Sunday, November 29, 2009

11 Minutes

A cop was patrolling late at night in a well-known spot. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing. The cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, knitting.

Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and gently raps on the driver's window.

The young man lowers his window. "Uh, yes, officer?"

The cop says, "What are you doing?"

The young man says, "Well, Officer, I'm reading a magazine."

Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the cop says,"And her, what is she doing?"

The young man shrugs, "Sir, I believe she's knitting a pullover sweater."

Now, the cop is totally confused. A young couple. Alone, in a car, at night in a Lover's lane....and nothing obscene is happening!

The cop asks, "What's your age, young man?"

The young man says, "I'm 22, sir."

The cop asks, "And her what's her age?"

The young man looks at his watch and replies, "She'll be 18 in 11 minutes."

Saturday, November 28, 2009

No free lunches? Says who?

It's not Utopia. But almost looks like it. Because at the Seva Cafe in Ahmedabad, no one charges you for the food you eat.

Unbelievable it may be, but the eatery just has a menu, there's no tariff. The model that Seva Cafe, situated in the heart of bustling Ahmedabad's swank C G Road, follows is unique: dine and enjoy the ambience, but pay only what you want. Managed by a group of volunteers, including a few NRIs, guests here can, at the most, leave a donation that pays for the meals of others to follow. There are free lunches, too, for those who don't want to do even this or simply can't afford it.

"The cafe runs on the age-old Indian belief of athithi devo bhava," says Sandeep Vaghela, 23, one of the volunteers associated with the eatery since its inception in 2005. Vaghela joined the initiative soon after completing his graduation. "A meal at this cafe costs you nothing. Food offered to you is a gift, already paid for by previous guests. After the meal, guests are handed an envelope that asks you to 'pay from your heart'. That's all."

Bhaskar Kulkarni, another young man who helps out mostly with kitchen work, says, "We call it a circle of giving. There are no bills. We leave this choice to the guests. We serve pure vegetarian food, prepared with utmost thought for cleanliness by our volunteers.''

The idea, of course, came from Annalakshmi, a vegetarian restaurant in Singapore that started in 1986 with the 'eat what you want and give as you feel' concept. Almost two decades after that, four 'social entrepreneurs' in Gujarat decided to start a similar experiment in Ahmedabad. Each one of them, though, wants to remain backstage, happy to give all credit to the bunch of sprightly volunteers who manage the daily operations.

Volunteers, on their part, are more than willing to be a part of Seva Cafe, and serve for free. "We hardly get any guest who does not pay up,'' says Vaghela. "Yes, sometimes people don't, but that's rare. The model is actually working very well. We keep our accounts transparent, putting the budgetary expenses and earnings on a display board in the cafe. Everything's clean.''

After the initial skepticism, the eatery has now begun attracting a loyal, burgeoning customer base. Lopa Shah, a homemaker from Ahmedabad, is a frequent visitor. "When I first came here, it was a whole new experience for me to understand the concept of Seva Cafe. But I liked it so much that my association with this place has only grown stronger," she says.

For volunteers, too, it has been a life-transforming change. Clad in jeans and a T-shirt, Raghav Agrawal, 18, mops the floor as part of his chore here. Agrawal, who studies in Mahatma Gandhi International School, is happy doing what he does. "At home, I used to just laze around. All that changed after I got involved with Seva Cafe. My perception of life and what it means to serve changed. These days I help out my mom at home. She was shocked initially, but now she's very appreciative."

Agrawal's enthusiasm and earnestness is shared by Sharmeen Attarwala, Dhruvita Patel and Meeti Shah, all in their teens, all from rich families that pamper them no end. "Volunteering at the cafe has made us more responsible in life," they say, almost in unison. "Once you come here, you always feel like coming back. I just love to volunteer, and so do the others. From washing dishes to cleaning the floor, cooking and serving, we do everything. And we feel it helps us become more humane, more understanding towards other people." In fact, Seva Cafe has built up such a reputation for itself that many like Prometheu Raj Tyagi, 15, and Yash Desai, 16, have flown all the way from Pune to become a part of it. Students of Mahindra United World College, the duo heard about the cafe from friends and decided to join as volunteers during their vacation. "It taught me that no work is lowly,'' says Tyagi, finely balancing empty plates on his hand. "And the interaction with a diverse set of people has been a truly enriching experience for us." Another thing Seva Cafe serves for free: wisdom and humility.

