Human Race

A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race come about?"

The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children and
so all mankind was made."

Two days later she asks her father the same question.

The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys, and we
developed from them."

The confused girl returns to her mother and says, "Mom, how is it
possible that you told me that the human race was created by God and
Papa says we developed from monkeys?"

The mother answers, "Well dear, it is very simple. I told you about the
origin of my side of the family, and your father told you about
his."

How Fast Do You Type?

I saw this Typing Test at Mariuca blog, I knew I just had to have it here. Apparently, I type 60 words per minute. How about YOU? Ever wondered just how fast you really do type? Take this fun & short test to discover your score!

60 words

Speedtest

how a computer works? ... It makes so much sense

Here I was thinking that it was because of transistors, IC chips etc....
[Click on the Snap to get full Image]

The safe way to abandon your PC

On your way to give up your PC because you are moving onto a new job?
Here is how to do that, in a safe and secure way

If you've been using a computer for some time and need to abandon it - either because you're leaving a job or moving to another machine - you need to be concerned about security. Simply put, once you're gone, a lot of information can be retrieved about you just by inspecting the digital traces you leave behind.

So before you say goodbye to a PC, follow this list of to-do items to ensure that no one gains information about you that they do not need to know.

The applications on your PC keep a record of almost everything you do. By default, your Web browser probably leaves tracks from a lot of the sites you've visited, stores the user names you use online, the files you've downloaded, and even passwords, if you allow it.

Many business applications also keep track of the documents you've last worked on or edited. "Histories" are useful to those who need quick recall of what they last worked on, but they're anathema to those who require privacy.

There are ways to selectively clear usage history with each of the applications that keep such records. But because it's difficult to remember exactly which applications are keeping a record of how you've used a computer, a better solution is to turn to a tool that specialises in removing traces of every document you've worked on or website you've visited.

Clear History, for instance, removes the history of activity kept by most popular applications. It can clear not only document and Internet history but also can ferret down into more arcane data and registry information, removing any record of your activity.

If the PC you've been using contains sensitive files, it's not enough simply to delete them. Even if you delete a file and subsequently remove it from the recycle bin, a savvy user can reconstruct deleted data and potentially gain access to files that you thought were gone for good.

So to delete sensitive files, you have to turn to something more robust than the delete key. Software-based file shredders fit the bill. Most of these applications work by scrambling the contents of a file using special algorithms.

Your e-mail probably holds plenty of information you'd rather not see fall into the hands of someone who comes along to use a computer after you. So it's critical that you know how to destroy e-mail you do not want others to see.

First, though, that deleting e-mail from a machine that has been connected to a corporate network probably does not actually remove all traces of messages you've revived or sent. Many companies are required by law to keep copies of the e-mail their employees generate, so your best course of action is to plan ahead and never send sensitive information by e-mail from work.

You can delete e-mail messages individually using the Delete key on particular messages. Remember, though, that deleting e-mail messages this way just sends them to the Deleted E-mail folder, where they will need to be deleted again. Holding down the Shift key while deleting messages sends them directly to the recycle bin in Outlook and Outlook Express.

If you have the option to completely wipe out a hard drive before leaving a machine or returning it, take advantage of it. A study by researchers at Britain's Glamorgan University showed that more than half of the used hard drives purchased from eBay contained retrievable personal and financial information.

Reformatting an old hard drive isn't enough, since even a standard reformat can leave the data on a disk vulnerable to retrieval by savvy users.

So you need to look into disk shredding tools before passing on a hard drive that may contain sensitive information. As with file shredders, you'll find plenty of commercial utilities that can accomplish this task, but capable free ones exist as well.

Look to the popular Darik's Boot and Nuke (http://dban.sourceforge.net), for instance. This programme runs from a boot disk or drive and proceeds to securely erase any hard drive that it finds on a system.

Split wide open

Divorce can be quite taxing..mentally as well as physically. Children only make the issue more tender. Here’s how you can end it all cordially

Decide on the lifestyle you would pursue after divorce. This will depend on your income and expense list.

Divorces can never be an easy job. With its emotional hazards and financial traps divorces can get pretty messy. Here’s what you can do to end it all in a friendly way:

It always helps to finish things off amongst yourselves. If you and your spouse can’t agree on certain things, it is the judge who will make that decision for you. Instead of a third person deciding it for you, do it on your own. If it’s too difficult, involve a divorce mediator. He is trained to create a cordial situation.

Take care of your health. All the emotional turmoil can drain you out especially at a time when you need to be rational and open-minded. Eat well and do all that you can to relieve stress.

