In a poor zoo of Pakistan, a lion was frustrated as he was offered not more than 2 kg of meat a day.
The lion thought its prayers were answered, when one day a Dubai Zoo Manager visited the zoo and requested the zoo management to shift the lion to Dubai Zoo.
The lion was so happy and started thinking of a central A/c environment, a goat or two every day.
On its first day after arrival, the lion was offered a big bag, sealed very nicely for breakfast. The lion opened it quickly but was shocked to see that it contained few bananas. The lion thought that may be they cared too much for him as they were worried about his stomach as he had recently shifted from Pakistan .
The next day the same thing happened. On the third day again the same food bag of bananas was delivered.
The lion was so furious; it stopped the delivery boy and blasted at him,' Don't you know I am the lion...king of the Jungle..., what's wrong with your management?, what nonsense is this?, why are you delivering bananas
to me?'
The delivery boy politely said, 'Sir, I know you are the king of the jungle. .. but.... you have been brought here on a monkey's visa !!! '
Moral of the Story....
BETTER TO BE A LION IN PAKISTAN ,
THAN A MONKEY ELSEWHERE.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Why men prefer dog over women
1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
2. Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
4. A dog’s parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. You never have to wait for a dog; they’re ready to go 24 hours a day.
7. Dogs find you amusing when you’re drunk.
8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, ‘If I died, would you get another dog?’
10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don’t get mad. They just think it’s interesting
.13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.And last, but not least:
14. If a dog leaves, it won’t take half of your stuff.
2. Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
4. A dog’s parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. You never have to wait for a dog; they’re ready to go 24 hours a day.
7. Dogs find you amusing when you’re drunk.
8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, ‘If I died, would you get another dog?’
10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don’t get mad. They just think it’s interesting
.13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.And last, but not least:
14. If a dog leaves, it won’t take half of your stuff.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Humanity does Exist
Two blind persons wanted to drink water at the RagiGudda temple, Bangalore . When they were unable to operate the tap, this mother monkey opened the tap for them, allowed them to drink water, drank some water herself and then closed the tap before leaving the scene.
Photo Courtesy:
www.prajavani.net
Photo Courtesy:www.prajavani.net
Monday, September 20, 2010
Down Memory lane - Middle class India of the 70's
1. Though you may not publicly own to this, at the age of 12-17 years, you were very proud of your first "Bellbottom" or your first first Apache jeans.
2. Phantom & Mandrake were your only true heroes. The brainy ones read "Competition Success Review".
3. Your "Camlin" geometry box & Natraj/Flora pencil was your prized possession.
4. The only "Holidays" you took were to go to your grandparents' or your cousins' houses.
5. Ice-cream meant only - either an orange stick, a vanilla stick – or a Choco Bar if you were better off than most.
6. You gave your neighbour’s phone number to others with a ‘c/o’ written against it because you had booked yours only 7 years ago and were still waiting for your number to come.
7. Your first family car (and the only one) was a Fiat or an Ambassador. This often had to be pushed by the entire family to get going.
8. The glass windows in the back seats used to get stuck at the two-thirds down level and used to irk the shit out of you! The window went down only if your puny arm could manage the tacky rotary handle to pull it down. Locking the door was easy. You just whacked the other tacky, non-rotary handle downwards.
9. Your mom had stitched the weirdest lace curtains for all the windows of the car. They were tied in the middle and if your dad was the comfort-oriented kinds, you had a magnificent small fan upfront.
10. Your parents were proud owners of HMT watches. You "earned" yours after SSC exams.
11. You have been to "Jumbo Circus"; have held your breath while the pretty young thing in the glittery skirt did acrobatics, quite enjoyed the elephants hitting football, the motorcyclist vrooming in the "Mautka Gola"
and it was politically okay to laugh your guts out at dwarfs hitting each others bottoms!
12. You have atleast once heard "Hawa Mahal" on the radio.
13. If you had a TV, it was normal to expect the neighborhood to gather around to watch the Chitrahaar or the Sunday movie. If you didn't have a TV, you just went to a house that did. It mattered little if you knew the owners or not.
14. Sometimes the owners of these TVs got very creative and got a bi or even a tri-coloured anti-glare screen which they attached with two side clips onto their Weston TVs. That confused the hell out of you!
15. Black & White TVs weren't so bad after all because cricket was played in whites.
16. You thought your Dad rocked because you got your own (the family's; not your own own!) colour TV when the Asian Games started. Everyone else got the same idea as well and ever since, no one came over to your house and you didn't go to anyone else's.
17. You dreaded the death of any political leader because of the mourning they would announce on the TV. After all how much "Shashtriya Sangeet" can a kid take? Salma Sultana also didn't smile during the mourning.
18. You knew that "Indira Gandhi" was somebody really powerful and terribly important. And that's all you needed to know.
19. The only "Gadgets" in the house were the TV, the Fridge and possibly a mixer.
20. All the gadgets had to be duly covered with a crochet covers and sometimes even with ingenious, custom-fit plastic covers.
21. Movies meant Rajesh Khanna or Amitabh Bachchan. Before the start of the movie you always had to watch the obligatory "Newsreel".
22. You thought you were so rocking because you knew almost all the songs of Abba and Boney M.
23. Your hormones went crazy when you heard "Disco Deewane" by Naziya Hassan & Zoheb Hassan.
24. School teachers, your parents and even your neighbours could whack you and it was all okay.
25. Photograph taking was a big thing. You were lucky if your family owned a camera. A reel of 36 exposures was valuable hence it justified the half hour preparation & "setting" & the "posing" for each picture.
Therefore, you have atleast one family picture where everyone is holding their breath and standing at attention!
2. Phantom & Mandrake were your only true heroes. The brainy ones read "Competition Success Review".
3. Your "Camlin" geometry box & Natraj/Flora pencil was your prized possession.
4. The only "Holidays" you took were to go to your grandparents' or your cousins' houses.
5. Ice-cream meant only - either an orange stick, a vanilla stick – or a Choco Bar if you were better off than most.
6. You gave your neighbour’s phone number to others with a ‘c/o’ written against it because you had booked yours only 7 years ago and were still waiting for your number to come.
7. Your first family car (and the only one) was a Fiat or an Ambassador. This often had to be pushed by the entire family to get going.
8. The glass windows in the back seats used to get stuck at the two-thirds down level and used to irk the shit out of you! The window went down only if your puny arm could manage the tacky rotary handle to pull it down. Locking the door was easy. You just whacked the other tacky, non-rotary handle downwards.
9. Your mom had stitched the weirdest lace curtains for all the windows of the car. They were tied in the middle and if your dad was the comfort-oriented kinds, you had a magnificent small fan upfront.
10. Your parents were proud owners of HMT watches. You "earned" yours after SSC exams.
11. You have been to "Jumbo Circus"; have held your breath while the pretty young thing in the glittery skirt did acrobatics, quite enjoyed the elephants hitting football, the motorcyclist vrooming in the "Mautka Gola"
and it was politically okay to laugh your guts out at dwarfs hitting each others bottoms!
12. You have atleast once heard "Hawa Mahal" on the radio.
13. If you had a TV, it was normal to expect the neighborhood to gather around to watch the Chitrahaar or the Sunday movie. If you didn't have a TV, you just went to a house that did. It mattered little if you knew the owners or not.
14. Sometimes the owners of these TVs got very creative and got a bi or even a tri-coloured anti-glare screen which they attached with two side clips onto their Weston TVs. That confused the hell out of you!
15. Black & White TVs weren't so bad after all because cricket was played in whites.
16. You thought your Dad rocked because you got your own (the family's; not your own own!) colour TV when the Asian Games started. Everyone else got the same idea as well and ever since, no one came over to your house and you didn't go to anyone else's.
17. You dreaded the death of any political leader because of the mourning they would announce on the TV. After all how much "Shashtriya Sangeet" can a kid take? Salma Sultana also didn't smile during the mourning.
18. You knew that "Indira Gandhi" was somebody really powerful and terribly important. And that's all you needed to know.
19. The only "Gadgets" in the house were the TV, the Fridge and possibly a mixer.
20. All the gadgets had to be duly covered with a crochet covers and sometimes even with ingenious, custom-fit plastic covers.
21. Movies meant Rajesh Khanna or Amitabh Bachchan. Before the start of the movie you always had to watch the obligatory "Newsreel".
