Monday, June 28, 2010

`Dead' man walking, `guarding' and also getting salary

Allauddin Sheikh, a security guard with the local civic body, reports to work regularly and draws salary every month. Nothing amiss, except that the 52-year-old was declared "dead" by civic authorities last year.

"In May this year, I learnt through my colleague that I had been declared dead in BMC's records by one of our clerks on October 27, 2009. I have been reporting to work daily and also get my salary on time," Sheikh said.

Sheikh is making endless rounds of the civic body and meeting officials to ensure the error is rectified at the earliest.

"I'm thankful to God that at least my wife, who is suffering from high blood pressure, was not informed about it. But this is ridiculous. How they can declare me dead and on what basis?" he said.

Sheikh joined Brihanmumbai Municipal Corporation (BMC) in 1981 and has six years left for retirement. He is currently posted at the G-south ward office.

The clerical error brought trouble for Sheikh who had taken a Rs 1.25-lakh loan from Municipal Corporation Bank for his daughter's wedding in 2006.

"Since then, I have been paying an instalment of about Rs 3,000 per month. A sum of Rs 35,000 was yet to be paid.

When bank officials learnt about my `death', they deducted the pending amount from my account without my knowledge," Sheikh said.

Joint security officer of BMC S V Kulkarni said, "We admit that our staff committed a mistake and we are rectifying it. It happened mistakenly. Sheikh was irregular on duty and this might be one of the reasons why the clerk may have marked him as dead."

Some very Good and Very bad things

The most destructive habit……….........................Worry
The greatest Joy...................................................Giving

The greatest loss..............................Loss of self-respect
The most satisfying work.......................Helping others

The ugliest personality trait.........................Selfishness
The most endangered species..........Dedicated leaders

Our greatest natural resource....................Our youth
The greatest 'shot in the arm'.............Encouragement

The greatest problem to overcome….....................Fear
The most effective sleeping pill.............Peace of mind

The most crippling failure disease................Excuses
The most powerful force in life..........................Love

The most dangerous pariah.....................A gossiper
The world's most incredible computer.......The brain

The worst thing to be without....................Hope
The deadliest weapon.........................The tongue

The two most power-filled words..............'I Can'
The greatest asset........................................Faith

The most worthless emotion...................Self-pity
The most beautiful attire.......................SMILE!

The most prized possession....................Integrity
The most powerful channel of communication.......Prayer

The most contagious spirit..................Enthusiasm
The most important thing in life..................GOD THE ALMIGHTY.


Our Birth is our Opening Balance!
Our Death is our Closing Balance!

Our Prejudiced Views are our Liabilities.
Our Creative Ideas are our Assets.

Heart is our Current Asset.
Soul is our Fixed Asset.

Brain is our Fixed Deposit.
Thinking is our Current Account.

Achievements are our Capital.
Character & Morals, our Stock-in-Trade.

Friends are our General Reserves.
Values & Behaviour are our Goodwill.

Love is our Dividend.
Children are our Bonus Issues.

Education is Brands / Patents.
Knowledge is our Investment.

Experience is our Premium Account.
The Aim is to Tally the Balance Sheet Accurately.

The Goal is to get the Best Presented Accounts Award.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

New York web designer develops nuclear reactor at home

A New York web designer for fashion house Gucci made the eye balls roll when he revealed that he has developed a nuclear reactor in a Brooklyn warehouse.

Mark Suppes, a 32-year-old amateur physicist with a passion for sustainable energy, made the 40,000-dollar fusion reactor in his leisure time.

"I was inspired because I believed I was looking at a technology that could actually work to solve our energy problems, and I believed it was something that I could at least begin to build," quoted Suppes as telling the BBC.

He is the 38th independent physicist across the world to accomplish nuclear fusion from a self-built reactor.

Fusion reactors are perfectly legal in the US and pose no radioactive threat.


Napoleon said..
"The world suffers a lot. Not because of the violence of bad people, but because of the silence of good people!"

Michael Paul said..
I wrote on the door of heart, "Please do not enter"
Love came smiling and said: "Sorry I am an illiterate"

Einstein said..
"I am thankful to all those who said NO to me
It’s Because of them I did it myself.

Abraham Lincoln said..
"If friendship is your weakest point then you are the strongest person in the world."

Shakespeare said..
"Laughing Faces Do Not Mean That There Is Absence Of Sorrow!
But It Means That They Have The Ability To Deal With It"

Shakespeare said..
"In The Times Of Crisis I Was Not Hurt By The Harsh Words Of My Enemies,
But By The Silence Of My Friends".