Try to look for a common goal. It may be regarding your children’s future, or regarding the divorce process or anything else.

Try to follow that goal and it will help you achieve some kind of harmony.

If you have kids, decide on a parenting plan. Decide the smaller nitty-gritties like religion, rules, discipline, philosophy etc.

Decide custody matters and how often the kids can meet either of you. Try to have a mutual understanding about their future education, health and emotional well-being.

Decide on the division of your assets including real estate, retirement accounts, and whatever little thing you both own, jointly and separately. If it becomes too much of an ordeal bring in a mediator.

Sort out all your income and expenses.

Try to clear all your debts before the separation or have a clear understanding about them. List out your credit cards, loans, outstanding bills, mortgages etc and decide on who’s going to pay for the various debtsList out your income sources first and then your monthly expenses. Also include the expenses relating to your divorce like moving costs, down payments on a new home, furniture and other home making expenses. Consider your children’s expenses as well.

These would help in mediating the divorce.

It would help if you try to see things from your spouse’s perspective. It never helps if you stick to your own view. Try to be in his or her shoes and think objectively. It will sort out the cobwebs in your mind.

Decide on the lifestyle you would pursue after divorce. This will depend on your income and expense list. It will help you calculate each other’s financial needs in the future.

Go for trained mediation. Professional assistance always helps in pursuing a ‘friendly divorce’. Apart from the mediator, if your attorney is trying to create tension in the proceedings, opt for some other attorney.

Game over..

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to
his Customer,

"This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it
to you."

The barber puts a five rupee coin in one hand and two one rupee
coins(1+1=2) in the other, then calls the boy over and asks,

"Which do you want, son?"

The boy takes the two one rupee coins and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never
learns!" I have proved so many times by offering him coins

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy
coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a
question?
Why did you take two one rupee coins instead of five rupee
coin?"

The boy licked his cone and replied,

"Because THE DAY I TAKE THE FIVE RUPEE COIN, THE GAME IS OVER.
Moral : Don't be too quick to judge who is dumb and who isn't -
It may just be that - you are making a fool of yourself.

Time-left vs Work-left

Online Chatting.... [ :-)) ]

A Guy WAS chatting with a female(never met her directly) - Online chat.

Background, both are s/w engineers by the way and both work for real big MNC's

Hero: Hey...GM (Good Morning)... How's u doing today?

Female: VGM...Day is going good and it got better having found u on chat

Hero: wow...am honored, u know what, my day starts only when I find you on Chat

Female: Yep...me too feel the same...Brb (be right back)'ll get some Coffee.

Hero: OK(Hero waits impatiently. Meanwhile, his manager comes to his seat.)

Manager: Hey, I need some help from you

Hero: [**** This guy always comes at wrong time] Yeah tell me

Manager: Could u write a program for me which generates nth prime number,

Given value of n. Would you give this by today evening?

Hero: I would do that, but I think it's quite hard, is it ok with you, if I

Give it by tomorrow evening.

Manager: Yeah, that would be fine. Thank you [Leaves the place]

(Our hero sighs and stares at his monitor waiting impatiently for Female to

Arrive. All of a sudden smiles on his face. Over to chat window...)

Female: Hey, am back

Hero: cool, you know what my manager does, She's kinda..... keeps

asking stupid Things, tries to give me stupid work

Female: Yeah, it's the same everywhere. Real sick ppl these managers are!!

Hero: Yep, u rite!!

Female: Hey, can u do me a favor

Hero: *smiles* sure, why not.

Female: Hey, I want you to write me a program to print nth prime Number,

given N. Would you give that to me by tomorrow evening? Plzzz. You know it's

real Urgent for me to work this out

Hero: hey, that's a one-hour's work. Sure check Ur mail in an hour from now. ok?

Female: THIS IS WHAT I ASKED U WHEN I CAME TO YOUR WORK PLACE. NOW YOU KNOW

WHO I AM!! AND ONE MORE POINT.... YOUR 1 HOUR TIME STARTS NOW!!

Beauty of Black

Jews..........

Sid and Al, both Jews, were having dinner in a Chinese restaurant.

During their conversation, Sid asked Al, "Are there any Jews in China?"

"I don't know," replied Al. "Why don't we ask our Chinese waiter?"

When the waiter came by, Al asked him, "Are there Chinese Jews?'

Waiter said, "I don't know sir, let me ask," and went into the kitchen.
He returned a few minutes later and said, "No sir. No, Chinese Jews".

"Are you sure?" Al asked.

"I check again, sir," the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen.

While he was gone, Sid said to Al, "I can't believe there are no Jews
in China. Our people are scattered everywhere."

