Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Recruitment in Hell

Human Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.

'Welcome to Heaven,' said St. Peter. 'Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you.'

'No problem, just let me in,' said the woman.

'Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in.'

'Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven', said the woman

'Sorry, we have rules....'

And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.

The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner.

She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind
of cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.

The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her.

'Now it's time to spend a day in heaven,' he said. So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.

'So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity,'

The woman paused for a second and then replied, 'Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell.'

So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.

When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.

The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.

'I don't understand,' stammered the woman, 'yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable.'

The Devil looked at her smiled and told. ....... >>>


'Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an Employee'

Old man

An old man was relaxing at his hundredth birthday party when a reporter went up to him.

"Sir, what is the secret of your long life?"

The man considered this for a moment, then replied "Every day at 9 PM I have a glass of port. Good for the heart I've heard."

The reporter replied, "That's ALL?"

The man smiled, "That, and cancelling my voyage on Titanic."

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

BURIAL AT SEA............................

Bubbles and Barbie, two blonde sisters, had promised their Uncle, who had been a seafaring gentleman all his life, to bury him at sea when he died.

Of course, in due time, he did pass away; and the two blondes kept their promise.
They set off from the shore, with their uncle all stitched up in a burial bag and loaded onto their rowboat. After a while Bubbles says, 'Do you think we're out far enough, Barbie?'

Barbie slipped over the side; and finding the water only knee deep said, 'Nope, not yet, Bubbles.'

So they rowed a little farther.... Again Bubbles asked Barbie, 'Do you think were out far enough now?'

Once again Barbie slipped over the side and almost immediately said, 'No, this will never do, the water is only up to my chest.'

So on they rowed and rowed and rowed; and finally Barbie slipped over the side and disappeared.
Quite a bit of time goes by and poor Bubbles was really getting worried, when suddenly Barbie broke the surface. Gasping for breath she said, 'OK, it's finally deep enough. Hand me the shovel.

Young Naughty Kid's Romance - Kiss!

Richest Beggar In Mumbai, India

Mozilla Certificate

I am Regular User of Mozilla Firefox & I recently downloaded Firefox 3 Brower & inturn received this certificate from them. Though Mozilla Firefox is better than IE, but there are some flaws in firefox 3 compared to firefox 2 & some times becomes nasty & slow. hope they patch up the program to work better.

It stores all the previous visited websites & when the some thing is typed, it inturn gives list of all possible names & this some times becomes nasty. there should be some means to stop this if the user is not interested in getting the same.

other wise the browser is doing well.

Good team work.

To Download Mozilla Firefox 3 Brower Click on Logo :

Sample Crop - Seed Storage Vault

Monday, July 28, 2008

Seminar joke

Not too long ago, a large seminar was held for ministers and reverends in training.

Among the facilitators were many well-known motivational speakers. One such speaker boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!"

The crowd was shocked!

He followed up by saying, "That woman was my mother!"

The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech, which was well received.

About a week later, one of the ministers who had attended the seminar decided to use that joke in his sermon. As he shyly approached the pulpit one sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It was a bit foggy to him.

Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"

His congregation sat shocked, murmuring.

After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out "... and I can't remember who she was!"


Moral of the story: Don't copy if you can't paste

Now This Is Confidence ......SARADAAR Special.......

George Bush was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next
when his telephone rang.

"Hello, Mr. Bush!" a heavily accented voice said, "This is Gurmukh
from Phagwara, District Kapurthala, Punjab . I am ringing to inform
you that we are officially declaring the war on you!"

"Well, Gurmukh," Bush replied, "This is indeed important news! How
big is your army"

"Right now," said Gurmukh, after a moment's calculation, "there is
myself, my cousin Sukhdev, my next door neighbor Bhagat, and the
entire kabaddi team from the gurudwara. That makes eight"

Bush paused. "I must tell you, Gurmukh that I have one million men
in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Arrey O! Main kya.." said Gurmukh. "I'll have to ring you back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Gurmukh called again.

"Mr. Bush, it is Gurmukh, I'm calling from Phagwara STD, the war is
still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be, Gurmukh" Bush asked.

"Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Amrik's tractor."

Bush sighed. "I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 16,000 tanks
and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army
to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke."

"Oh teri...." said Gurmukh. "I'll have to get back to you."

Sure enough, Gurmukh rang again the next day.

"Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves
airborne...... We've modified Amrik's tractor by adding a couple of
shotguns, sticking on some wings and the pind's generator. Four
school pass boys from Malpur have joined us as well!"

Bush was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must
tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter
planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided,
surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've
increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Tera pala hove...." said Gurmuk, "I'll have to ring you back."

Sure enough, Gurmukh called again the next day.

"Kiddan, Mr.Bush! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call
off the war."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Bush. "Why the sudden change of

"Well," said Gurmukh, "we've all had a long chat over a couple of
lassi's, and decided there's no way we can feed two million
prisoners of wars!"