Great Magician

Three world famous magicians were in the bar drinking and boasting about their achievements.

The first one said, "During my latest show, I made three women from the audience disappear, it was so convincing that their relatives started panicking, no one could find the trick"

The second one said, "Hey, that is nothing, during one of my open air shows I made the Municipality building disappear and the entire town was searching for it"

The third one sighed and said," Both of you are so local, I went to Paris and made the Eiffel Tower disappear for a full one hour, it was live on the TV, entire France was searching for the building & no one had a clue".

Just then an Indian walked into the bar and the three magicians suddenly turned quiet, gave each other fugitive glances and started to slip towards the door.

A Bartender watching this got curious and asked one of the magicians, "Hey what happened? Who is that guy?"

One of the magicians whispered, "He is the World's greatest magician, he has done the biggest disappearing trick of all times, we are all mere amateurs compared with what he has done. His name is Ramalinga Raju. He has made USD 1.5 billion disappear from his company's balance sheet in front of everyone's eyes, and the entire world is still looking for it"

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Only an Aussie could pull this one off!

A true story from the Mount Isa in Queensland.

Recently, a routine Police patrol car parked outside a local neighbourhood pub.

Late in the evening, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk.

The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.

After what seemed like an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles. The man managed to find his car, which he fell into.

He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine dry night). Then flicked the indicators on, then off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights.

He moved the vehicle forward a few cm, reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left.

At last, he pulled out of the car park and started to drive slowly down the road.

The Police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a random breathalyser test.

To his amazement the breathalyser indicated no evidence of the man's intoxication.

The Police officer said 'I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the Police station - this breathalyser equipment must be broken.'

'I doubt it,' said the man, 'tonight I'm the designated decoy'.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Bangalore Majestic Bus Stand closes by next week

But BMTC Terminal Will Continue Operations

If you’re travelling out of town by bus, the KSRTC bus stand, better known as Majestic, will no longer be your point of departure. Services from here will be stopped within a week as the Bangalore Metro Rail Corporation begins work on the underground station that will be ready, hopefully, in 2012. However, the adjacent BMTC bus stand will continue to operate from its current location.

Karnataka State Road Transport Corporation (KSRTC) is shifting operation of all its services to various satellite terminals and makeshift bus bays in the city. “We’ll come up with a detailed schedule of arrivals and departures of KSRTC services within a week,’’ transport minister R Ashoka told reporters here on Thursday.

As per the initial plan, transport officials said KSRTC will operate its out-station services (except Airavata) from satellite terminals, including Mysore Road, Shanthinagar, Hebbal, Peenya and NGEF.

Ashoka said the Metro requires around 20 acres of working area for construction of underground stations at two levels though they are using only 7 acres. The work is likely to begin from January next.

Free service
Minister Ashoka said BMTC will offer a free service for those who want to commute to Majestic from various satellite stations. “They can produce the KSRTC ticket and travel by BMTC buses to Majestic,’’ he said.

METRO @ MAJESTIC Services will be relocated gradually
work on the Metro project kicking off in Subashnagar area in January, the KSRTC bus stand will be shut and 20 acres made available for the project. But the project will finally require only 7 acres and the remaining 13 will be given back to KSRTC for development of a full-fledged bus station.

“We operate nearly 3,000 departures a day from Majestic and have to relocate them gradually since we cannot abruptly change the pattern. Quite a few schedules will continue to be operated in the vicinity of Majestic area,’’ the minister said.

