
Wife: "Yes of course! I would never waste such an opportunity"!
Then Dad asks his daughter, if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for 1 Million dollars?
Daughter: "Wow! Yes! He is my fantasy!"
Then Dad turns to his elder son and asks him: "Would you sleep with, Tom Cruise for 1 million dollars"?
Elder Son: "Yeah! Why not? Imagine what I could do with 1 million Dollars! I would never hesitate!"
So the father turns back to his younger son saying: "You see son, 'Potentially' we are sitting on 3 million dollars, but in 'Reality'
we are living with 2 prostitutes and 1 gay.
Thursday, April 09, 2009
Friday, March 06, 2009
The Environmentalist.
A woman from Vancouver, who was a tree hugger and anti-hunter, purchased acres of timberland, near Lake Cowichan, Vancouver Island. There was a huge tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to view the natural splendor of her land, so she climbed the tree. As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl. It attacked her!
In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground. The ensuing fall incurred several splinters of wood: in her crotch. In considerable pain, she hurried to the doctor, 35 minutes away in Duncan. She told him she was an environmentalist and anti-hunter and how she came to receive all of the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience. He then told her to go into the examining room and he would see if he could help.
The impatient patient sat, and sat, and waited for three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry woman demanded, 'What took you so long?'
He smiled and said , 'Well, I had to get permits from Environment Canada, the BC Forest Service and Worksafe BC before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area.
I'm sorry, but they turned me down.'
!! OH CANADA !!
In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground. The ensuing fall incurred several splinters of wood: in her crotch. In considerable pain, she hurried to the doctor, 35 minutes away in Duncan. She told him she was an environmentalist and anti-hunter and how she came to receive all of the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience. He then told her to go into the examining room and he would see if he could help.
The impatient patient sat, and sat, and waited for three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry woman demanded, 'What took you so long?'
He smiled and said , 'Well, I had to get permits from Environment Canada, the BC Forest Service and Worksafe BC before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area.
I'm sorry, but they turned me down.'
!! OH CANADA !!
Monday, March 02, 2009
Jobs in America
John Smith started the day early having set his alarm
clock
(MADE IN JAPAN )
for 6 am.
While his
coffeepot
(MADE IN CHINA )
was perking, he shaved with his
electric razor
(MADE IN HONG KONG ).
He put on a
dress shirt
(MADE IN SRI LANKA ),
designer jeans
(MADE IN SINGAPORE )
and
tennis shoes
(MADE IN KOREA )
After cooking his breakfast in his new
electric skillet
(MADE IN INDIA )
he sat down with his
calculator
(MADE IN MEXICO )
to see how much he could spend today. After setting his
watch
(MADE IN TAIWAN )
to the
radio
(MADE IN INDIA )
he got in his
car
(MADE IN GERMANY )
filled it with
GAS
(from Saudi Arabia )
and continued his search
for a good paying AMERICAN JOB.
At the end
of yet another discouraging
and fruitless day
checking his
Computer
(Made In Malaysia ),
Joe decided to relax for a while.
He put on his
sandals
(MADE IN BRAZIL )
poured himself a glass of
wine
(MADE IN FRANCE )
and turned on his
TV
(MADE IN INDONESIA ),
and then wondered
why he can't find
a good paying job
in AMERICA.
clock
(MADE IN JAPAN )
for 6 am.
While his
coffeepot
(MADE IN CHINA )
was perking, he shaved with his
electric razor
(MADE IN HONG KONG ).
He put on a
dress shirt
(MADE IN SRI LANKA ),
designer jeans
(MADE IN SINGAPORE )
and
tennis shoes
(MADE IN KOREA )
After cooking his breakfast in his new
electric skillet
(MADE IN INDIA )
he sat down with his
calculator
(MADE IN MEXICO )
to see how much he could spend today. After setting his
watch
(MADE IN TAIWAN )
to the
radio
(MADE IN INDIA )
he got in his
car
(MADE IN GERMANY )
filled it with
GAS
(from Saudi Arabia )
and continued his search
for a good paying AMERICAN JOB.
At the end
of yet another discouraging
and fruitless day
checking his
Computer
(Made In Malaysia ),
Joe decided to relax for a while.
He put on his
sandals
(MADE IN BRAZIL )
poured himself a glass of
wine
(MADE IN FRANCE )
and turned on his
TV
(MADE IN INDONESIA ),
and then wondered
why he can't find
a good paying job
in AMERICA.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Intelligent solution from an Intelligent Sardar
Santa Singh's wife was expecting and the baby was due any day. Santa was
very confident it would be a boy and was looking forward to the Delivery
day. As fate would have it, he was transferred to another city and had to
join office immediately. Before going, he asked his father -in-law to send
a telegram confirming birth of his son. But in order to avoid giving party
to his office colleagues, he asks his father -in-law to write "the watch
has arrived" and he will understand that the son is born.
The D-day arrived. His wife delivered a cute little baby girl. Now Santa's
Father-in-law didn't know what to do. If he writes "the watch has arrived"
Santa will think he has got a Son. If he writes "watch has not arrived"
Santa will get worried thinking something serious has happened. But being a
very intelligent person, he finds a solution and sends the telegram.
Santa received the telegram, opened it eagerly and reads
"The watch has arrived, but the pendulum is missing".
very confident it would be a boy and was looking forward to the Delivery
day. As fate would have it, he was transferred to another city and had to
join office immediately. Before going, he asked his father -in-law to send
a telegram confirming birth of his son. But in order to avoid giving party
to his office colleagues, he asks his father -in-law to write "the watch
has arrived" and he will understand that the son is born.
The D-day arrived. His wife delivered a cute little baby girl. Now Santa's
Father-in-law didn't know what to do. If he writes "the watch has arrived"
Santa will think he has got a Son. If he writes "watch has not arrived"
Santa will get worried thinking something serious has happened. But being a
very intelligent person, he finds a solution and sends the telegram.
Santa received the telegram, opened it eagerly and reads
"The watch has arrived, but the pendulum is missing".
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Marriage Humour
Wife: 'What are you doing?'
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'
Husband : 'I was looking for the expiration date.'
---
Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'
Husband : 'Sure! What are my choices?'
Wife : 'Yes and no.'
---
Wife: 'You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?'
Hubby: 'When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.'
Wife: 'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?'
Hubby: 'Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?'
---
Stress Reliever Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.'
Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'
Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'
---
Son: 'Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'
Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'
Son: 'But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'
---
A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'
'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, no matter WHO left you a fortune.'
---
Father to son after exam: 'Let me see your report card.'
Son: 'My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.'
---
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: 'Thanks for the early warning.'
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'
Husband : 'I was looking for the expiration date.'
---
Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'
Husband : 'Sure! What are my choices?'
Wife : 'Yes and no.'
---
Wife: 'You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?'
Hubby: 'When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.'
Wife: 'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?'
Hubby: 'Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?'
---
Stress Reliever Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.'
Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'
Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'
---
Son: 'Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'
Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'
Son: 'But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'
---
A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'
'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, no matter WHO left you a fortune.'
---
Father to son after exam: 'Let me see your report card.'
Son: 'My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.'
---
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: 'Thanks for the early warning.'
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