22. You thought you were so rocking because you knew almost all the songs of Abba and Boney M.
23. Your hormones went crazy when you heard "Disco Deewane" by Naziya Hassan & Zoheb Hassan.
24. School teachers, your parents and even your neighbours could whack you and it was all okay.
25. Photograph taking was a big thing. You were lucky if your family owned a camera. A reel of 36 exposures was valuable hence it justified the half hour preparation & "setting" & the "posing" for each picture.
Therefore, you have atleast one family picture where everyone is holding their breath and standing at attention!
Wine is Bottled POETRY.
I never take risk while drinking.
.
.
When I come from office in the evening, wife is cooking
I can hear the noise of utensils in the kitchen
I stealthily enter the house
Take out the bottle from my black cupboard
Gandhiji is looking at me from the photo frame
But still no one is aware of it
Becoz I never take a risk
.
.
.
I take out the glass from the rack above the old sink
Quickly enjoy one peg
Wash the glass and again keep it on the rack
Of course I also keep the bottle inside my cupboard
Gandhijiis giving a smile
.
.
I peep into the kitchen
Wife is cutting potatoes
No one is aware of what I did
Becoz I never take a risk
.
.
.
I to my wife : Any news on chopra's daughter's marriage
Wife : Nope, she doesn't seem to be that lucky. Still they are looking
out for her .
.
.
.
I again come out; there is a small noise of the black cupboard
But I don't make any sound while taking out the bottle
I take out the glass from the old rack above sink
Quickly enjoy one peg
.
.
.
Wash the bottle and keep it in the sink
Also keep the Black Glass in the cupboard
But still no one is aware of what I did
Becoz I never take a risk
.
.
.
I to Wife : But still I think chopra's daughter's age is not that much
Wife: What are you saying? She is 28 yrs old... like an aged horse
I: (I forgot her age is 28) Oh Oh...
.
.
.
I again take out potatoes out from my black cupboard
But the cupboard's place has automatically changed
I take out the bottle from the rack and quickly enjoy one peg in the
sink .
.
.
.
Gandhiji laughs loudly
I keep the rack in the potatoes & wash photo & keep it
in the black cupboard .
.
.
.
Wife is keeping the sink on the stove
But still no one is aware of what I did
Becoz I never take a risk
.
.
.
I to Wife: (getting angry) you call Mr. chopra a horse? If you say that again, I willcut your tongue...!
Wife: Don't just blabber something, go out and sit quietly...
.
.
.
I take out the bottle from the potatoes
Go in the black cupboard and enjoy a peg
Wash the sink and keep it over the rack
Wife is giving a smile
.
.
.
Gandhiji is still cooking
But still no one is aware of what I did
Becoz I never take a risk
.
.
.
I to Wife : (laughing) So chopra is marrying a horse!!
Wife: Hey go and sprinkle some water on your face...
.
.
.
I again go to the kitchen, and quietly sit on the rack
Stove is also on the rack
There is a small noise of bottles from the room outside .
.
.
.
I peep and see that wife is enjoying a peg in the sink
But none of the horses are aware of what I did
Becoz Gandhiji never takes a risk .
.
.
.
Chopra is still cooking
And I am looking at my wife from the photo and laughing
Becoz I never take...... never take ..... never take what???
I never take a potato I think...
Khudos..! Drinkers..!
Wine is Bottled POETRY..
.
.
When I come from office in the evening, wife is cooking
I can hear the noise of utensils in the kitchen
I stealthily enter the house
Take out the bottle from my black cupboard
Gandhiji is looking at me from the photo frame
But still no one is aware of it
Becoz I never take a risk
.
.
.
I take out the glass from the rack above the old sink
Quickly enjoy one peg
Wash the glass and again keep it on the rack
Of course I also keep the bottle inside my cupboard
Gandhijiis giving a smile
.
.
I peep into the kitchen
Wife is cutting potatoes
No one is aware of what I did
Becoz I never take a risk
.
.
.
I to my wife : Any news on chopra's daughter's marriage
Wife : Nope, she doesn't seem to be that lucky. Still they are looking
out for her .
.
.
.
I again come out; there is a small noise of the black cupboard
But I don't make any sound while taking out the bottle
I take out the glass from the old rack above sink
Quickly enjoy one peg
.
.
.
Wash the bottle and keep it in the sink
Also keep the Black Glass in the cupboard
But still no one is aware of what I did
Becoz I never take a risk
.
.
.
I to Wife : But still I think chopra's daughter's age is not that much
Wife: What are you saying? She is 28 yrs old... like an aged horse
I: (I forgot her age is 28) Oh Oh...
.
.
.
I again take out potatoes out from my black cupboard
But the cupboard's place has automatically changed
I take out the bottle from the rack and quickly enjoy one peg in the
sink .
.
.
.
Gandhiji laughs loudly
I keep the rack in the potatoes & wash photo & keep it
in the black cupboard .
.
.
.
Wife is keeping the sink on the stove
But still no one is aware of what I did
Becoz I never take a risk
.
.
.
I to Wife: (getting angry) you call Mr. chopra a horse? If you say that again, I willcut your tongue...!
Wife: Don't just blabber something, go out and sit quietly...
.
.
.
I take out the bottle from the potatoes
Go in the black cupboard and enjoy a peg
Wash the sink and keep it over the rack
Wife is giving a smile
.
.
.
Gandhiji is still cooking
But still no one is aware of what I did
Becoz I never take a risk
.
.
.
I to Wife : (laughing) So chopra is marrying a horse!!
Wife: Hey go and sprinkle some water on your face...
.
.
.
I again go to the kitchen, and quietly sit on the rack
Stove is also on the rack
There is a small noise of bottles from the room outside .
.
.
.
I peep and see that wife is enjoying a peg in the sink
But none of the horses are aware of what I did
Becoz Gandhiji never takes a risk .
.
.
.
Chopra is still cooking
And I am looking at my wife from the photo and laughing
Becoz I never take...... never take ..... never take what???
I never take a potato I think...
Khudos..! Drinkers..!
Wine is Bottled POETRY..
The 99 Club
Once upon a time, there lived a King who, despite his luxurious lifestyle, was neither happy nor content.
One day, the King came upon a servant who was singing happily while he worked. This fascinated the King; why was he, the Supreme Ruler of the Land, unhappy and gloomy, while a lowly servant had so much joy. The King asked the servant, "Why are you so happy?"
The man replied, "Your Majesty, I am nothing but a servant, but my family and I don't need too much - just a roof over our heads and warm food to fill our tummies."
The king was not satisfied with that reply. Later in the day, he sought the advice of his most trusted advisor. After hearing the King's woes and the servant's story, the advisor said, "Your Majesty, I believe that the servant has not been made part of The 99 Club."
"The 99 Club? And what exactly is that?" the King inquired.
The advisor replied, "Your Majesty, to truly know what The 99 Club is, place 99 Gold coins in a bag and leave it at this servant's doorstep."
When the servant saw the bag, he took it into his house. When he opened the bag, he let out a great shout of joy... so many gold coins!
He began to count them. After several counts, he was at last convinced that there were 99 coins. He wondered, "What could've happened to that last gold coin? Surely, no one would leave 99 coins!" He looked everywhere he could, but that final coin was elusive. Finally, exhausted, he decided that he was going to have to work harder than ever to earn that gold coin and complete
his collection.
From that day, the servant's life was changed. He was overworked, horribly grumpy, and castigated his family for not helping him make that 100th gold coin. He stopped singing while he worked.
Witnessing this drastic transformation, the King was puzzled. When he sought his advisor's help, the advisor said, "Your Majesty, the servant has now officially joined The 99 Club."
He continued, "The 99 Club is a name given to those people who have enough to be happy but are never content, because they're always yearning and striving for that extra 1 telling to themselves: "Let me get that one final thing and then I will be happy for life."
We can be happy, even with very little in our lives, but the minute we're given something bigger and better, we want even more! We lose our sleep, our happiness, we hurt the people around us; all these as a price for our growing needs and desires.
That's what joining The 99 Club is all about.
One day, the King came upon a servant who was singing happily while he worked. This fascinated the King; why was he, the Supreme Ruler of the Land, unhappy and gloomy, while a lowly servant had so much joy. The King asked the servant, "Why are you so happy?"
The man replied, "Your Majesty, I am nothing but a servant, but my family and I don't need too much - just a roof over our heads and warm food to fill our tummies."