Mera Bharat Mahaan

The Moral of the Story is:

A teacher told her young class to ask their parents For a family story with a moral at the end of it, and To return the next day to tell their stories.

In the classroom the next day, Joe gave his example First, "My dad is a farmer and we have chickens. One Day we were taking lots of eggs to market in a basket On the front seat of the truck when we hit a big bump In the road; the basket fell off the seat and all the Eggs broke."

The moral of the story is not to put all Your eggs in one basket..

"Very good," said the teacher.

Next, Mary said, "We are farmers too. We had twenty Eggs waiting to hatch, but when they did we only got Ten chicks."

"The moral of this story is not to count Your chickens before they're hatched .."

"Very good ," said the teacher again, very pleased with The response so far.

Next it was Barney's turn to tell his story: "My dad Told me this story about my Aunt Karen…. Aunt Karen Was a flight engineer in the war and her plane got Hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all She had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a Machete."

"Go on," said the teacher, intrigued.

"Aunt Karen drank the whiskey on the way down to Prepare herself; then she landed right in the middle Of a hundred enemy soldiers. She killed seventy of Them with the machine gun until she ran out of Bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete Till the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten With her bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What did Your father say was the moral of that frightening Story?"

The child said "Stay away from Aunt Karen when she's been Drinking…"


Some Fun Quotes!

Long back,
a person who sacrificed his sleep,
forgot his family,
forgot his food,
fogot laughter were called

But now they are called..

"IT professionals"
An interesting line written at the back of a Biker's T Shirt:

" If you are able to see this, Please tell me that my girlfriend has fallen off"
Most Relationships fail not because of the absence of love..

Love is always present..

Its just that,
One loves too much,


The other loves too many,
Employee: Boss, Now i have got married..! Please increase my salary..!

BOSS: Factory is not responsible for accidents occuring outside the company..!

Philosophy of life
At the begining of married life, every gal treats her husband as GOD,

Later on somehow the alphabets got reversed..!

What is a Fear?
Fear is the Deep, Wrenching feeling in your stomach
When pages of your book still smell new


Just few hours left for your exams..!

Someone has rightly said, "A fool can ask More questions that a wise man cannot answer"

No Wonder why so many of us speechless when lecturers ask question..!

Girl: Do you have Cards with sentimental Love quotes?

Shopkeeper: Oh sure..@! How about this card, it says "To the only boy I ever loved.!"

Girl: Thats good, Give me 12 of them..!


After reading the form filled by an applicant.. The employer said: " WE do have an opening for you..!

Applicant: What is it?

Interviewer: Its called the "door..!"

A Banner cum Sign Board In front of an IT company..

Drive Slowly, Dont kill our Employee...

..... Leave them to us

Need Glasses...

At first glance it looked o.k. then I looked again. Hmmmmm…..

Little Boy & His Train

A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train set in the living room.

She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of You B*****ds who want off, get the f**k off now, cause we're in a hurry! And all of you B*****ds who are getting on, get the f**k on, cause we're going down the tracks".

The horrified mother went in and told her son, 'We don't Use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and stay there for TWO HOURS.

When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want You to Use nice language."

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed Playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say,
"All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you.
We thank you for travelling with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one."

She hears the little boy continue,

"For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train.
We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us Today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added..........

"For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat bitch in the kitchen."

Drink Water on Empty Stomach


It is popular in Japan today to drink water immediately after waking up every morning. Furthermore, scientific tests have proven its value. We publish below a description of use of water for our readers. For old and serious diseases as well as modern illnesses the water treatment had been found successful by a Japanese medical society as a 100% cure for the following diseases:

Headache, body ache, heart system, arthritis, fast heart beat, epilepsy, excess fatness, bronchitis asthma, TB, meningitis, kidney and urine diseases, vomiting, gastritis, diarrhea, piles, diabetes, constipation, all eye diseases, womb, cancer and menstrual disorders, ear nose and throat

1. As you wake up in the morning before brushing teeth, drink 4 x 160ml glasses of water
2. Brush and clean the mouth but do not eat or drink anything for 45 minute
3. After 45 minutes you may eat and drink as normal.
4. After 15 minutes of breakfast, lunch and dinner do not eat or drink anything for 2 hours
5. Those who are old or sick and are unable to drink 4 glasses of water at the beginning may commence by taking little water and gradually increase it to 4 glasses per day.
6. The above method of treatment will cure diseases of the s ick and others can enjoy a healthy life.

The following list gives the number of days of treatment required to cure/control/reduce main diseases:
1. High Blood Pressure (30 days)
2. Gastric (10 days)
3. Diabetes (30 days)
4. Constipation (10 days)
5. Cancer (180 days)
6. TB (90 days)
7. Arthritis patients should follow the above treatment only for 3 days in the 1st week, and from 2nd week onwards – daily.

This treatment method has no side effects, however at the commencement of treatment you may have to urinate a few times.