At this point, the waiter returned. "Sir, no Chinese Jews," he said.

"Are you really sure, man?" Al asked again. "I can't believe there are
no Chinese Jews."

Exasperated, the waiter frantically said, "Sir, I ask everyone! We have
Apple Jews, Orange Jews, Tomato Jews and Grape Jews. But no one hear of
Chinese Jews!"

POLYMORPHISM

"Boys use word friendship to start LOVE, Girls use same word to end LOVE.
Same word but different attitude, this OOPS concept is called as POLYMORPHISM"

American Thinking (Joke)

Man sees a woman getting chased by a dog.

When the dog is about to bite the woman,

the man intervenes and kicks the dog.

A reporter was seeing all this.

He said "That was great.

I'll definitely publish this in newspaper.

Tomorrow the headline will be

'LOCAL HERO SAVES LADY FROM A DOG'."

The man replied "Thank you, but I'm not from here.

I am from US". Reporter " OK.
Then the headline will be

US CITIZEN SAVES WOMAN FROM A DOG".

Man: Actually, I live in US but I'm not a US citizen.

I'm a Pakistani national".

Next day, the headline in the paper read .... .... .... .... .... .... ........ .... .... .... .... .... .... .... ....

TERRORIST ATTACKS A LOCAL DOG

Fifteen inches curtain

Fifteen inches curtain
Sardarji enters a store that sell curtains.

He tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."

The salesman assured him that they had a large selection of pink
curtains. He showed him several patterns, but Santa seemed to be having
a hard time choosing.

Finally, he selects a lovely pink floral print.

The salesman asked what size curtains he needed.

Sardarji replies, "Fifteen inches."

"Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what
room are they for?"

Sardarji tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for his
computer monitor.

The surprised salesman replies, "But, sir, computers do not have curtains!"

Sardarji says, "Hellllooooooooo........I've got Windows!"

A great note

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room.

One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs.
His bed was next to the room ' s only window.

The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.

The men talked for hours on end.
They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.

Every afternoon, when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.

The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.

The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake.
Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.

As the man by the window described all this in exquisite details, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine this picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon, the man by the window described a parade passing by.

Although the other man could not hear the band - he could see it in his mind ' s eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.

Days, weeks and months passed.

One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep.
She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.

As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.

Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside.
He strained to slowly turn to look out the window besides the bed.

It faced a blank wall.

The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.

The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.

She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you."

Epilogue:

There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations.

Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled.

If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can ' t buy.

"Today is a gift, that is why it is called The Present ."

When are you too old?

When asked how it was that she has lived so long, one 91-year-old woman replied, "I think God is testing the patience of my relatives."

When is "too old"? At what age do we give up?

• At 100, Grandma Moses was still painting, and Titian painted "Battle of Lepants" when he was 98.

• At 93, George Bernard Shaw wrote Far fetched Fables.

• At 91, Eamon de Valera served as president of Ireland.

• At 90, Pablo Picasso still drew and engraved.

• At 89, Arthur Rubinstein gave one of his greatest recitals in New York's Carnegie Hall, and Pablo Casals, at 88, still performed cello concerts.

• At 82, Winston Churchill wrote the four-volume work, A History of the English- Speaking Peoples, Leo Tolstoy completed I Cannot Be Silent, and Goethe, at the same age, finished Faust.

• At 81, Benjamin Franklin engineered the diplomacy, which led to the adoption of the U.S. Constitution.

When are you "too old"? Only on the day when you truly have nothing left to give. And the good news is this: that day never has to arrive!.

Evolution :-)

On the ceiling poster...

This is actually an on-the-ceiling poster in the smoking room at an IT firm in Mumbai, India.

E-Business in India

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A corrupt minister used to write 'NOT APPROVED' on all the papers that
were sent to him by his assistants, He always left a significant space
between NOT and APPROVED.

When the affected persons suitable greased his palms, he would recall
the file and just add an 'E:' after NOT so that it became 'NOTE: APPROVED'.

This was the beginning of eBusiness in India!

A Guide To All Future Parents

Apple Disaster

Be Careful while eating apples. Please don't eat the skin of the apple
b'coz it's coated with wax Check before you eat many of the fruits. WAX
is being used as preservation Purposes and then cold stored. You might
be surprised especially

apples from USA and other parts are more than one year old, though it
would look fresh. Becox wax is coated preventing bacteria to enter. So
it does not get dry. Please Eat Apples after taking the wax as
demonstrated below.

13 Signs you are falling in Love!

[Click on snap to get full screen image]

JEALOUSY