Shakespeare said..
"Never Play With The Feelings Of Others Because You May Win The Game
But You Will Surely Lose The Person For Life Time"

Shakespeare said..
"Coin Always Makes Sound But The Currency Notes Are Always Silent.
So When Your Value Increases Keep Yourself Calm Silent"

William Arthur said..
"Opportunities Are Like Sunrises, If You Wait Too Long You Can Miss Them"

Hitler said..
"When You Are In The Light, Everything Follows You,
But When You Enter Into The Dark, Even Your Own Shadow Doesn’t Follow You"

Shiv Khera..
"If We Are Not Part Of The Solutions, We Are The Big Problems"
"Winners Never Do The Different Things,
They Do The Things Differently".

John Keats said..
"It Is Very Easy To Defeat Someone, But It Is Very Hard To Win Someone"

Tuesday, June 15, 2010


A Tourist complimented the local fishermen on the quality of their fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.

"Not very long." they answered in unison.

"Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?"

The fishermen explained that their small catches were sufficient to meet their needs and those of their families.

"But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

"We sleep late, fish a little, play with our children, and take siestas with our wives. In the evenings, we go into the village to see our friends,
have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs. We have a full life."

The tourist interrupted,
"I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch.
With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat."

"And after that?"

"With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers.
Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant.

You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City , Los Angeles , or even New York City ! From there you can direct your huge new enterprise."

"How long would that take?"

"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years." replied the tourist.

"And after that?"

"Afterwards? Well my friend, that's when it gets really interesting, " answered the tourist, laughing. "When your business gets really big,
you can start buying and selling stocks and make millions!"

"Millions? Really? And after that?" asked the fishermen.

"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."

“ That’s what we are doing now” replied the fishermen

And the moral of this story is:
........ Know where you're going in life.... you may already be there!!

Monday, June 14, 2010

Saturday, June 12, 2010

The Best "Out-Of-Office" E-Mail Auto-Replies:

1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.

2: I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.

3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management

5: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

7: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.'

(The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).

8: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

9: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

10: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.

11: I've run away to join a different circus.


12: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of 'Steve'…

Friday, June 11, 2010

Hilarious Q & A

A first-grade teacher, Ms Neelam (Age 28) was having trouble with one of her students the teacher asked,"Boy. what is your problem?"

Boy answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"

Ms Neelam had enough. She took Boy. to the principal's office. While Boy. waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.She agreed.

Boy. was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Boy.: "9".

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Boy.: "36".

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Neelam and tells her, "I think Boy can go to the third-grade."

Ms Neelam says to the principal, "I have some of my own questions.

Can I ask him ?" The principal and Boy both agreed.

Ms Neelam asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of? Boy.,
after a moment "Legs."

Ms Neelam: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
Boy.: "Pockets."

Ms Neelam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval,delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy.: Coconut

Ms Neelam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy. was taking charge.
Boy.: Bubblegum

Ms Neelam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...
Boy.: Shake hands

Ms Neelam: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
Boy.: Yep.

Ms Neelam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Boy.: Tent

Ms Neelam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.
Boy.: Wedding Ring

Ms Neelam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Boy.: Nose

Ms Neelam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Boy.: Arrow

Ms Neelam: What word sta rts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?
Boy.: Firetruck

Ms Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u dont get it u have to use ur hand.
Boy.: Fork

Ms Neelam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?

Ms Neelam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?
Boy.: HEART.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, "Send This Boy to IIM Bangalore I got the last ten questions wrong myself!! "

thoughts of Attitude !

Wednesday, June 09, 2010

Riddles of Alphabets

Q: What letter of the alphabet is an insect?
A: B. (bee)

Q: What letter is a part of the head?
A: I. (eye)

Q: What letter is a drink?
A: T. (tea)

Q: What letter is a body of water?
A: C. (sea)

Q: What letter is a pronoun like "you"?
A: The letter " I "

Q: What letter is a vegetable?
A: P. (pea)

Q: What letter is an exclamation?
A: O. (oh!)

Q: What letter is looking for causes ?
A: Y. (why)

Q: What four letters frighten a thief?
A: O.I.C.U. (Oh I see you!)

Q: What comes once in a minute, twice in a moment but not once in a thousand years?
A: The letter "m".

Q: Why is the letter "T" like an island ?
A: Because it is in the middle of waTer.

Q: In what way can the letter "A" help a deaf lady?
A: It can make "her" "hear.

Q: Which is the loudest vowel?
A: The letter "I". It is always in the midst of noise

Q: What way are the letter "A" and "noon" alike?
A: Both of them are in the middle of the "day".

Q: Why is "U" the happiest letter?
A: Because it is in the middle of "fun".