The king was not satisfied with that reply. Later in the day, he sought the advice of his most trusted advisor. After hearing the King's woes and the servant's story, the advisor said, "Your Majesty, I believe that the servant has not been made part of The 99 Club."
"The 99 Club? And what exactly is that?" the King inquired.
The advisor replied, "Your Majesty, to truly know what The 99 Club is, place 99 Gold coins in a bag and leave it at this servant's doorstep."
When the servant saw the bag, he took it into his house. When he opened the bag, he let out a great shout of joy... so many gold coins!
He began to count them. After several counts, he was at last convinced that there were 99 coins. He wondered, "What could've happened to that last gold coin? Surely, no one would leave 99 coins!" He looked everywhere he could, but that final coin was elusive. Finally, exhausted, he decided that he was going to have to work harder than ever to earn that gold coin and complete
his collection.
From that day, the servant's life was changed. He was overworked, horribly grumpy, and castigated his family for not helping him make that 100th gold coin. He stopped singing while he worked.
Witnessing this drastic transformation, the King was puzzled. When he sought his advisor's help, the advisor said, "Your Majesty, the servant has now officially joined The 99 Club."
He continued, "The 99 Club is a name given to those people who have enough to be happy but are never content, because they're always yearning and striving for that extra 1 telling to themselves: "Let me get that one final thing and then I will be happy for life."
We can be happy, even with very little in our lives, but the minute we're given something bigger and better, we want even more! We lose our sleep, our happiness, we hurt the people around us; all these as a price for our growing needs and desires.
That's what joining The 99 Club is all about.
Financial Management
A beggar to another beggar: I had a grand dinner at Taj yesterday.
How? The other beggar asked.
First begger : Some one gave me a Rs 100/- note yesterday.
I went to Taj and ordered dinner worth Rs 1,000/-, and enjoyed the dinner. When the bill came, I said, I had no money. The Taj manager called the police man, and handed me over to him. I gave the Rs 100/- note to the police fellow, and he set me free.
A wonderful example of financial management indeed
How? The other beggar asked.
First begger : Some one gave me a Rs 100/- note yesterday.
I went to Taj and ordered dinner worth Rs 1,000/-, and enjoyed the dinner. When the bill came, I said, I had no money. The Taj manager called the police man, and handed me over to him. I gave the Rs 100/- note to the police fellow, and he set me free.
A wonderful example of financial management indeed
Saturday, September 18, 2010
A Tip from IIM
A story told by an IIM professor regarding the side effects of non-systematic working :-
After completion of Lanka War Hanumanji was enjoying LTA with his friends. He got an email on his laptop from Accounts requesting him to clear his dues before 31st March - dues related to his tour for bring Sanjivani Booti for Laxmanji. He ignored the first mail. But after 3 - 4 reminders in two days time & receiving a call on CUG Mobile from Accounts Dept., he had to fly to Ayodhya canceling his leave.
He submitted - TA, DA Bill, Bills of Sushen Vaidya, Hospital Charges incurred for Bharatji when met with an accident during his travel, Cost of Sanjeevani Booti for Laxmanji, (Transport charges)
(1) Where is your tour sanction report ? Asked the HR & ADMIN Dept. Hanumanji got it done sting to concerned officials 2 or 3 times.
(2) Hanumanji claimed T.A. bill for air travel - but he as given only second class sleeper charges. And all other expenses on medical, Sanjeevani Booti, expenses on Sushen Vaidya were not reimbursed.
When he asked for the reasons, he was told that:
(a) As per his designation, he is entitled for IInd class sleeper only.
(b) He cannot get claim for other things as he does not have bills.
Hanumanji approached Shri Rama and explained him about the deduction on his tour expense report : Ramji ordered the related official to pay for Air travel & other charges as claimed by Hanumanji. The officer came with the rule book & told Shri Ramji "These rules were created by grand father of Dasharathji, If you want to overrule your forefathers I don't have any problem."
Ramji became speechless. So he thought for another way to compensate Hanuman. He called Hanumanji & gave him the claimed amount in cash, But how can Hanumanji take cash money from Ramji ?
Hanumanji said "How can I take money from you for treating Laxmanji? Laxmanji is equally reverend to me as you are." Later in his heart of hearts Hanumanji thought "Why he listened to accounts fellow, cut short his LTA, completed all the formalities & put Shriram in such an awkward position where he has to offer money to me!!!"
Hanumanji continued his work with the same attachment as he used to after this incidence also.
Hanumanji was a God, but for us, mortals, learnt a different lesson & that was
"NOT to do anything without proper sanctions FROM HR & IMMEDIATE BOSS : Whatever may be the urgency or importance of the job"
Thursday, September 02, 2010
One Line Proposals, even shorter Rejections
1. I wish I was one of your tears, so I could be born in your eye, run down your cheek, and die on your lips.
Reply : I don't mind where you die.. as long as you do!
2. Did you know they changed the alphabet? They put U and I together.
Reply : So, how many times did you fail kinder garten?
3. Are your legs tired? Because you been running through my mind ALL day long.
Reply : Yes, they are. I've been running away from you!
4. Are you lost? Because it's so strange to see an angel so far from heaven.
Reply : How many times have you been to heaven, anyway?
5. Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I have to walk by you again?
Reply : Yeah.. why don't you walk by and just keep walking!
6. What's that in your eye? Oh...it's a sparkle.
Reply : What are you on? Crack or cocaine?
7. Do you have a map? I just got lost in your eyes.
Reply : (too corny.. maybe a disgusted look would be enough)
8. You can forget about going to heaven because it's sin to look that good.
Reply : You can be sure of going to hell.. your stupidity will assure you of a place!
9. If I had eleven roses and you, I'd have a dozen.
Reply : So, that's your problem.. simple mathematics otherwise!
Reply : I don't mind where you die.. as long as you do!
2. Did you know they changed the alphabet? They put U and I together.
Reply : So, how many times did you fail kinder garten?
3. Are your legs tired? Because you been running through my mind ALL day long.
Reply : Yes, they are. I've been running away from you!
4. Are you lost? Because it's so strange to see an angel so far from heaven.
Reply : How many times have you been to heaven, anyway?
5. Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I have to walk by you again?
Reply : Yeah.. why don't you walk by and just keep walking!
6. What's that in your eye? Oh...it's a sparkle.
Reply : What are you on? Crack or cocaine?
7. Do you have a map? I just got lost in your eyes.
Reply : (too corny.. maybe a disgusted look would be enough)
8. You can forget about going to heaven because it's sin to look that good.
Reply : You can be sure of going to hell.. your stupidity will assure you of a place!
9. If I had eleven roses and you, I'd have a dozen.
Reply : So, that's your problem.. simple mathematics otherwise!
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Party Crashers
It was at a party and the host was getting worried because there were too many people and not enough refreshments.
She was sure that not all of these people had been invited but didn't know how to tell which ones were the crashers. Then her husband got an idea....
He turned to the crowd of guests and said "Will those who are from the brides side of the family stand up please?" about twenty people stood.
Then he asked " Will those who are from the groom side of the family stand up as well?" about twenty five people stood up.
Then He smiled and said
-
-
-
"Will all those who stood please leave, This is a birthday party".
Moral: Capture a bit of info about the thing you are going to do.
She was sure that not all of these people had been invited but didn't know how to tell which ones were the crashers. Then her husband got an idea....
He turned to the crowd of guests and said "Will those who are from the brides side of the family stand up please?" about twenty people stood.
Then he asked " Will those who are from the groom side of the family stand up as well?" about twenty five people stood up.
Then He smiled and said
-
-
-
"Will all those who stood please leave, This is a birthday party".
Moral: Capture a bit of info about the thing you are going to do.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
All the World Famous Men/Women in One Single Photograph
YOU ARE AN ENCYCLOPEDIA, ONCE YOU GET THE ANSWER!
How many can you identify?
Stages of an Orkut Account
Pappu (real name "Nilesh") opens an Orkut account.
Stage 1:
Pappu is called as "Pappu" and is 16 years old, have just cleared 10th standard exam. He opens an Orkut account.
About Me: Some "sher" explaining friendship and love.
Profile picture: Hritik or Shahid's photo
Album: Katrina, Ayesha Takia, Amrita Raos photos, Pics of Shah Rukh Khans home
Scraps: More "sher"s explaining all the philosophy in the world and claiming that Friendship and Love are the most important things in life.
Friends: Invitation sent to each and everyone on Orkut.