It is better if we continue this and make this procedure as a routine work in our life. Drink Water and Stay healthy and Active.

This makes sense .. The Chinese and Japanese drink hot tea with their meals ...not cold water. Maybe it is time we adopt their drinking habit while eating!!! Nothing to lose, everything to gain...

For those who like to drink cold water, this article is applicable to you.
It is nice to have a cup of cold drink after a meal.
H owever, the cold water will solidify the oily stuff that you have just consumed. It will slow down the digestion.

Once this "sludge" reacts with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food. It will line the intestine.
Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer. It is best to drink hot soup or warm water after a meal.

A serious note about heart attacks:
· Women should know that not every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting,
· Be aware of intense pain in the jaw line.
· You may never have the first chest pain during the course of a heart attack.
· Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms.
· 60% of people who have a heart attack while they are asleep do not wake up.
· Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Let's be careful and be aware. The more we know, the better chance we could survive...

Before & After

BEFORE - You take my breath away
AFTER - I feel like I'm suffocating.

BEFORE - Twice a night
AFTER - Twice a month.

BEFORE - She says she loves the way I take control of a situation
AFTER - She called me a controlling, manipulative egomaniac.

BEFORE - Saturday Night Fever
AFTER - Monday Night Football

BEFORE - Don't stop.
AFTER - Don't start.

BEFORE - Is that all you're having?
AFTER - Maybe you should have just a salad, honey.

BEFORE - It's like I'm living in a dream
AFTER - It's like he's living in a dorm

BEFORE - $60/doz.
AFTER - $1.50/stem

BEFORE - Turbocharged
AFTER - Jumpstart.

BEFORE - We agree on everything
AFTER - Doesn't she have a mind of her own?

BEFORE - Victoria's Secret
AFTER - Fruit-of-the-Loom

BEFORE - Charming and Noble
AFTER - Chernobyl

BEFORE - Feathers and handcuffs
AFTER - Ball and chain.

AFTER - Idle

BEFORE - I love a woman with curves.
AFTER - I never actually said you were fat.

BEFORE - He's completely lost without me.
AFTER - Why won't he ever ask for directions?

BEFORE - Time stood still
AFTER - This relationship is going nowhere

BEFORE - Croissant and cappuccino
AFTER - Bagel and instant.

BEFORE - You look so seductive in black
AFTER - Your clothes are so depressing.

BEFORE - Oysters
AFTER - Fishsticks

BEFORE - I can hardly believe we found each other.
AFTER - I can't believe I ended up with someone like you.

BEFORE - Passion
AFTER - Ration

BEFORE - Once upon a time
AFTER - The end.

It is amazing to realize how we often allow something wonderful
to fade and become a regret.

May you treasure what you started out with

and remember . . . .

Sunday, July 27, 2008

How Girlz rate Guyz?

Girls' relationship with guys is a bigger mystery than girls themselves.

It's not just about boyfriends, we're talking about guy friends that gals have.

Do you have a gal who is just a friend? Are confused why the frequency of calls increases as exams loom closer? Or why she always hangs around with the moron who isn't fit to wear Jeetendra's white shoes? Here's a ready reckoner for you:


% just a friend %

Well, you are like a show piece in my house. I will call you whenever I need you. If you call me home the chances are 9 out of 10 times she might say, "Oh Rahul, I am going out can you call me after 2 days??"

Rahul: "Where are you going Shilpa??"

Shilpa: "None of your business" and bangs the phone.(Useless fellow.Hmmph! ).


% Good Friend %

You are like a TV remote control. I need you and I know that. But I try using you when I really need you.

Rahul calls: "Hi Shilpa",

Shilpa: "Hi Rahul. I am going out with family I will call you back. Bye"

(Shilpa calls back after two days)

Shilpa: "What do you want Rahul? Why did you call that day?".

Rahul: "Generally".

Shilpa: "Oh ok. I got to go out. Will call you later. Bye."

Will call when she needs lecture notes or some concert tickets.


% Very good friend %

Well you are like the pressure cooker safety value for the girl.

She will need you when she wants to bring out her pain or anger on someone.

Basically, she wants to talk to you. And you are special to her.

Shilpa: "You know Rahul, Shekhar is not eating. He doesn't sleep and is not able to concentrate on his studies. I think he doesn't like me anymore. And yesterday I saw him with another girl".

Rahul: "Who is Shekhar??"

Shilpa : "My boyfriend."

Rahul: Oh! ok. :-(


% Best Friend %

You are like the auto rickshaw driver. She can't live without you.

And don't be mistaken. You are not her boyfriend. But you are allowed to take her little doggie around the park so that he (not you!) can have fun.

Rahul Shopping. Rahul Movie. Rahul Coffee. Rahul,you pay. I am having fun.

Rahul is now sure that he should go ahead and propose. He dares.

Shilpa: "But I thought we were just friends. We should remain friends

Rahul. Plus, I have a boy friend you know that."

Rahul: What?? (Rahul drinks all night).


