Monday, August 11, 2008

Four Management Lessons

Lesson Number One

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit
saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing
all day long?"

The crow answered: "Sure, why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a
sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be
sitting very, very high up.

Lesson Number Two

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the
turkey, "but I haven't got the energy. "Well, why don't you nibble on
some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave
him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next
day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of
the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the
turkey out of the tree.

Management Lesson: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't
keep you there.

Lesson Number Three

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The
brain said, "I should be Boss because I control the whole body's
responses and functions."

The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get
him to where he wants to go." The hands said, "We should be the Boss
because we do all the work and earn all the money." And so it went on
and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the
asshole spoke up.

All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So
the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.
Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the
feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain
fevered. Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the
Boss, so the motion was passed.

All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and
passed out the shit!

Management Lesson: You don't need brains to be Boss, any asshole will do!

Lesson Number Four

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the
bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying
there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird
lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it
was. The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A
passing cat heard he bird singing and came to investigate. Following
the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and
promptly dug him out and ate him!

Management Lessons:

1. Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3. When you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut!

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