Communities: 10th standard batch community, Some brazilian community, Tendulkar / Federer fan community, Sunsign / Moonsign community
Testimonial: Messages like "hoz u" / "wch col" / "hi !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ... u thr ..... tc" will be in the testimonials.
_______________________
Stage 2:
Pappu has completed his bachelors. He is now called as Nilesh by everyone. He has got a job in a good company.
About Me: Only in this stage about me is really "About me". Its full of what Nilesh likes, what he doesnt like, what he does in his spare time etc etc.
Profile pic: Nilesh wearing goggle on some fort / tourist spot.
Album: Nilesh and gang visiting each and every Multiplex / Fort / Water Fall in 100 km radius on bike.
Scraps: Mainly this scrap from Girls "Do I know you ?"
Friends: All the school, college batch mates, all the girls who are open to accept friend requests
Communities: "Name Beginning with", "Surname beginning with", Company community, College community
Testimonial: Testimonial claiming how is he the "GD" of at least three guys and how average he is and how he could be a good BF.
_______________________
Stage 3:
Nilesh has now 5 years of work exp. He has been "onsite" once. His hair line is receding. And his parents are now "actively" looking for a girl for him.
About Me: A very formal about me. Telling everyone where he works and his age and his hobbies.
Profile pic: Nilesh in formals attending some cousins wedding / In front of some famous building in US
Album: Full of Onsite pics. This includes pics of the famous buildings, roads in US, bikes and cars in US, US hotel room photos
Scraps: Mainly scraps from girls looking for a good husband. Occasional scraps from school / college batch mates who are planning re union (which never happens)
Friends: Very few additions to the friend list. Mainly people from the company.
Communities: Community for his caste / sub caste
Testimonial: No new testimonials.
_______________________
Stage 4 :
Nilesh is now married for 2 months.
About Me: No about me.
Profile pic: Nilesh and his wife on honeymoon. Holding each other on some hill top.
Album: Full of Marriage and Honeymoon pics. In all the pics the couple is standing extremely close to each other. Very rarely anything other than the couple is seen in the pics.
Scraps: Scrap by almost everyone in the friend list congratulating on his marriage.
Friends: Additions to the friend list are people from his wifes family. Typically a "Saali" or "Saala".
Communities: No addition to the communities.
Testimonial: "Saali" writes testimonial for her "Jiju".
_______________________
Stage 5:
Nilesh is now married for 2 years.
About Me: Some management / Philosophical/ "Self Help" type of funda.
Profile pic: The marriage pic.
Album: School and college farewell party, pics with the friends from first company when Nilesh’s waist was 28 (Now its 34 threatening to reach 36)
Scraps: Thank you scraps for the B'day wishes Nilesh has sent.
Friends: No additions to the friend list.
Communities: No addition to the communities.
Testimonial: No testimonials.
_______________________
Stage 6:
Nilesh and his wife now have a baby.
About Me: Nothing.
Profile pic: Kids photo
Album: Only the kids snaps.
Scraps: "Congratulations for the Gods gift" type of scraps.
Friends: No additions.
Communities: No addition to the communities.
Testimonial: No testimonials.
And after this everything is about the Kid and Wife and Nilesh is not living for himself but he is living for his parents / wife / kids. Nowadays Nilesh spends more time on "LinkedIn" than on Orkut :)
Stage 1:
Pappu is called as "Pappu" and is 16 years old, have just cleared 10th standard exam. He opens an Orkut account.
About Me: Some "sher" explaining friendship and love.
Profile picture: Hritik or Shahid's photo
Album: Katrina, Ayesha Takia, Amrita Raos photos, Pics of Shah Rukh Khans home
Scraps: More "sher"s explaining all the philosophy in the world and claiming that Friendship and Love are the most important things in life.
Friends: Invitation sent to each and everyone on Orkut.
Communities: 10th standard batch community, Some brazilian community, Tendulkar / Federer fan community, Sunsign / Moonsign community
Testimonial: Messages like "hoz u" / "wch col" / "hi !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ... u thr ..... tc" will be in the testimonials.
_______________________
Stage 2:
Pappu has completed his bachelors. He is now called as Nilesh by everyone. He has got a job in a good company.
About Me: Only in this stage about me is really "About me". Its full of what Nilesh likes, what he doesnt like, what he does in his spare time etc etc.
Profile pic: Nilesh wearing goggle on some fort / tourist spot.
Album: Nilesh and gang visiting each and every Multiplex / Fort / Water Fall in 100 km radius on bike.
Scraps: Mainly this scrap from Girls "Do I know you ?"
Friends: All the school, college batch mates, all the girls who are open to accept friend requests
Communities: "Name Beginning with", "Surname beginning with", Company community, College community
Testimonial: Testimonial claiming how is he the "GD" of at least three guys and how average he is and how he could be a good BF.
_______________________
Stage 3:
Nilesh has now 5 years of work exp. He has been "onsite" once. His hair line is receding. And his parents are now "actively" looking for a girl for him.
About Me: A very formal about me. Telling everyone where he works and his age and his hobbies.
Profile pic: Nilesh in formals attending some cousins wedding / In front of some famous building in US
Album: Full of Onsite pics. This includes pics of the famous buildings, roads in US, bikes and cars in US, US hotel room photos
Scraps: Mainly scraps from girls looking for a good husband. Occasional scraps from school / college batch mates who are planning re union (which never happens)
Friends: Very few additions to the friend list. Mainly people from the company.
Communities: Community for his caste / sub caste
Testimonial: No new testimonials.
_______________________
Stage 4 :
Nilesh is now married for 2 months.
About Me: No about me.
Profile pic: Nilesh and his wife on honeymoon. Holding each other on some hill top.
Album: Full of Marriage and Honeymoon pics. In all the pics the couple is standing extremely close to each other. Very rarely anything other than the couple is seen in the pics.
Scraps: Scrap by almost everyone in the friend list congratulating on his marriage.
Friends: Additions to the friend list are people from his wifes family. Typically a "Saali" or "Saala".
Communities: No addition to the communities.
Testimonial: "Saali" writes testimonial for her "Jiju".
_______________________
Stage 5:
Nilesh is now married for 2 years.
About Me: Some management / Philosophical/ "Self Help" type of funda.
Profile pic: The marriage pic.
Album: School and college farewell party, pics with the friends from first company when Nilesh’s waist was 28 (Now its 34 threatening to reach 36)
Scraps: Thank you scraps for the B'day wishes Nilesh has sent.
Friends: No additions to the friend list.
Communities: No addition to the communities.
Testimonial: No testimonials.
_______________________
Stage 6:
Nilesh and his wife now have a baby.
About Me: Nothing.
Profile pic: Kids photo
Album: Only the kids snaps.
Scraps: "Congratulations for the Gods gift" type of scraps.
Friends: No additions.
Communities: No addition to the communities.
Testimonial: No testimonials.
And after this everything is about the Kid and Wife and Nilesh is not living for himself but he is living for his parents / wife / kids. Nowadays Nilesh spends more time on "LinkedIn" than on Orkut :)
Time for some male bashing.....
Time for some male bashing..... (For a change)...
Q: What is the difference between men and puppies?
A: Puppies grow up.
Q: Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?
A: Because they are...
Q: What do men have in common with ceramic tiles?
A: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever.
Q: If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which one would hit The ground first?
A: Who cares?????.. ...
Q: What did God say after he created man?
A: I can do better than this! And then he created woman!
Q: What's the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO?
A: I don't know, I've never seen either.
Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
A: i) no mind ii) no business
Q: What is the difference between men and pigs?
A: Pigs don't turn into men when they drink...
Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles they have no Intention of driving.
Q: What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift?
A: Exchange him!!
Q: Why do men like smart women?
A: Opposites attract.
Q: What is the difference between men and puppies?
A: Puppies grow up.
Q: Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?
A: Because they are...
Q: What do men have in common with ceramic tiles?
A: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever.
Q: If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which one would hit The ground first?
A: Who cares?????.. ...
Q: What did God say after he created man?
A: I can do better than this! And then he created woman!
Q: What's the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO?
A: I don't know, I've never seen either.
Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
A: i) no mind ii) no business
Q: What is the difference between men and pigs?
A: Pigs don't turn into men when they drink...
Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles they have no Intention of driving.
Q: What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift?
A: Exchange him!!
Q: Why do men like smart women?
A: Opposites attract.
