Monday, December 29, 2008

Signal Man

Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.

The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking: "What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?"

Tom says: "I would switch one train to another track."

"What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector.

"Then I'd run down to the tracks and use the manual lever down there", answers Tom.

"What if that had been struck by lightning?" challenges the inspector.

"Then," Tom continued, "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box."

"What if the phone was busy?"

"In that case," Tom explained, "I'd run to the street level and use the public phone near the station."

"What if that had been vandalized?"

"Oh well," said Tom, "In that case I would run into town and get my Uncle Leo."

This puzzled the inspector, so he asked, "Why would you do that?"

"Because he's never seen a train crash."

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Toll Free Number for Anti-terror Squad - 1090

In case you come across any suspicious activity, any suspicious movement or have any information to tell to the Anti-Terror Squad, please take a note of the new ALL INDIA TOLL-FREE Terror Help-line "1090". Your city's Police or Anti-Terror squad will take action as quickly as possible.

Remember that this single number 1090 is valid all over India.

This is a toll free number and can be dialed from mobile phones. Moreover, the identity of the caller will be kept a secret.

Please try to aware every citizen of India about this facility.

Please forward this mail to as many people as possible, and tell everyone individually also.

Santa Is Back!

Santa: I have swallowed a key.
Doctor: When?
Santa: 3 months back!
Doctor: What were you doing till now?
Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too.

A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell. Santa doesn't turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.

Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatoes 5 days ago, he hasn't come back yet!
Santa: Why don't u cook something else?


Santa opened a petrol pump, but not even one customer went there. You



Because he opened petrol pump on second floor..


Ultimate answer while changing the job.

Interviewer: Why did you change your last job?

Santa: Because the company shifted and didn't tell me where.


Santa's wife dies. He is calm, but his wife's lover is crying


Finally, Santa consoles him: Don't worry buddy, I will marry again.


Why did Santa keep the door open while bathing?

Because he was afraid that someone might watch him from the key hole.


Sardar wanted to make a STD.. call to Punjab,

He wanted to save money so what did he do?

Simple, he went to Punjab and made a local call.


Oye paaji, apni pregnant wife ko itne dard mein hospital ki jagah pizza

hut kyun leja raha hai........

Sardarji: Kyun key pizza hut mein "Delivery Free" hai.


A Sardar enters shop shouts, Where is my free gift with this oil?

Shopkeeper: Iske Saath koi gift nahin hai bhai saab **� ?o

Sardar : Oye ispe likha hai CHOLESTROL FREE.


One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this


Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!


Teacher: A for?

Sardar: Apple

Teacher: Jor se bolo?

Sardar: Jay mata di.


American says: " US mein shaadi E-mail se hoti hai.."

Sardarji says: " India me to.. shaadi Fe-mail se hoti hai...!!!"


Sardar orders pizza.

Waiter: Sir shud i cut it into 4 pieces or into 8 pieces?

Sardar: 4 hi karde 8 khaye nahi jayenge


Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.

Santa: Who r u?

Girl: Seeta here.

Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya


Banta: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho?

Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag gaya tha, har baar lagta


jaise usko vapas karne aya hai.


Pathan sitting on the top of the mountain and studying.

When a person asked what he was doing?

He replied, Oye! Higher studies yaar.


2 sardars were fighting after exam.

Sir: Y r u fighting?

1st Sardar: This fool left the answer sheet blank,

Sir: So what?

1st Sardar: Even i did the same thing, now teacher will think that we

both copied.


A sardar learning english introduces his family in the party:

Hi! I am sardar,

this is my sardarni,

he is my kid,

& she is my kidney.


Sardar 1: I'm very kanjoos, I went 2 honeymoon alone & saved 1/2 money.

Sardar 2: You r nothing I saved all my money, my friend was going & I sent my wife with him..

Friday, December 19, 2008

The Nescafe Account

The top marketing director of Nescafe manages to arrange a meeting with the Pope at the Vatican.

Nescafe official, 'Your Eminence, I have some business to discuss. We at Nescafe have an offer for you. Nescafe is prepared to donate $100 million to the church if you change the Lord's Prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily coffee'."

The Pope looks outraged and thunders, "That is impossible. The Prayer is the word of the Lord, It must not be changed."

"Well," says the Nescafe man somewhat chastened, "We anticipated your reluctance. For this reason, and the importance of the Lord's prayer to all Catholics, we will increase our offer to $300 million. All we require is that you change the Lord's Prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily coffee'."

Again, even more sternly, the Pope replies, "That, my son, is impossible. For the prayer is the word of the Lord and it must not be changed."

Finally, the Nescafe director says, "Your Holiness, we at Nescafe respect your adherence to your faith, we realize that tradition is essential to your beliefs, we fully understand the importance of the word of the Lord but we do have one final offer. Please discuss it with your cardinals. We will donate $500 million."

The next day the Pope convenes the College of Cardinals. "There is some Good news," he announces, "and some bad news..... The good news is, he continues to a hushed assembly, that the Church will get $500 million."

"And what is the bad news, your Holiness?" asks a Cardinal.

"Sadly" says the Pope, "We would have to lose the Britannia Account."

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

I'm afraid he died last week

A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead. "I'm afraid he died last week." she explains.

The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss. "I told you," the wife replies, "he died last week."

He rings once more asks to Speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts, "I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"

He replied laughing, "I just love hearing it!"
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