% Best of the Bestest Friends %

Ok now you are really special.

You are dad-cum-boyfriend- cum-brother- cum-everything.

Ultimately you are the darling servant of the girl.

You take her around.

You make her project.

You do her assignments.

You are allowed to take her doggie around.

You can hold hands on the beach.

You can see the sun set with her (because she wants to do everything she drags you along).

But but but... don't be mistaken. She has a boyfriend who works for a huge software company and earns 3 times the salary you earn and has a flat in PoesGardenor Boat Club or Hiranandani area.

Shilpa: "Hi Rahul. I am getting engaged to Shekhar. Shekhar this is Rahul, he is my bestest friend".

Rahul: Hi Shekhar . (Hand shake. Shekhar breaks Rahul's wrist).

Rahul is now heart broken and wrist broken.


% Boyfriend %

Uh... No comments dude. You're already Gone!

Now ~ where you stand?

Driving Styles Across The Globe......

One Hand On Steering Wheel,
One Hand Out Of Window…
You Are in SYDNEY …

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***

One Hand On Steering Wheel,
One Hand On Horn…
You Are in JAPAN …

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***

One Hand On Steering Wheel,
One Hand On Newspaper,
Foot Solidly On Accelerator…
You Are in BOSTON …

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***

Both Hands On Steering Wheel,
Eyes Shut,
Both Feet On Brake,
Quivering In Terror
You Are in NEW YORK …

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***

Both Hands In Air,
Both Feet On Accelerator,
Head Turned To Talk To Someone In Back Seat…
You Are in ITALY …

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***

One Hand On Horn,
One Hand On Holding Gear,
One Ear Listening To Loud Music,
One Ear On Cell Phone,
One Foot On Accelerator,
One Foot On Clutch,
Nothing On Break,
Eyes On Females In Next Car,



Boss said to secretary: For a week we will go abroad,
so make all arrangements.

Secretary makes call to Husband: For a week my boss and
I will be going abroad, you look after yourself.

Husband makes call to secret lover: My wife is going
abroad for a week, so lets spend the week together.

Secret lover makes call to small boy whom she is giving
private tution: I have work for a week, so you need
not come for class.

Small boy makes call to his grandfather: Grandpa, for a
week I don't have class 'coz my teacher is busy. Lets
spend the week together.

Grandpa(the 1st boss ;) ) makes call to his secretary: This week I am
spending my time with my grandson. We cannot attend
that meeting.

Secretary makes call to her husband: This week my boss
has some work, we cancelled our trip.

Husband makes call to secret lover: We cannot spend
this week together, my wife has cancelled her trip.

Secret lover makes call to small boy whom she is giving
private tution: This week we will have class as usual.

Small boy makes call to his grandfather: Grandpa, my
teacher said this week I have to attend class. Sorry I
can't give you company.

Grandpa makes call to his secretary: Don't worry this
week we will attend that meeting, so make arrangement .

We are becoming lesser by the day !

Our communication - Wireless
Our dress - Topless
Our telephone - Cordless
Our cooking - Fireless
Our youth - Jobless
Our food - Fatless
Our labour - Effortless
Our conduct - Worthless
Our relation - Loveless
Our attitude - Careless
Our feelings - Heartless
Our politics - Shameless
Our education - Valueless
Our follies - Countless
Our arguments - Baseless

Our Job - Thankless
Our Bosses - Brainless

Our Income - Very less size=2>

Our emails - useless


A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball Game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his Commands.

When the day of the game arrived. Everything went quite well. As the National Anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up Nuts", and the patients Complied by standing up. After the anthem, he yelled, "Down Nuts", and they
All sat back down in their seats. After a home run was hit, the doctor Yelled, "Cheer Nuts". They all broke out into applause and cheered. When The umpire made a particularly bad call against the star of the home team,
The Doctor yelled, "Booooo Nuts" and they all started booing and cat Calling.

Comfortable with their response, the doctor decided to go get a beer and a Hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned, there was a Riot in progress.

Finding his tizzied assistant, the doctor asked," What in the world Happened?" The assistant replied, "Well everything was going just fine until This guy walked by and yelled, PEANUTS!"

Chicken story (Mind blowing)

A farmer rears twenty-five young hens and one old cock. As he feels that the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer bought one young cock from the market.

Old cock to Young cock : "Welcome to join me, we will work together towards productivity.

Young cock : What you mean? As far as I know, you are old and should be retired.

Old cock : Young boy, there are twenty-five hens here, can't I help you with some?

Young cock : No! Not even one, all of them will be mine.

Old cock : In this case, I shall challenge you to a competition and if I win you shall allow me to have one hen and if I lose you will have all.

Young cock : O.K. What kind of competition?

Old cock: 50 meter run. From here to that tree. But due to my age, I hope you allow me to start off the first 10 meters.

Young cock : No problem ! We will compete tomorrow morning.