Impact of job change
A taxi passenger (Sivadasan) tapped the driver (Cyril) on the shoulder to ask him a question.
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, and then the driver said:
"Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would
scare you so much."
The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a van carrying dead Bodies for the last 25 years.......u can imagine what went into my mind when u touched my back!!
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, and then the driver said:
"Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would
scare you so much."
The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a van carrying dead Bodies for the last 25 years.......u can imagine what went into my mind when u touched my back!!
See the difference
There was a good old barber in Bangalore . One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies:
I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service.
Florist is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a "Thank You" Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.
A Confectioner goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber he again refuses to take the money. The Confectioner is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is another "Thank you" Card and a dozen Cakes waiting at his door.
A Software Engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber again refuses the money saying that it was a community service.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there......
...
...
...
...
...
...
A Dozen Software engineers waiting for a free haircut... with Printouts of Forwarded mail mentioning about free hair cut with the google map showing the shop
I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service.
Florist is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a "Thank You" Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.
A Confectioner goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber he again refuses to take the money. The Confectioner is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is another "Thank you" Card and a dozen Cakes waiting at his door.
A Software Engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber again refuses the money saying that it was a community service.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there......
...
...
...
...
...
...
A Dozen Software engineers waiting for a free haircut... with Printouts of Forwarded mail mentioning about free hair cut with the google map showing the shop
Happy Married Life - THE HAPPY COUPLE
Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary. They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years. Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known 'happy going marriage'.
Editor: "Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible?"
Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said: "We had been to Simla for honeymoon after marriage. Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on different horses. My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one.
On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over. Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said "This is your first time". She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again. This time she again kept calm and said "This is your second time" and continued. When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead!!
I shouted at my wife: "What did you do you psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?"
She gave a silent look and said: "This is your first time!!!"
Husband: "That's it.. We are happy ever after."
Editor: "Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible?"
Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said: "We had been to Simla for honeymoon after marriage. Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on different horses. My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one.
On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over. Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said "This is your first time". She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again. This time she again kept calm and said "This is your second time" and continued. When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead!!
I shouted at my wife: "What did you do you psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?"
She gave a silent look and said: "This is your first time!!!"
Husband: "That's it.. We are happy ever after."
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Saturday, August 07, 2010
iThis
Got my son an iPhone for his birthday the other week,
and recently got my daughter an iPod for hers,
and was very pleased when the family clubbed
together and bought me an iPad for Father’s day.
Got my wife an iRon for her birthday,
then the fight started......
and recently got my daughter an iPod for hers,
and was very pleased when the family clubbed
together and bought me an iPad for Father’s day.
Got my wife an iRon for her birthday,
then the fight started......
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
12 Muslims fined for Malaysia Hindu temple protest
A Malaysian court Tuesday fined 12 Muslims and sentenced one of them to a week in prison for illegally protesting the construction of a Hindu temple and parading a severed cow's head.
The protest last August stoked tensions among Malaysia's three main ethnic groups the Malay Muslim majority and Chinese and Indian minorities, most of them Buddhists, Christians or Hindus who have complained that their religious rights are often sidelined in favor of Islam.
The 12 men were among scores of Muslims who marched with a bloodied cow's head from a mosque to the central Selangor state chief minister's office on Aug. 28, 2009 to denounce the state government's plan to build a Hindu temple in their largely Muslim neighborhood.
Some of the protesters also stomped and spat on the head and made fiery speeches that deeply offended Hindus. The cow is the most sacred animal In Hinduism.
All 12 pleaded guilty in a Selangor district court Tuesday to a charge of illegal assembly and were fined 1,000 ringgit ($320) each, said defense lawyer Afifuddin Hafifi. They faced up to a year in prison and a fine for the charge.
Two of them who brought and stepped on the cow's head also pleaded guilty to sedition. Both were fined an additional 3,000 ringgit ($960), and one was sentenced to a week in prison, Afifuddin said.
Sedition, defined as promoting hostility between races, is punishable by up to three years in prison and a fine.
The conflict highlighted frustrations among minorities about strict government guidelines that restrict the number of non-Muslim places of worship, partly based on whether enough non-Muslims live where a church or temple is to be built.
Authorities in Selangor eventually found a new site to build the controversial temple.
The protest was among the most high-profile in a string of interfaith disputes in recent years that threatened decades of harmonious ties between Malays, who comprise nearly two-thirds of Malaysia's 28 million people, and ethnic minorities.
Early this year, a string of firebomb attacks and vandalism hit mostly non-Muslim places of worship following a court verdict that allowed Christians to use “Allah'' in Malay-language publications.
Some Muslim Malaysians insist the non-Muslim use of ``Allah'' would confuse Muslims and tempt them into converting. Minorities say this is an example of institutionalized religious discrimination, but the government denies any bias.
The protest last August stoked tensions among Malaysia's three main ethnic groups the Malay Muslim majority and Chinese and Indian minorities, most of them Buddhists, Christians or Hindus who have complained that their religious rights are often sidelined in favor of Islam.
The 12 men were among scores of Muslims who marched with a bloodied cow's head from a mosque to the central Selangor state chief minister's office on Aug. 28, 2009 to denounce the state government's plan to build a Hindu temple in their largely Muslim neighborhood.
Some of the protesters also stomped and spat on the head and made fiery speeches that deeply offended Hindus. The cow is the most sacred animal In Hinduism.
All 12 pleaded guilty in a Selangor district court Tuesday to a charge of illegal assembly and were fined 1,000 ringgit ($320) each, said defense lawyer Afifuddin Hafifi. They faced up to a year in prison and a fine for the charge.
Two of them who brought and stepped on the cow's head also pleaded guilty to sedition. Both were fined an additional 3,000 ringgit ($960), and one was sentenced to a week in prison, Afifuddin said.
Sedition, defined as promoting hostility between races, is punishable by up to three years in prison and a fine.
The conflict highlighted frustrations among minorities about strict government guidelines that restrict the number of non-Muslim places of worship, partly based on whether enough non-Muslims live where a church or temple is to be built.
Authorities in Selangor eventually found a new site to build the controversial temple.
The protest was among the most high-profile in a string of interfaith disputes in recent years that threatened decades of harmonious ties between Malays, who comprise nearly two-thirds of Malaysia's 28 million people, and ethnic minorities.
Early this year, a string of firebomb attacks and vandalism hit mostly non-Muslim places of worship following a court verdict that allowed Christians to use “Allah'' in Malay-language publications.
Some Muslim Malaysians insist the non-Muslim use of ``Allah'' would confuse Muslims and tempt them into converting. Minorities say this is an example of institutionalized religious discrimination, but the government denies any bias.
Allahabad women go to the gym, in a burqa
It is all about being fit and this universally appealing statement has now inspired some of the Burqa clad women in Allahabad to get into shape. Their trainers are men but that doesn't deter them. Amazingly, the Imam in their area is all for it.
"We follow our religion, we keep our 'purdah' when we do our workout. Our family doesn't have a problem. I would say more girls should join us," said Saifee Parveen, one of the gym-goers.
Many others like Parveen come to Sehat Gym in Allahabad's Kareli Mohalla every morning and evening.Their families too are extending their full support.
"There are people who say that Muslim women should not come forward. We don't think so as they should come forward through education, or in sports, then parents and brothers should only encourage them," said a Aabid, Perveen's brother.
Imam Sayyed Zaffar Zaidi said," No one should have an objection to it. Islam does not stop this. If someone goes to the gym in purdah, it's alright. If it is for improving one's health, Islam allows it."
Read more at: http://www.ndtv.com/article/cities/these-allahabad-women-go-to-the-gym-in-a-burqa-39728?cp
"We follow our religion, we keep our 'purdah' when we do our workout. Our family doesn't have a problem. I would say more girls should join us," said Saifee Parveen, one of the gym-goers.
Many others like Parveen come to Sehat Gym in Allahabad's Kareli Mohalla every morning and evening.Their families too are extending their full support.
"There are people who say that Muslim women should not come forward. We don't think so as they should come forward through education, or in sports, then parents and brothers should only encourage them," said a Aabid, Perveen's brother.
Imam Sayyed Zaffar Zaidi said," No one should have an objection to it. Islam does not stop this. If someone goes to the gym in purdah, it's alright. If it is for improving one's health, Islam allows it."