This apart, Ashoka said the working area of Metro would dislocate some of the depots, which maintain over 1,500 buses.

Ashoka later said the transport department has outlined a Rs 1,300 crore plan to revamp the bus stand to enable it to hold about 12,000 vehicles. The plan involves construction of multistoreyed parking and a 45-floor office and commercial space.

As part of the effort to bring down pollution, the government will formally unveil green autos on November 26. Ashoka said it would be mandatory for autorickshaws to have eco-friendly engines that run on LPG and petrol. All new autos in the city should be green.

The government will soon decentralize powers to issue permits to motorists. The department has decided to give this authority to deputy commissioners, keeping in mind that he would have full knowledge of the particular district.

The KSRTC bus stand in Subhashnagar, Bangalore, will be shut for Metro Rail work. Buses will operate from Mysore Road, Shantinagar, Hebbal, Peenya and NGEF

Thursday, November 19, 2009

EGG attack on car

If you are driving at night and were attacked with eggs on your car's windshield , do not operate your wiper or spray any water. Eggs mixed with water become milky and block your vision up to 92.5 %.

You are forced to stop at road side and become victim of robbery.

This is new technique used by robbers.

Safe Driving.

Do What You Do Best; Delegate the Rest

There is a strong likelihood that the things you do best are those for which you would pay another person your hourly rate. Another way of stating this is, "delegate any tasks that can be performed by a person earning less than your hourly rate—or your desired hourly rate."

Delegate to a Person with Demonstrated Competence
Having determined what to delegate, the next step is to select the person to whom you will delegate the task. If you delegate an important task to a person who is incapable of performing adequately, you are setting that individual up for failure while inviting disappointment and frustration on your part. This is not to say the person has to be as capable as you. But he must have sufficient skills and experience to effectively perform the delegated task. Choose carefully. It is in the best interest of the person to whom you are delegating and of course, in your own best interest as well.

Define the Task Clearly
Be clear as to your intended outcome. What is the end result you want to achieve when the delegated task has been completed? Make every effort to describe this clearly to the person to whom you are delegating the task. Then ask her to repeat her understanding of the assigned task. If her description is not an accurate summary of what you want to accomplish, explain the differences in detail and ask her to again feed back to you her understanding of the assignment. If the two of you do not start out on the same page, there is little likelihood of success.

Set a Deadline
Set a clear deadline for completion of the delegated task. Do not be vague. An ambiguous target such as "sometime next week," or "as soon as you can get it done" will not serve either of you well. Without a clearly defined completion date, there will be no sense of urgency, and the job may very well drag on ad infinitum, frustrating you both.

Establish Benchmarks
It will be important for both of you to be able to gauge the progress being made as the delegated task is carried out. Specifically, how will you measure this progress? Reach agreement on the yardstick by which you will make such judgments.

Agree on Consequences
What will be the consequences of the person successfully completing the delegated task? Are these consequences known by the person charged with the responsibility of carrying them out? Are they important to him? Will they serve to motivate him? The consequences do not have to be enormous, but they should be meaningful to him. Otherwise they will have little effect. Their emotional import is what will have the greatest affect.

Put it in Writing
Before the delegated assignment is launched, there is one additional important step. Have the entire process described to this point documented in a written agreement. Then, have each of you sign it. Psychologically, this final step transforms your mutual understanding into a commitment.

Courtesy: Brian Tracy

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Living with your car: Avoiding bogus collisions and insurance fraud

Living with your car: Avoiding bogus collisions and insurance fraud

A new Police unit is being set up specifically to target criminal gangs that instigate deliberate car crashes to cash in on fraudulent insurance claims. Innocent motorists are targeted by the gangs, with a low-speed collision initiated so that thousands of pounds can be claimed.

It's estimated that staged accidents are costing £350m per year, because it's not only organised gangs doing it - single drivers looking to make a quick profit from a claim are at it too. It adds around £40 to an average premium, so police officers are being trained by the Metropolitan force to attend the scene of any suspect accidents to eradicate the problem. But it won't stop overnight.