Confidently, the following morning, the Young cock allows the Old cock to start off and when the Old cock crosses the 10 meters mark the Young cock chases him with all his might.

Soon enough, he was behind the Old cock back in a matter of seconds.

Suddenly, Bang ! ...... before he could overtake the old cock, he was shot dead by the farmer, who cursed, " Hell ! This is the fifth GAY chicken I've bought this week !"

The Top Dot com naming Misreads!

Looks like these Companies that didn't spend quite enough time considering how their online names might appear .. and be misread.

These are not made up. Check them out yourself! Read the web-sites names closely!

1. "Who Represents" is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their Web site is
Misread by many as "whore presents" do we need to say more!

2 . Experts Exchange is a very popular knowledge base where programmers can exchange
advice and views at its urls is
Misread by many as "experts sex change".com

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
I wont go in the details about the above one.

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at
when you look carefully it looks like "the rapist finder".com

5. There's the Italian Power Generator company,
I Wont get into details about the above, but I am sure you can figure it out!

6. And don't forget the Mole Station Native Nursery in New South Wales,
Misread as "molestation nursery".com

7. If you're looking for IP computer software, there's always
I read it as "I P anywhere" you see what i mean

8. The First Cumming Methodist Church Web site is
All I can say ouch!

9. And the designers at Speed of Art await you at their wacky Web site
I misread it as "speed of fart".com

Dear Dad , ....

A father passing by his teenage daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the

bed was nicely made and everything was neat and tidy. Then he saw an
envelope propped up prominently on the centre of the pillow. It was
addressed "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read
the letter with trembling hands:-

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leaving
home. I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I wanted to avoid a
scene with Mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Randy and he is
so nice to me. I know when you meet him you'll like him too - even with all
his piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion
Dad, I'm pregnant and Randy said that he wants me to have the kid and that
we can be very happy together. Even though Randy is much older than me
(anyway, 42 isn't so old these days is it?), and has no money, really these
things shouldn't stand in the way of our relationship, don't you agree?

Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods and
has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. It's true he has other
girlfriends as well but I know he'll be faithful to me in his own way. He
wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams

Randy taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and he'll be
growing it for us and we'll trade it with our friends for all the cocaine
and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a
cure for AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure deserves it!!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your

Your loving daughter,

At the bottom of the page were the letters "PTO".

Hands still trembling, her father turned the sheet, and read:


Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbour's house. I just
wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card
that's in my desk centre drawer. Please sign it and call when it is safe for
me to come home.

I love you!

Your loving daughter,

Choose your "Cow" carefully!

The only cow in a small town in USA stopped giving milk. The people did
some research and found that they could buy a cow from BC Canada for 1,000
dollars, or one from Alberta Canada for 800 dollars. Being poor, they
bought the cow from Alberta.

The cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all the time, and the
people were amazed and very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate
with the cow and produce more cows like it. Then they would never have to
worry about the milk supply again.

They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow.
However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away.
No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the
bull and he could not succeed in his quest.

The people were very upset and decided to ask the rabbi, who was very wise,
what to do. They told the rabbi what was happening; 'Whenever the bull
approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she
moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An
approach from the side and she just walks away to the other side.

The rabbi thought about this for a minute and asked, 'Did you buy this cow
from Alberta?'

The people were dumbfounded. They had never mentioned where they had gotten
the cow. 'You are truly a wise rabbi. How did you know we got the cow from

'The rabbi answered sadly, 'My wife is from Alberta!'

The Most Beautiful Passport of India

Bank Robbery

A man with a gun went into a bank and demanded their money. Once he was
given the money, he turned to a customer and asked,

"Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."

The robber then shot him in the temple, killing him instantly.

He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did
you see me rob this bank?"

The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did."

Hackers control the internet traffic

Internet security researchers on Thursday warned that hackers have caught on to a "critical" flaw that lets them control traffic on the Internet. An elite squad of computer industry engineers that laboured in secret to solve the problem released a software "patch" two weeks ago and sought to keep details of the vulnerability hidden at least a month to give people time to protect computers from attacks.

"We are in a lot of trouble," said IOActive security specialist Dan Kaminsky, who stumbled upon the Domain Name System (DNS) vulnerability about six months ago and reached out to industry giants to collaborate on a solution.

"This attack is very good. This attack is being weaponised out in the field. Everyone needs to patch, please," Kaminsky said. "This is a big deal."

DNS is used by every computer that links to the Internet and works similar to a telephone system routing calls to proper numbers, in this case the online numerical addresses of websites.

The vulnerability allows "cache poisoning" attacks that tinker with data stored in computer memory caches that relay Internet traffic to its destination.

Attackers could use the vulnerability to route Internet users wherever the hackers wanted, no matter what website address is typed into a web browser.

The threat is greatest for business computers handling online traffic or hosting websites, according to security researchers. The flaw is a boon for "phishing" cons that involve leading people to imitation web pages of businesses such as bank or credit card companies to trick them into disclosing account numbers, passwords and other information.