Read more at: http://www.ndtv.com/article/cities/these-allahabad-women-go-to-the-gym-in-a-burqa-39728?cp
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Success Story
Four friends meet at a party. One of them had to go to restroom after drinks. The remaining three started taking about their kids.
1st man : My son started working in a company . Now he is the President of the company and he became so rich that he gifted a brand new Mercedes to his best friend for his birthday.
2nd man : My son started working in a big airline and then became a partner in the company . He is now so rich that he gave a new jet to his best friend .
3rd man : My son became an engineer and is a billionaire now . he gave a 30,000 sq. ft . large mansion to his best friend .
Just then the forth man returns from the restroom and asked : what r u guys discussing . one of them replied : We are talking about the success of our sons . what is your son doing .
4th man said : My son is a gay and makes a living by dancing as a stripper at the nightclub.
The 3 friends said : What a shame….
4th man said : I am not ashamed of him and he hasn’t done too bad for himself . It was his birthday a week back and he received a Mercedes , a jet and a 30,000 sq. ft . large mansion from his 3 boyfriends
1st man : My son started working in a company . Now he is the President of the company and he became so rich that he gifted a brand new Mercedes to his best friend for his birthday.
2nd man : My son started working in a big airline and then became a partner in the company . He is now so rich that he gave a new jet to his best friend .
3rd man : My son became an engineer and is a billionaire now . he gave a 30,000 sq. ft . large mansion to his best friend .
Just then the forth man returns from the restroom and asked : what r u guys discussing . one of them replied : We are talking about the success of our sons . what is your son doing .
4th man said : My son is a gay and makes a living by dancing as a stripper at the nightclub.
The 3 friends said : What a shame….
4th man said : I am not ashamed of him and he hasn’t done too bad for himself . It was his birthday a week back and he received a Mercedes , a jet and a 30,000 sq. ft . large mansion from his 3 boyfriends
Friday, July 16, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
Exams are like wife :
Exams are like wife :
1)Too many Questions.
2)Too difficult to understand.
3)More explanation is needed
4)Result is always unexpected..
1)Too many Questions.
2)Too difficult to understand.
3)More explanation is needed
4)Result is always unexpected..
Sunday, July 11, 2010
This is Dubai
Petrol is cheaper than water
Vaastas are more powerful than money
Getting license is more difficult than car
Building construction finishes in 3 months
Difficult to get a bed space for Bachelor
Bachelors are shifting builings every 1 year
Unqualified get more salary than the Qualified
Watchman has more Rights than Owner of Building
Peon has MORE INFLUENCE ON BOSS than the Manager
Cleaners have more vaaasta then officers
Dubai climate changes so fast, in one hour u can see it raining, u can see dust, u can experience heat and u can experience cold too,
If some one cant earn money in Dubai, he cant earn in any place in the world
In Dubai time passes very fast, Friday to Friday comes u never know, its so fast
Every bachelor has a dream of getting married and buying a house in India
Being at home is more painful than being at work
Labourers are paid less than what they can earn back in their country
Dubai is located in desert still you find greenery everywhere
Theatres are full with the nationals whenever there is a movie of Salman or Shahrukh
Dubai girls sing Hindi songs but don't understand anything
Food/Grocery is delivered right up to the car
A ladies hair salon every 5 meters
A Starbucks every 10 meters
Left lane of the highway is for slow drivers
Smashed cars more than bugs
Vaastas are more powerful than money
Getting license is more difficult than car
Building construction finishes in 3 months
Difficult to get a bed space for Bachelor
Bachelors are shifting builings every 1 year
Unqualified get more salary than the Qualified
Watchman has more Rights than Owner of Building
Peon has MORE INFLUENCE ON BOSS than the Manager
Cleaners have more vaaasta then officers
Dubai climate changes so fast, in one hour u can see it raining, u can see dust, u can experience heat and u can experience cold too,
If some one cant earn money in Dubai, he cant earn in any place in the world
In Dubai time passes very fast, Friday to Friday comes u never know, its so fast
Every bachelor has a dream of getting married and buying a house in India
Being at home is more painful than being at work
Labourers are paid less than what they can earn back in their country
Dubai is located in desert still you find greenery everywhere
Theatres are full with the nationals whenever there is a movie of Salman or Shahrukh
Dubai girls sing Hindi songs but don't understand anything
Food/Grocery is delivered right up to the car
A ladies hair salon every 5 meters
A Starbucks every 10 meters
Left lane of the highway is for slow drivers
Smashed cars more than bugs
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Ways To Achieve Unrealistically Realistic Success
“Realistic is the most commonly traveled road to mediocrity”
– Will Smith
– Will Smith
When a little boy says “I want to be an astronaut” – we smile at him and say, “Sure, honey, you can be anything you want to be!” When a twenty five year old man makes the same statement, we say, “Hey, be realistic!” Which basically means, “settle for something that brings you no satisfaction, just because you know you can get it”.
What happened in the 15 years that made a perfectly capable human-being turn into perfectly incapable grown-up, whose only choice in life is to get a degree in a highly- demanding field, find a regular job, work 30 + years and hopefully save enough money for retirement? It is as if in the course of our adulthood years instead of perfecting our skills, tripling our IQ, gaining valuable experience we are somehow getting dumber and less talented.
Common sense would suggest that if we could have accomplished everything we wanted at the age of 5, we are even more capable of doing it at the age of 25 or 50.
And since you and I are sensible people, let’s forget about the most depressing, demotivating, dream-killing cliché’s of our time to “be realistic” and go for something that we actually want and can accomplish!
Here are 9 ways to start achieving unrealistically realistic success:
1. Readjust your goals. Believe that success starts or is based on luck, intelligence, determination or some extraordinary talents. It starts with a big vision that is worth working for.
Take a look at your goal.
* Is it motivating?
* Is it inspiring?
* Is it the greatest goal ever?
If not, then perhaps you have made it too realistic. Psychological research shows that challenging goals lead to increased motivation and improved performance. It makes sense – the bigger the goal is, the more strongly we want to achieve it.
2. Think differently. If you do whatever everyone else is doing you will get the same results as everyone else is getting. Which is fine if this is what you want, but if you feel that you could do more/ be more/ achieve more, why settling for less? All of the greatest discoveries, multi-billion dollar companies and break through- accomplishments were done by people, who thought differently from the rest of the world and were not afraid to put their vision into action.
3. Ignore the “realistic dudes”. They say that you should not go to a doctor whose office plants have died. Just as you should not ask a person who has achieved very little, advice on success. Before listening to “kind-hearted” advice to give up on your goals or think smaller, consider this – most people who claim to “be realistic” spend 95% of their time worrying about things that will never happen. There is a huge difference between having your feet firmly on the ground and making Murphy’s Law “Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong” your life credo. Do not let the “realistic dudes” dampen your self-confidence and prevent you from going after your goals. Listen to yourself! You already know all the right answers!
4. See everyone as your equal. Two of the greatest fears: fear of failure and fear of success are caused by our unconscious need to compare ourselves with others. As a result we consider some groups of people to be “lower” than us and others to be “out of our league”, because we believe that they have something we have not been given. Here is the truth – no one cheated you at your birth. God did not send you to this Planet to demonstrate to you, your inferiority. You have all the intelligence, skills, tools and perfect circumstances to learn your lessons, develop and succeed. But it is up to you to figure out what success means to you and to make the maximum out of what you have been given.
5. Let go of what is holding you back. It does not matter what you have done to get where you are right now, because you cannot influence this. What matters is what you do today to get where you want to be. Let go of everything that holds you back and creates friction in your progress, be it past failures, pessimistic people or negative beliefs. They rob too much of your physical and mental energy.
6. Whatever you do, do something! Over time anything we do or do not do on a regularly basis turns into a habit. If we do not consciously try to change our behavior, our life style, opinions, and even relationships lose their excitement and become sedentary. Similar, no matter how great your ambitions are, if you do not do anything about them for a certain period of time, you develop a habit of constantly postponing your dreams for later Momentum is the key to breaking free from the evil spells of stagnation and making your life more exciting and satisfying.
7. Know when to quit. Being unrealistic and striving for higher goals is not the same as being unreasonable and stubbornly sticking to projects that have absolutely no chances of success. Learn to concentrate on your winning ideas and drop quickly the ones that do not bring any results.