Q: What word of only three syllables contains 26 letters?
A: Alphabet = (26 letters)

Q: What relatives are dependent on "you"?
A: Aunt, uncle, cousin. They all need "U".

Monday, June 07, 2010


It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named
Chandrasekhar Subramani entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'?"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand
up: 'Patrick Henry, 1775' he said.

'Very good! Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?''

Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar. 'Abraham Lincoln, 1863' said Chandrasekhar.

The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do.'

She heard a loud whisper: 'Fuck the Indians,'

'Who said that?' she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up. 'General Custer, 1862.'

At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.'

The teacher glares around and asks 'All right! Now, who said that?'

Again,Chandrasekhar says, 'George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.'

Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!'

Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher , 'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky,1997'

Now with almost mob hysteria someone said 'You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you.'

Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, ' Michael Jackson (RIP) to the child witnesses testifying against him- 2004.'

The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, 'Oh shit, we're screwed!'

And Chandrasekhar said quietly, 'I think it was the American people, November 4th, 2008".(recession)

Quote of the Day!

God sprinkles tiny but wonderful seeds of blessings on earth each day...and I just caught one that's so nice and true...

Friday, June 04, 2010

CWG tickets launched; prices range from Rs 50 to 50,000

Price ranging from a modest Rs 50 to a whopping Rs 50,000, tickets for this year's Commonwealth Games went on sale today with sports enthusiasts having the option of booking them online or through call centres.

The ticketing website -- and a call center facility 1800-200-1294 to book the tickets -- were launched at a function here by Delhi Lt Governor Tejender Khanna, Organising Committee Chairman Suresh Kalmadi and city Mayor Prithiviraj Sahni. Ticket prices for the sporting events range from Rs 50 to Rs 1,000 while prices for the Opening and Closing Ceremony range from Rs 1,000 to Rs 50,000 and Rs 750 to Rs 50,000 respectively.

Four events will have free entry for fans -- the Marathon, the Walk, Cycling Road Race and Cycling Time Trial. Almost 40 per cent of the competition venue tickets have been put at Rs 200 or below, the Organising Committee said.

"Tickets is one of the four revenue streams for the Organising Committee, the others being Broadcast Rights, Sponsorship and Merchandise. I am sure ticketing will raise the budgeted revenues for us," Kalmadi said.

"Tickets have been reasonably priced to make it affordable for all. There will no entertainment tax on the tickets so that one can get full value of his money. We have put in place multiple sales channel to ensure wider distribution," Kalmadi added.

The sale of the tickets will start with immediate effect through the Central Bank of India and Hero Honda stores, CWG ticketing call center (1800-200-1294) as well as through the official website.

Indian Rail Catering and Tour Company (IRCTC) has been appointed the official ticketing agency along with Broad Vision Systems and TicketPro. IRCTC will sell tickets via the Internet, call center, a network of retail outlets and at different sporting venues during the Games.

There will be around 17 lakh tickets available for sale. The ticket sales will be done in three phases. During phase-I (June 1 to July 31), spectators buying the tickets will be provided with a confirmation voucher which will be exchanged for actual tickets beginning August 1, also marking the start of phase-II.

During the second phase (August 1 to September 31), the spectators will have actual tickets against every purchase. Phase-III, which will begin just before the Games (October 1), will see venue sales outlets also added to the sales channel.

Ticket sales in international markets began in November 2009 while sales to sponsors began last month. Each ticket holder can travel free of charge by Delhi Metro trains and DTC buses to reach and return from the venue on the day of the event for which they hold a ticket.

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

Indian Mother

Mom comes to visit her son Kumar for dinner....... who lives with a girl roommate Sunita. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Kumar's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Kumar volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Sunita and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Sunita came to Kumar saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Kumar said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote :

Dear Mother:

I'm not saying that you 'did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the silver plate.. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love, Kumar

Several days later, Kumar received an email from his Mother which read :
Dear Son:

I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Sunita, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Sunita. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now under the pillow...

Love, Mom.