"I was not intentionally seeking to cause anything that could break the Internet," Kaminsky said during a conference call with peers and media. "It’s a little weird to talk about it out loud."

Kaminsky built a webpage,, where people can find out whether their computers have the DNS vulnerability. As of Thursday, slightly more than half the computers tested at the website still needed to be patched. "People are spending tens of thousands of hours getting this patch out the door," Kaminsky said.

The US Computer Emergency Readiness Team (CERT), a joint government-private sector security partnership, is among the chorus urging people to quickly protect computers linked to the Internet. "Just like you should wear a seat belt going down the road to be safe in a car accident, the same applies here," said Jerry Dixon, a former director of cyber security at the US Department of Homeland Security.

Getting Used to It

You may have heard about a new bride who was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time.

He responded, "Sure. You carry the suitcases!"

Baby Protects Mom

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Beware, Renrou's watching you!

A search engine named Renrou, which literally means human flesh, is the new judge and jury of angry netizens as it virtually punishes people with unbecoming behaviour.

The search engine involves thousands of individuals, all mobilized to dig out facts and expose the baleful glare of publicity.

The Internet and conventional search engines are used for the purpose.

In 2001, a netizen posted the photo on Mop of a girl, claiming her to be his girlfriend.

However, Renrou helped other web users find out that woman was Microsoft's model Chen Ziyao, and her personal information was later used to expose that man.

A 41-year-old nurse named Wang Jue was suspended from her job when netizens using Renrou dug out her personal details while probing a video that showed her stabbing a kitten in the eyes with her high heels, and crushing its head.

There was observed a peak of Renrou searching when a husband whose wife committed suicide because of his betrayal, a man who disrupted torch relay in Paris and a girl from northeastern China who dared to criticize those affected by the massive earthquake became targets.

"Those who mistreated the vulnerable are likely to incur the hatred of netizens," Chinese news agency Xinhua quoted an online freelancer nicknamed Ayawawa, who herself was involved in a search for a disloyal husband, as saying.

"I just want them to be punished," she said, adding that according to Chinese law, such behaviour, although immoral, invite no legal punishment.

When a girl from a college in Chongqing municipality said on the Internet that the May 12 earthquake was "interesting", her mother and teacher started to receive threatening phone calls from angry netizens, forcing the girl to suspend her schooling.

The China Youth Daily recently surveyed 2,491 netizens, and found 79.9 per cent of them to believe that Renrou search should be regulated.

While 65.5 per cent thought it might become a new way of venting anger and revenge, 64.6 per cent said that it was infringing privacy, and 20.1 per cent feared that they could become a target.

Ayawawa also agreed that some targets were just scapegoats for netizens to vent their anger in daily life.

The survey also revealed that 24.8 per cent of those polled supported legislation to restrict Renrou searches.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

For Girls Searching Software Groom

A conversation abt the process of selecting a software bridegroom….
Enjoy reading….

Vidhya: hey! What is the matter you have called up all of a sudden?
Nithya : do u remember that my parents gave my horoscope, to search for a suitable match, to many people? So many horoscopes of the groom has come.. In that 4-5 seems to match.. I don't know which one to select, I am confused because of it.
Vidhya: what is the confusion about?
Nithya: horoscopes of many software engineers have come. It seems now a days, the software guys are wanting to marry girls in the other field. That's I why I don't know whom I must select among this. You are a software engineer na pls give me some suggestion .

Vidhya: not a problem at all. So tell me the position that each one holds.
nithya: first is a manager.
Vidhya: manager?? Then he will showcast himself that he is busy always. But he will not do anything properly. He will get u 1 kg of rice and ask you to prepare for the whole area say a village. He will get you mutton and ask you to prepare chicken 65. Even if you protest telling you can't make it, he'll not accept. He will tell you to work hard day and night to prepare it. He will also tell he'll provide you with the night cab. Even if you ask how can I prepare chicken 65 out of it by sitting day and night he will not accept.

nithya: dangerous he is!! Then I must escape. Next is a test engineer.
Vidhya: he is more dangerous than the other person. Whatever you do he will correctly tell only the fault in it. Even if you try to surprise him with 10 variety of food, he will tell the item which does not have salt in it. If you ask him "will you not at least tell that it is good", he will reply back saying it is your duty to make it good so why must I tell that. He is sooo good …
Nithya: then a NO to him also. Next is the performance test engineer.Vidhya: he is another specimen.. even if everything is good, he will ask why did it take this much time. If you take 10 minutes to make a coffee, he will question you asking why you have taken 10 min for a coffee which can be done within 5 min. Even if you say that he is talking about the instant coffee while you have made the filter coffee, he will not accept. The same will be with all the work you do. You must not think about this person if you want to do make up in your life !!!
Nithya: then! you mean to say that we should not marry software guys??
Vidhya: who said like that?? In software there is one more group. They are called the developers group. How much ever you hit them they will bear.Nithya: then tell about them.
Vidhya: you don't have to do anything. They will do everything themselves. If we sit back and just boost them it is enough. But the problem with them is- they will say "I know it" whatever you ask them.
Even that is ok. They will bear how much ever you hit them but the condition is you must keep saying "you are too good" after hitting them every time.Nithya: this is superb. Then we must search for this kind of a groom….