8. Use Pareto principle to amplify your achievements. The Pareto principle (also known as 80-20 rule) states that around 80% of the effects come from only 20% of the causes. It means that 80% of your achievements are direct result of 20%of your efforts. And vice versa, 80% of your problems and negative situations are provoked by only 20% of causes. Think of what events/actions/beliefs are responsible for the majority of your distress and negative emotions and which ones are making you happier and more successful? Then amplify your accomplishments by eliminating the main “negativity” triggers and concentrating on those things that bring you most joy and greater results.
9. Choose the path of least resistance. As strange as it may sound, achieving bigger goals usually takes just as much time and effort as accomplishing mediocre goals. There is simply less competition at the top. Aim higher than majority of people and you will not have to waste your energy competing with 95% of the population who are going after “realistic goals”.
And if someone tries to breed doubts in your heart instead of listening to them listen to Michelangelo who said that, “The greatest danger for most of us in not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it”. He obviously knew what he was talking about!
Mohammed to Johny Transformation
Mohammed, a Pakistani child, entered his classroom on the first day of school in Ohio (USA)
"What is your name?" - asked the teacher.
"Mohammed". . .. - answered the kid.
"You are in America now. From now on your name will be Johnny,"
-replied the teacher.
In the evening, Mohammed returned home. "How was your day, Mohammed?"
- asked his mother.
"My name is not Mohammed. I'm in America and now my name is Johnny."
"Ah, are you ashamed of your name, are you trying to dishonor your
parents, your heritage, your religion? Shame on you!"
- and she beat him.
Then she called his father and he too beat him.
The next day Mohammed returned to school..
When the teacher saw him with all the bruises she asked, "What happened
to you little Johnny"?
Well madam, 4 hours after I becoming an American, I was attacked by
two Pakistani's At home."
"What is your name?" - asked the teacher.
"Mohammed". . .. - answered the kid.
"You are in America now. From now on your name will be Johnny,"
-replied the teacher.
In the evening, Mohammed returned home. "How was your day, Mohammed?"
- asked his mother.
"My name is not Mohammed. I'm in America and now my name is Johnny."
"Ah, are you ashamed of your name, are you trying to dishonor your
parents, your heritage, your religion? Shame on you!"
- and she beat him.
Then she called his father and he too beat him.
The next day Mohammed returned to school..
When the teacher saw him with all the bruises she asked, "What happened
to you little Johnny"?
Well madam, 4 hours after I becoming an American, I was attacked by
two Pakistani's At home."
Friday, July 09, 2010
Boys will always remain boys
A new lady teacher came to teach 8th standard students. As it was the first day, she gave her intro, and asked all the students to introduce themselves with name and hobby.
She said, Lets start with the boys first.
Boys start giving their intro...
First boy: My name is John, and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub.
Teacher was confused to listen but said, Interesting. Well, Ok. Infact, we must be honest in telling the hobby. And after all there is essentially a child in each of us. So its ok John.
Yes next.
Second boy: Myself Peter and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub.
Teacher now got surprised and said, Good. I like the spirit of supporting a friend. Ok next.
Third boy: Im Smith and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub.
Teacher: Guys are you joking or what? Please be sincere. Ok next.
This continues...
and the last boy stands up Im Harry and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub.
Exhausted, the teacher said, I dont think I will be able to teach un-grown boys for long.
Anyway, now the girls please.
First girl: Im Julie and my hobby is to see birds.
Teacher: Good. At last I got something different.
Ok next.
Second girl: Im Ruby and I like to collect perfumes.
Teacher Now its like educated grown up girls. Ok next.
You sweet girl; Yes you...
Most beautiful girl of the class:
Mam, my name is BUBBLE, and my hobby is to take bath three times a day.
She said, Lets start with the boys first.
Boys start giving their intro...
First boy: My name is John, and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub.
Teacher was confused to listen but said, Interesting. Well, Ok. Infact, we must be honest in telling the hobby. And after all there is essentially a child in each of us. So its ok John.
Yes next.
Second boy: Myself Peter and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub.
Teacher now got surprised and said, Good. I like the spirit of supporting a friend. Ok next.
Third boy: Im Smith and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub.
Teacher: Guys are you joking or what? Please be sincere. Ok next.
This continues...
and the last boy stands up Im Harry and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub.
Exhausted, the teacher said, I dont think I will be able to teach un-grown boys for long.
Anyway, now the girls please.
First girl: Im Julie and my hobby is to see birds.
Teacher: Good. At last I got something different.
Ok next.
Second girl: Im Ruby and I like to collect perfumes.
Teacher Now its like educated grown up girls. Ok next.
You sweet girl; Yes you...
Most beautiful girl of the class:
Mam, my name is BUBBLE, and my hobby is to take bath three times a day.
Thursday, July 08, 2010
Priest's Retirement Dinner
A Priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.
However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited:
'I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and sold his sister's jewelery to buy a gun. I was appalled.
But as the days went on I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people.'....
Just as the Priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk:
'I'll never forget the first day our parish Priest arrived,' said the politician. 'In fact, I had the honour of being the first person to go to him for confession.'
Moral: Never, Never, Never Be Late....
However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited:
'I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and sold his sister's jewelery to buy a gun. I was appalled.
But as the days went on I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people.'....
Just as the Priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk:
'I'll never forget the first day our parish Priest arrived,' said the politician. 'In fact, I had the honour of being the first person to go to him for confession.'
Moral: Never, Never, Never Be Late....
Wednesday, July 07, 2010
Lion goes on-site
In a poor zoo of India , a lion was frustrated as he was offered not more than 1 kg meat a day.
The lion thought its prayers were answered when one US Zoo Manager visited the zoo and requested the zoo management to shift the lion to the US Zoo.
The lion was so happy and started thinking of a central A/c environment, a goat or two every day and a US Green Card also. On its first day after arrival,the lion was offered a big bag, sealed very nicely for breakfast.
The lion opened it quickly but was shocked to see that it contained few bananas. Then the lion thought that may be they cared too much for him as they were worried about his stomach as he had recently shifted from India .
The next day the same thing happened. On the third day again the same food bag of bananas was delivered.
The lion was so furious, it stopped the delivery boy and blasted at him, 'Don't you know I am the lion...king of the Jungle..., what's wrong with your management?, what nonsense is this?, why are you delivering bananas to me?'
The delivery boy politely said, 'Sir, I know you are the king of the jungle but .. Did you know that you have been brought here on a monkey's visa !!!!!
Moral of Story :
Better to be a Lion in India than a Monkey elsewhere !!!
Tuesday, July 06, 2010
Two-Headed Calf Born in Egypt Expected to Survive
An Egyptian farmer this week said one of his cows gave birth to a two-headed calf, after two hours of strenuous labor. The farmer, Sobhy el-Ganzoury, called it a "divine miracle." The animal is expected to survive.
El-Ganzoury is feeding milk to the calf with a baby bottle, and he told the AP that the animal is a reminder that "God is able to do anything." A veterinarian told him that the calf is in stable condition, despite having weak legs from the difficult birth.
Monday, July 05, 2010
Vying for those perfect abs?
Ninety thousand rupees will fetch you a brand new six-pack. Ask Dr Mohan Thomas, a senior cosmetic surgeon and consultant at Mumbai's Breach Candy hospital.
Dr Thomas gets 20 to 30 people every month who want six-pack abs the easy way (by a surgery called injection lipolysis - see box). And a lot of men do want them the easy way, because, face it, working to get a six-pack is very hard.
But it's also apparently very desirable to have one. Blame it on luck, blame it on fate. actually, blame it on Shah Rukh Khan, who kicked off the trend less than three years ago with Om Shanti Om. And on Aamir Khan in Ghajini, Shahid Kapur in Kaminey and more recently, Imran Khan in I Hate Luv Storys.
The consensus among the people who do matter is: if you ain't got a six-pack, you ain't fit!
Fortunately, that kind of thinking is usually restricted to models and film people. "Sixty per cent of the people who come to me are aspiring models," says Dr Thomas.
"Everyone comes to Mumbai to try their luck in the world of glamour and naturally, they all want to look the best they can. I think people looked at SRK and Aamir and thought 'hey, these two went from being regular guys to being 'ripped,' so why can't I?'"
While the other 40 per cent of Dr Thomas's clientele comprises older men struggling with mid-life crises, it's primarily men in the glamour industry who are obsessed with six-packs.
"It's simple: an aspiring model who does have a six pack certainly has an edge over one who doesn't, even if the other person does have a flat, toned tummy," says Pranav Awasthi, who runs Glitz Model Management, a leading modelling agency.