Lesson of the day:

Don't Lie to Your Mother...........especially if she is Indian!


o Rajnikanth makes onions cry
o Rajnikanth can delete the Recycle Bin.
o Ghosts are actually caused by Rajnikanth killing people faster than Death can process them.
o Rajnikanth can build a snowman..... out of rain.
o Rajnikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone.
o Rajnikanth can drown a fish.
o When Rajnikanth enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
o When Rajnikanth looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Rajnikanth and Rajnikanth.
o Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Rajnikanth can throw Brett Favre even further.
o Rajnikanth does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
o Bullets dodge Rajnikanth.
o A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Rajnikanth and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
o Rajnikanth' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Rajnikanth.
o Rajnikanth can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
o Once a cobra bit Rajnikanth' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
o Rajnikanth can kill two stones with one bird.
o Rajnikanth was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
o Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Rajnikanth can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.
o There is no such thing as global warming. Rajnikanth was cold, so he turned the sun up.
o Rajnikanth has a deep and abiding respect for human life? unless it gets in his way.
o It takes Rajnikanth 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
o Rajnikanth once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
o In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajnikanth could use to kill you, including the room itself.
o Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Rajnikanth.
o Rajnikanth got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.
o With the rising cost of gasoline, Rajnikanth is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
o The square root of Rajnikanth is pain. Do not try to square Rajnikanth, the result is death.
o When you say "no one's perfect", Rajnikanth takes this as a personal insult.
o Outer space exists because its afraid to be on the same planet with Rajnikanth.
o Rajnikanth has counted infinity--twice.
o Rajnikanth doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
o The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Rajnikanth kicked one of the corners off.
o Rajnikanth once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
o Where there is a will, there is a way. Where there is Rajnikanth, there is no other way!
o Rajnikanth can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
o Rajnikanth can slam a revolving door.
o When Rajnikanth falls in water, Rajnikanth doesn't get wet. Water gets Rajnikanth.
o Rajnikanth can divide by zero.
o The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Rajnikanth has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
o Rajnikanth is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
o Rajnikanth ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
o Rajnikanth frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
o Rajnikanth's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
o If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time?

Answer: Rajnikanth

o If you want a list of Rajnikanth's enemies, just check the extinct species list.
o Most people put their pants on one leg at a time, Rajnikanth does both legs at once.
o Rajnikanth does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
o There are two kinds of people in this world: 1) those who are dead & 2) those who have yet to meet Rajnikanth
o Music listens to Rajnikanth

Jains & Their Achievements in India

1) contribute 24% of Total Income Tax
2) 62% of Total Charity fund
3) run 12000 out of 16000 Gaushala
4) More than 50,000 temples in India with maximum tirthdham
5) 46% of share brokers in India are Jain
6) most of the leading news papers are owned by jain's
7) contribute 25% of India's GDP growth
8) own more than 28% Indian property
9) Richest community in world
10) Jains are less than 1% of India's population

Goan Jew

Oscar Weil and Benjamin Oppenheimer are American Jews and had come to Goa with a troop of Israelis for some R&R. While sitting at a local taverna, it came upon Benjie to ask, "Are there any Goan Jews?"

"I don't know," Oscar replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?" The rest of the troop had no idea either..

When the waiter came by, Benjie asked him, "Are there any Goan Jews?"

"I not know sir, I check," the waiter replied, and he went to speak to the bartender. He returned in a few minutes and said, "No, sir. No Goan Jews."

"Are you sure?" Benjie asked.

"I checking again, sir" the waiter replied and went back to the bartender.

While he was still gone, Oscar said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in Goa, our people are scattered everywhere."
When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, no Goan Jews.."

"Are you really sure?" Benjie asked again. "I cannot believe there are no Goan Jews."

"Sir, I check," the waiter replied exasperated. "We have orange Jews, mango Jews and pineapple Jews, but patrao not knows Goan Jews! If you like, you can even have Feni with Jews

Cheers !

66-year-old fails in Class X for 45th time

It was 45th time unlucky for 66-year-old Jabbar Husen from an Uttar Pradesh village who has failed his Class 10 exams again this year -- but the never-say-die grocer is determined to try and try again till he succeeds in clearing the exam.

Husen, who owns a grocery store in Fatehpur district's Bindki village, about 200 km from here, could not clear three of the six papers in Class 10. Results of the Class 10 Uttar Pradesh board were announced Tuesday.

"He (Husen), who is probably the oldest candidate enrolled with the Uttar Pradesh Madhyamik Shiksha Parishad, failed to clear English, Science and Elementary Mathematics papers," District Inspector of Schools (DIOS) Prakash Maurya told IANS.

"As per the new grading pattern, any candidate who fails to clear more than two subjects is not eligible for a re-examination. So Jabbar will have to appear in the board exams next year to pass Class 10. However, his determination to pass the exams without any unfair means has impressed all of us," he said.

Successive failures have not deterred Husen as he hopes to clear the Class 10 boards some day.

"I will continue to appear for the Class 10 boards exams till I clear them. It's my dream...I am quite sure I would be able to accomplish it someday with my hard work," Husen told reporters.

"Every year I learn something from my mistake and ensure they are not repeated in the next exams. This year too I realised some of my mistakes due to which I could not pass my exams. But I am confident about turning my dream into reality," he said.
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