Waiting for the London to Manchester train An American visitor was telling off an Englishman who was trying to read his paper। You English are to stuffy। You set yourselves apart too much। Look at me... in me, I have Italiab blood, French blood, some Polish blood, a little Indian blood, and even some Swedish blood। What do you say about that? The Englishman looked up from reading his paper and said, "Very sporting of your mother"।

A dash of lime

Lime has several health benefits. Here’s how a dash of it can help improve your health.

Digestion: Lime has an irresistible scent which causes the mouth to water. So, it aids primary digestion (the digestive saliva floods your mouth even before you taste it). The acids in it do the rest.

Primarily, ample acids present in lime help clear the excretory system by washing and cleaning the tracts. The roughage in the lime also helps ease constipation. An overdose of lime juice with salt also acts as an excellent purgative without any side effects, thereby giving relief from constipation.

Peptic Ulcer: In addition to vitamin-C, lime contains special compounds called flavonoids (limonoids such as limonin glucoside) which have antioxidant, anti carcinogenic, antibiotic and detoxifying properties to help heal peptic and oral ulcers.

Respiratory disorders:
The oil containing flavonoids and certain oils extracted from lime are extensively used in anti congestive medicines such as balms, vaporisers and inhalers.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Some guidelines for homes

Constructing a house based on Vaastu specifications is not the only criterion for positive energy or positive vibrations. You also need to follow some rules on cleanliness to experience the effects of positive energy.

Here are some guidelines:
It is not advisable to keep a churner directly on the floor.

Sweeping or swabbing the house in the evening i.e. at sunset is not recommended. If this is done, do not throw the rubbish outside till the next morning.

Keeping water jugs near the telephone can create a negative effect on the water.

Swastika or Om symbols on the door are very beneficial. They give immense
strength to the inmates.
Make sure that the doors of the house are not blocked by a bed, furniture, shelf etc.

Even if you don't have a pooja room to meditate in, you should still do it. This can be done by sitting in the north, north-east, or Brahmasthana. It gives immense strength throughout the day.

The chest or drawers for valuables should either face the east or north and never south or west.

It is not preferable to bring office work to the house. But if it is unavoidable, don't bring it to the bedroom, since this brings in tension and stress which is not a positive sign.

Always keep the corners of the house and the rooms clean and well-lit and not dark and dingy.

Planters to adorn interiors

Plant-holders indoors lend an aesthetic and elegant touch to spaces.

Plants bring in freshness and vitality to spaces. They are easily available and viable options for decorating your home. Even a few potted palms can brighten up a space in your home. Plants are natural and make for lively home decor. They have the ability to fit in with your home decor whatever the colour scheme, since they come in a variety of sizes and colours. Just like you have vases for cut and dried flowers, it is essential to have a variety of indoor planters to give the plants and this form of decor an aesthetic value.

Indoor planters take on the same sort of shapes that you expect to find in the garden, but, unless you have a spacious home, they need to be small. The advantage indoors, though, is that you do not have to worry about weathering, so you can have more variety in the materials used to make the planters.

The planters in this material make the setting look dramatic and antique. Wrought iron planters also look trendy. These circular planters come on top of an elegant stand, or
nately made with a lot of curves that are usually possible with metal or wrought iron. The plant holders can also have a shelf underneath where you can place some small pots for extra dimension. You can have it painted in red, black, green, and white too.


This style is suitable for planters kept indoors and not outdoors. Italian ceramic planters look good when placed in corners of the living room or along the staircase. They give the interiors a sophisticated look and have to be dealt with utmost care.


Since wicker can withstand all weather conditions, you could even use them in your patio and balcony. They give your home a simple yet elegant look. With its curved legs, edges, and fluted oval basket which create an exotic, tropical look, the wicker plant holder has a simple pedestal on which you can keep your pot. This planter, with features and accents, is an elegant stand for your potted plants.


This beautiful lustrous stone is a luxury for use in interior design. Each piece of marble unique in its pattern, and it does polish beautifully smooth. Marble can be used for stylish and elegant plant stands too. Marble, when used as a surface, can be used for plant stands. Wooden legs with a marble top can make quite a stunning combination, bringing a touch of luxury to your home. Place crocheted linen on the marble top and then put your pot on it to bring out the full effect of the marble.


Wood serves as an ideal plantholder. The colour tone of the wood chosen for the stand is important, especially if the plant stand is to be placed near other wood furnishings. Wood's natural look helps it to blend well with most surroundings. You can also choose from different shapes like round, rectangular, oval, and triangular for your plants and flowers.


