If you failed to pull a cracker during the festive season, don’t think the rest of the year will be a romantic write-off. In fact, 2008 could turn out to be your best year for dating yet, especially if you follow these tips from Match.com’s relationship expert KATE TAYLOR
1. Prioritise your Love Life
There’s a part of all of us that believes the old saying, “Love will find you when you’re not looking for it.” Which is probably good advice, in that if you roam the singles scene latching on to anyone promising like a love-struck crab, you probably won’t get very far. But don’t take the advice to mean that you must remain passive in your search for Mr and Mrs Right.
When we talk to successful couples who found each other through Match.com, we always notice that they were proactive in their search for love. They opened an account, uploaded flattering pictures, and made an effort to regularly check their messages. It’s not a full-time job – just 15 minutes a day will keep you on top of your inbox – but it’s something you should do if you want to find someone lovely. And spending 15 minutes reading your messages will be a lot more fun that using those minutes to clean under the fridge or scrub the bathmat.
Making an effort this way helps you keep a positive attitude and it reminds your brain that you want to find someone – which means that, when they find you, you’ll recognise them immediately.
2. Be Light-hearted
Don’t allow yourself to take the search for Love too seriously. When we’ve been single for a while, we often start to feel negative about relationships, and that attitude can make you seem cynical, suicidal or psychotic on dates. So, don’t focus on how long you’ve been alone – instead, cheer yourself up with the fact that there are billions of singletons in this country and you only have to find one. Then, don’t be afraid to be sassy or cheeky; it makes you appear confident. Write a funny profile on the Match site that showcases your sense of humour. Go speed-dating, and treat it as a laugh, not the Last-Chance Saloon. Keep yourself upbeat with regular massages and haircuts, and fill your life with exciting activities you can enjoy as a single person. That way, you won’t be focussing on what you’re missing, but how full your life is already.
3. Show up to everything
Your perfect match isn’t going to suddenly show up and knock on your door one day, unless you’re hoping to fall in love with a Jehovah’s Witness. So, to meet your Match, you have to get out there. For one month, I want you to go to every event you’re invited to, no matter how boring it might sound. The office crew asks you to go bowling with them after work? This month, you’re going to go. Next-door neighbour has a drinks party for teetotal ex-prisoners? This month, you’re going to go. Your local vet has an open day? This month, you’ll be there. You get the idea.
Why? Because it will force you out of your comfort zone – which as a single person, is probably centred around your sofa – and it will give your social-skills a good buffing-up which will help you immensely on dates. And, it will give Fate a chance to get you together with your Perfect Partner. Listen, don’t argue with me – just do it.
4. Adopt a celebrity
Who do you admire that’s famous? Think of one person then adopt them, secretly, as your alter-ego. It can be anyone you like, as long as they have the important characteristic: you think of them as braver and more go-getting than yourself. Now, when you find yourself paralysed with terror in front of an attractive profile on Match, or too scared to ask someone out on a date, I want you to pretend that you’re not you, but Celebrity Stand-In instead. What would they do? Would they balk at chatting someone up, or just do it? Decide how they’d react and proceed accordingly. This is much more effective than you’ll ever believe, as it releases you from fear and helps you to do scary things because it doesn’t feel anymore as if you’re the one doing them. Use this technique whenever you need a shot of instant charisma and bravery.
5. Get touchy
One of the things we miss when we’re single is physical touching. But I don’t want you to live this way because lack of touching can contribute to real health problems, like depression and high blood pressure. To make sure you get your daily dose of touching, book regular massages, take dance lessons and try to be slightly more touchy-feely when you talk to people. (Give them a light tap on the arm to make a point, for example – don’t go ramming your hand down their top.) Stroking an animal is amazingly good for stress-relief, so pet your pets or those of a friend. It’ll boost your health and help keep you positive until you find a perfect partner.
1. Prioritise your Love Life
There’s a part of all of us that believes the old saying, “Love will find you when you’re not looking for it.” Which is probably good advice, in that if you roam the singles scene latching on to anyone promising like a love-struck crab, you probably won’t get very far. But don’t take the advice to mean that you must remain passive in your search for Mr and Mrs Right.
When we talk to successful couples who found each other through Match.com, we always notice that they were proactive in their search for love. They opened an account, uploaded flattering pictures, and made an effort to regularly check their messages. It’s not a full-time job – just 15 minutes a day will keep you on top of your inbox – but it’s something you should do if you want to find someone lovely. And spending 15 minutes reading your messages will be a lot more fun that using those minutes to clean under the fridge or scrub the bathmat.
Making an effort this way helps you keep a positive attitude and it reminds your brain that you want to find someone – which means that, when they find you, you’ll recognise them immediately.
2. Be Light-hearted
Don’t allow yourself to take the search for Love too seriously. When we’ve been single for a while, we often start to feel negative about relationships, and that attitude can make you seem cynical, suicidal or psychotic on dates. So, don’t focus on how long you’ve been alone – instead, cheer yourself up with the fact that there are billions of singletons in this country and you only have to find one. Then, don’t be afraid to be sassy or cheeky; it makes you appear confident. Write a funny profile on the Match site that showcases your sense of humour. Go speed-dating, and treat it as a laugh, not the Last-Chance Saloon. Keep yourself upbeat with regular massages and haircuts, and fill your life with exciting activities you can enjoy as a single person. That way, you won’t be focussing on what you’re missing, but how full your life is already.
3. Show up to everything
Your perfect match isn’t going to suddenly show up and knock on your door one day, unless you’re hoping to fall in love with a Jehovah’s Witness. So, to meet your Match, you have to get out there. For one month, I want you to go to every event you’re invited to, no matter how boring it might sound. The office crew asks you to go bowling with them after work? This month, you’re going to go. Next-door neighbour has a drinks party for teetotal ex-prisoners? This month, you’re going to go. Your local vet has an open day? This month, you’ll be there. You get the idea.
Why? Because it will force you out of your comfort zone – which as a single person, is probably centred around your sofa – and it will give your social-skills a good buffing-up which will help you immensely on dates. And, it will give Fate a chance to get you together with your Perfect Partner. Listen, don’t argue with me – just do it.
4. Adopt a celebrity
Who do you admire that’s famous? Think of one person then adopt them, secretly, as your alter-ego. It can be anyone you like, as long as they have the important characteristic: you think of them as braver and more go-getting than yourself. Now, when you find yourself paralysed with terror in front of an attractive profile on Match, or too scared to ask someone out on a date, I want you to pretend that you’re not you, but Celebrity Stand-In instead. What would they do? Would they balk at chatting someone up, or just do it? Decide how they’d react and proceed accordingly. This is much more effective than you’ll ever believe, as it releases you from fear and helps you to do scary things because it doesn’t feel anymore as if you’re the one doing them. Use this technique whenever you need a shot of instant charisma and bravery.
5. Get touchy
One of the things we miss when we’re single is physical touching. But I don’t want you to live this way because lack of touching can contribute to real health problems, like depression and high blood pressure. To make sure you get your daily dose of touching, book regular massages, take dance lessons and try to be slightly more touchy-feely when you talk to people. (Give them a light tap on the arm to make a point, for example – don’t go ramming your hand down their top.) Stroking an animal is amazingly good for stress-relief, so pet your pets or those of a friend. It’ll boost your health and help keep you positive until you find a perfect partner.
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