Of course, with unscrupulous drivers around, nobody can be certain of staying out of harm's way - but the more you know, the safer you are. Read on to find out about the scams and how best to protect yourself.

Accident types:

There are two types of staged accidents: those involving an innocent victim (sometimes known as an 'induced accident'), and those where the two drivers are in cahoots. Obviously you needn't worry about the latter too much, but the former accounts for the majority of bogus insurance claims.

How does it work?

Induced accidents were brought into focus recently when 24-year-old Mohammed Patel was convicted of a £12m 'crash for cash' scam involving hundreds of innocent motorists at the same roundabout in Cheadle, Manchester. His technique was common: he'd target elderly drivers, usually, because they're generally more vulnerable, position his car in front of them then slam the brakes on so they'd shunt his car. It worked because he'd disconnected his brake lights so the driver didn't notice until it was too late. Technically, the accident is the victim's fault because the driver of the rear car is usually responsible in a rear end collision.

How can it be avoided?

Usually the fraudster will drive slowly to avoid whiplash, but all you can really do is be sure to leave a big gap between you and the car in front. Watch out for cars that slow down noticeably without the brake lights coming on too.

'Witnesses' from the gang will usually be on hand to verify what happened, so have your wits about you for those that seem over-familiar with the other driver, or seem keen to side with them. As with any accident, though, you should make sure you exchange details with the other driver, and have them write down their version of events. You should do the same too, including every detail about the car, the driver, the witnesses and the circumstances.

Most importantly, tell your insurance company if you think you've been a victim of a scam.

Telltale signs:

As is often the case, certain locales are worse than others. Busy roundabouts are usually the place where staged accidents occur because traffic queues are slow moving and unpredictable.

If the car you've shunted seems to have followed you or you've seen it a few times already - on the roundabout, say - then you might have been a victim.

After the event, has the claimant made excessive injury or damage claims? That's why it's important to note every single detail at the time. Often, extra passengers will be claimed for that weren't there, so be aware of that too.

Some facts:

Gang members who stage accidents often do so multiple times at familiar spots, so if you've seen one or more rear end shunts in a particular place, be aware that it could be a fraud 'hotspot'.

Research shows that men are more than twice as likely to stage an accident, and those in their twenties are the most frequent offenders - with three percent admitting they've made a fraudulent claim.

London is the worst area for staged accidents, with six percent admitting they've either claimed fraudulently or considered doing so. That's three times the number in Wales.

Catholics & their children

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.

The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"

She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, her figure is 38D - 24 - 34. When she walks into a room, people say,

"Oh My God !"

Thursday, November 12, 2009

The Good Old Days

Grandad was reminiscing about the good old days...

"When I were a lad, me mother would send me down to t'corner shop wi' a shilling, and I'd come back wi' five pounds o' potatoes, two loaves o' bread, three pints o' milk, a pound o' cheese, a packet o' tea, an' 'alf a dozen eggs.

Ya can't do that now..... Too many bloody security cameras."

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

The Old Man's Pond

An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple, and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'

The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.' Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.'

Some old men can still think fast...

Saturday, November 07, 2009

Japanese rape games invade Indian computers

If you are worried about the effect of violent computer games on your child, here's a shocker: sex games with graphic visuals, including those which test the player's 'raping skills', are making their way here, mostly from Japan.

Rapelay, a 3D game created by a Japanese firm, Illusion, with a storyline' prodding the player to rape a woman and her two teenaged daughters in a moving train, a park and a restroom, is among the hot picks' in the grey market. A source involved in direct marketing of foreign goods with suppliers in Chennai's Parrys and Burma Bazaar markets told TOI that he sold 20 copies of Rapelay last week to customers who had placed orders in advance and that 50 more copies are expected in a fortnight. The game is available in grey markets in other metros too including Palika Bazaar in Delhi, he added.