You may love those numerous cuppas, but how healthy are they for your body? Wake up to some new gyan on the brew!

With coffee houses at every corner, we are all consuming more amounts of caffeine everyday. Catching up with friends over a cup has become part of our every day life. The coffee pot is also an indispensable fixture in offices. A cup or two seems to give the burst of energy sought by office workers each morning, or to gain a slight edge on a mental
task late at night. However, caffeine plays havoc with your body and mind.

In its pure form, caffeine is a bittertasting fine white powder that looks
like icing sugar. It is soluble in water and is easily absorbed into the blood stream, reaching the brain rapidly.
In general, a single dose of caffeine will enter the bloodstream within 10 minutes of consumption. Caffeine is at the peak of its concentration between 30
and 60 minutes later, but the absorption is much slower on a full stomach.


Experiments that measure the electrical activity of the brain have shown that caffeine in just one or two cups of instant coffee dramatically changes the pattern of brain activity — from a typical resting state
to that of an alert person.

Caffeine also stimulates the adrenal glands to raise the level of stress hormones. These are the ones that are released when we are anxious, scared, angry or nervous and produce the ‘fight or flight’ response. These hormones also ener
gise and stimulate the brain. Hence, caffeine not only increases the body’s stress levels, but also blocks the action of one of the body’s de-stressing chemicals.

COFFEE TALK: People suffer withdrawal symptoms when they stop consuming coffee abruptly


It takes 24 hours for one cup of coffee to pass through the kidneys and urinary tract. People who have had several cups of coffee will have lots of caffeine in their bloodstream, inhibiting sound sleep.

The body needs to produce more energy in expelling caffeine and this affects the sleep pattern. As a
result we have less energy remaining in our body.

Caffeine will continue to affect your functioning as long as it remains in the bloodstream. Enzymes in the liver also breaks down the drug and removes it from the system.

Some people can drink a large amount of coffee without much effect, while others feel jittery, anxious and simply cannot tolerate caffeine. Smokers experience its effects for a shorter time while women on pills react to it strongly.


Caffeine is definitely habit forming. Many peo
ple depend on it and suffer significant withdrawal symptoms (headaches, dizziness, fatigue, tiredness, anxiety, irritability and anger) when they stop its consumption abruptly.

As the initial stimulating effect of caffeine wears out, the person craves another cup to experience the same lift. People taking more than four cups a day become dependent on it.
These symptoms are often relieved by rushing for another cup of coffee, which reinforces the addictive habit.


Green tea Herbal or lemon-honey tea Plenty of water

Best type of surgical patients

Five surgeons are discussing who are the best type of surgical patients.

The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in, "You know, I like construction workers ... those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, "You're all wrong.

Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There are no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Monday, July 07, 2008

3G Coconut Tree

All these days Coconut tree was one stem plant...Nowadays he thinks 4 a change... A Rare Coconut Tree found in Changanacherry / Kottayam District / in the State of Kerala / India

Sunday, July 06, 2008

Hide Your Emails in Office


Fresh fish

The Japanese have always loved fresh fish.

But the waters close to Japan have not held many fish for decades.

So to feed the Japanese population, fishing boats got bigger and went
farther than ever.

The farther the fishermen went, the longer it took to bring in the fish.

If the return trip took more than a few days, the fish were not fresh. The
Japanese did not like the taste.

To solve this problem, fishing companies installed freezers on their boats.

They would catch the fish and freeze them at sea. Freezers allowed the boats
to go farther and stay longer.

However, the Japanese could taste the difference between fresh and frozen
and they did not like frozen fish.

The frozen fish brought a lower price. So fishing companies installed fish
tanks. They would catch the fish and stuff them in the tanks, fin to fin.

After a little thrashing around, the fish stopped moving.

They were tired and dull, but alive. Unfortunately, the Japanese could still
taste the difference.

Because the fish did not move for days, they lost their fresh-fish taste.

The Japanese preferred the lively taste of fresh fish, not sluggish fish.

So how did Japanese fishing companies solve this problem? How do they get
fresh-tasting fish to Japan?

If you were consulting the fish industry, what would you recommend?

scroll down for answer :


Here is How Japanese Fish Stay Fresh:

To keep the fish tasting fresh, the Japanese fishing companies still put the
fish in the tanks.

But now they add a small shark to each tank. The shark eats a few fish, but
most of the fish arrive in a very lively state. The fish are challenged.

Have you realized that some of us are also living in a pond but most of the
time tired & dull,

so we need a Shark in our life to keep us awake and moving?

Basically in our lives Sharks are new challenges to keep us active and lively.....

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Top 7 reasons why I joined ENGINEERING

1) I hated sleep.

2) I had enjoyed my life enough.

3) I couldn't live without

4) I wanted to pay for my sins.

5) I believed in the Bhagwad Geeta principle : karm karo , phal ki ichha na

6) Everything in life has a reason; i wanted to prove it

7) I wanted to take revenge on myself.
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