These are mostly pirated copies made from an original smuggled in from Japan or ordered through online shopping websites earlier. Several websites like had removed Rapelay from its virtual shelves after protests in July.

Gamers say several such hentai (Japanese porn) games are also available on the net and can be downloaded on to mobile phones as well. "Young people addicted to these games may start seeing violence as an integral part of sex. While films make children emulate characters, such games where the player is the character can make them act it out," warns sexologist D Narayana Reddy.

The authorities appear to be either oblivious to the danger or just helpless. The central crime branch police said it has not come across such games during its raids. The Computer Emergency Reaction Team (Cert-In) of the IT ministry, which has the mandate to ensure cyber safety, says its focus is elsewhere. "Our primary job is to prevent cyber crimes that threaten the national security. When such offensive websites are hosted in other countries, there is little we can do," says Cert-In senior director BJ Srinath.

This puts the onus on families to install parental control software to block access to such sites from computers and playstations, say counsellors.

It all started with a pop-up. Gautham Rao, a Class XI student in Hyderabad was surfing the net last October when the window showed a beautiful woman and prompted him to 'dress her up' using a variety of attires displayed on the screen. Rao spent hours dressing her, and later, undressing her. A list of similar sites took him down a dark virtual tunnel lined with bizarre games, where the player takes scores of avatars to undress and grope women of all ages, profiles and ethnicities. It took a few months before Rao's parents discovered the boy's horrible pastime and got him counselled by an expert.

A year later, the internet is today littered with games that allow players not just to undress and grope women characters, but to tie them up, torture and rape them. While violent sex games are getting more real with 3D animation and special effects, the authorities seem to be either ignorant or helpless. "We have not come across any such game CDs during our raids," says C Sridhar, superintendent of police, central crime branch. What he does not say is that the police, while seizing CDs of pirated movies and porn films, seldom look for game CDs.

Cyber Society of India, which works in the area of internet security, is also yet to study the matter in detail. "We are an NGO with no criminal jurisdiction. We mostly deal with online credit card frauds and cyber crime, but now we think we need to look at online safety from the angle of such offensive games too. In fact, this was in the agenda of a meeting of the society on October 23," says society secretary V Rajendran, who adds that the new IT Act which came into effect on October 27 has empowered the Computer Emergency Reaction Team- India (Cert-In) under the IT ministry to monitor and block offensive content.

However, Cert-In says it does not have the resources to monitor and block the scores of websites that offer rape and other violent games. "Only if there is a specific complaint about, say child pornography, can we step in," says a senior official. "We are aware of websites with violent sex as content accessible from India, but it is technically unfeasible to block all these sites. When the servers of these websites are situated outside the country, we cannot do much. Pursuing cases against offenders is also a long-winding process."

That puts the onus on parents. Says Bhavani K Raman, founder of, an online community of mothers that discusses internet safety: "Parents must be aware that many phones and gaming consoles like PSP and playstations have built-in wireless access. So it is wise to install parental control software to restrict access." The control software allows you to block certain sites or make only some sites accessible for children and tells you the sites visited and the duration.

Another concern is about browsing centres making all kinds of websites accessible to children. Despite guidelines issued by the police, net cafes do not run an age check on visitors nor do they have firewalls. "The most important thing," Raman says, "is to create awareness in the child. Talk to your child about the danger and downside of using these games and sites. An informed child is a safe child."

Advisory for parents
* Use Parental control software that helps you select the sites your child can visit and set duration
* Use kid safe browsers like Kidzui and Kidrocket
* Search engines have settings which exclude adult material from search results.
* Upgrade your browser as the latest versions have better security settings
* Keep the computer in a place where everyone could see the monitor
* In the computer, create one account for each child without administrative privileges
* Check browser history after your kid used the computer
* Monitor their computer usage in browsing centres which are becoming hot spots for gaming and adult material
* Talk to your child about the danger of using adult sites.

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Wife Vs Husband


A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument andneither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."


A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"


A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"


A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says........ .."HEBREWS"

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
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