"That's not to say that models don't require other skills. But at the end of the day, they're expected to be fit and today, the definition of fit includes having a six-pack."
Fashion designer Prasad Bidapa is one of those people who welcome the trend and take it seriously.
"The '50s and the '60s were the years of the prosperity paunch; the '90s were the years of the bulky macho man with huge shoulders. This decade, lean is in," he says.
Bidapa thinks that having a six-pack is a reflection of our changing perception of health and beauty. "I see it like this: sporting a designer bag with a six-pack works. Sporting a designer bag with a flabby body doesn't work. It's that simple," he laughs.
"So every model that comes to audition for me has six-packs - the serious ones have eight - and that's because the competition is so intense."
So is having a six-pack the be all and end all of making it big in the glamour world? "Unfortunately, that's exactly what the newbies feel," says Awasthi.
"But ultimately, acting skills is where the real money is because unless you become a supermodel, you're probably just one of the 10-15 guys walking the ramp."
Redefining fitness Some filmmakers believe that there's no novelty in actors having six-packs anymore. Shahid Kapur didn't flaunt his abs in Badmaash Company even though the film did have the mandatory beach scene. Director Parmeet Sethi claims that this was a conscious decision.
"Shahid Kapur has not shown his physique in my film because both of us came to the conclusion that it looked extremely pretentious, a been-there-done-that kind of a thing, you know. I mean, let's face it - Shahid's character is supposed to be your average kid from the '90s and at that time, abs were certainly not in vogue."
Sethi is point blank when airing his views about the trend. "For some strange reason, the younger generation today feels that having a six-pack somehow means you have arrived! I think actors today are competing in all the wrong areas - you know, abs, hair, dancing skills, rather than things that matter like the kind of films they do and the roles they play."
Having six-packs is not bad, he sums up. "But having only six-packs most certainly is." Punit Malhotra, the director who presents young Imran Khan in a most un-Imran Khan avatar in I Hate Luv Storys too claims that he "only wanted the actor to look fit and getting washboard abs wasn't a conscious decision at all.
But of course, by today's definition, 'fit' equals six-pack." It's a trend, not a requirement, says Malhotra, but adds, "I'm not sure if it's a healthy trend." It certainly doesn't seem very healthy. Even gym trainers warn people off it.
"Sometimes, Aamir used to shriek in pain and cry doing the stomach crunches while training for Ghajini, but he did not skip a single day," says his trainer Satya. It took Aamir 13 months of intense four-hour workout sessions daily and a carefully monitored diet regimen to achieve his look in the film.
"I'm not sure how safe that is for normal people to attempt," says Satya. The real meaty issue is the fact that at the end of the day, washboard abs are a modern-day, machine made construct (ever saw yesteryear wrestlers and even bodybuilders flaunting their six-packs?).
The odd part is that most females find them positively gross and claim that a six-pack is certainly not what they're looking for in their guy. But showbiz has its own rules - most of them made by men!
The trend
2007: Shah Rukh Khan, of all people, kicks off the trend with Farah Khan's Om Shanti Om. The actor's six-pack creates much buzz around the film.
2008: Aamir Khan follows in his footsteps and unveils a pumped up new body and a brand new six-pack for the Hindi remake of the action flick Ghajini.
2010: Imran Khan is the latest entrant on the six-pack scene in the just-released romantic comedy, I Hate Luv Storys.
Dr Thomas gets 20 to 30 people every month who want six-pack abs the easy way (by a surgery called injection lipolysis - see box). And a lot of men do want them the easy way, because, face it, working to get a six-pack is very hard.
But it's also apparently very desirable to have one. Blame it on luck, blame it on fate. actually, blame it on Shah Rukh Khan, who kicked off the trend less than three years ago with Om Shanti Om. And on Aamir Khan in Ghajini, Shahid Kapur in Kaminey and more recently, Imran Khan in I Hate Luv Storys.
The consensus among the people who do matter is: if you ain't got a six-pack, you ain't fit!
Fortunately, that kind of thinking is usually restricted to models and film people. "Sixty per cent of the people who come to me are aspiring models," says Dr Thomas.
"Everyone comes to Mumbai to try their luck in the world of glamour and naturally, they all want to look the best they can. I think people looked at SRK and Aamir and thought 'hey, these two went from being regular guys to being 'ripped,' so why can't I?'"
While the other 40 per cent of Dr Thomas's clientele comprises older men struggling with mid-life crises, it's primarily men in the glamour industry who are obsessed with six-packs.
"It's simple: an aspiring model who does have a six pack certainly has an edge over one who doesn't, even if the other person does have a flat, toned tummy," says Pranav Awasthi, who runs Glitz Model Management, a leading modelling agency.
"That's not to say that models don't require other skills. But at the end of the day, they're expected to be fit and today, the definition of fit includes having a six-pack."
Fashion designer Prasad Bidapa is one of those people who welcome the trend and take it seriously.
"The '50s and the '60s were the years of the prosperity paunch; the '90s were the years of the bulky macho man with huge shoulders. This decade, lean is in," he says.
Bidapa thinks that having a six-pack is a reflection of our changing perception of health and beauty. "I see it like this: sporting a designer bag with a six-pack works. Sporting a designer bag with a flabby body doesn't work. It's that simple," he laughs.
"So every model that comes to audition for me has six-packs - the serious ones have eight - and that's because the competition is so intense."
So is having a six-pack the be all and end all of making it big in the glamour world? "Unfortunately, that's exactly what the newbies feel," says Awasthi.
"But ultimately, acting skills is where the real money is because unless you become a supermodel, you're probably just one of the 10-15 guys walking the ramp."
Redefining fitness Some filmmakers believe that there's no novelty in actors having six-packs anymore. Shahid Kapur didn't flaunt his abs in Badmaash Company even though the film did have the mandatory beach scene. Director Parmeet Sethi claims that this was a conscious decision.
"Shahid Kapur has not shown his physique in my film because both of us came to the conclusion that it looked extremely pretentious, a been-there-done-that kind of a thing, you know. I mean, let's face it - Shahid's character is supposed to be your average kid from the '90s and at that time, abs were certainly not in vogue."
Sethi is point blank when airing his views about the trend. "For some strange reason, the younger generation today feels that having a six-pack somehow means you have arrived! I think actors today are competing in all the wrong areas - you know, abs, hair, dancing skills, rather than things that matter like the kind of films they do and the roles they play."
Having six-packs is not bad, he sums up. "But having only six-packs most certainly is." Punit Malhotra, the director who presents young Imran Khan in a most un-Imran Khan avatar in I Hate Luv Storys too claims that he "only wanted the actor to look fit and getting washboard abs wasn't a conscious decision at all.
But of course, by today's definition, 'fit' equals six-pack." It's a trend, not a requirement, says Malhotra, but adds, "I'm not sure if it's a healthy trend." It certainly doesn't seem very healthy. Even gym trainers warn people off it.
"Sometimes, Aamir used to shriek in pain and cry doing the stomach crunches while training for Ghajini, but he did not skip a single day," says his trainer Satya. It took Aamir 13 months of intense four-hour workout sessions daily and a carefully monitored diet regimen to achieve his look in the film.
"I'm not sure how safe that is for normal people to attempt," says Satya. The real meaty issue is the fact that at the end of the day, washboard abs are a modern-day, machine made construct (ever saw yesteryear wrestlers and even bodybuilders flaunting their six-packs?).
The odd part is that most females find them positively gross and claim that a six-pack is certainly not what they're looking for in their guy. But showbiz has its own rules - most of them made by men!
The trend
2007: Shah Rukh Khan, of all people, kicks off the trend with Farah Khan's Om Shanti Om. The actor's six-pack creates much buzz around the film.
2008: Aamir Khan follows in his footsteps and unveils a pumped up new body and a brand new six-pack for the Hindi remake of the action flick Ghajini.
2010: Imran Khan is the latest entrant on the six-pack scene in the just-released romantic comedy, I Hate Luv Storys.
Thursday, July 01, 2010
Prayer carpets take mosques to Saudi World Cup fans
If you can't beat 'em, join 'em: Saudi Arabia's religious police, who once used staves to prod people to the mosque at prayer time, are taking the mosque to football fans for the World Cup.
The Islamic morality cops began rolling out prayer carpets this week in front of popular coffee shops on Riyadh's central Tahlia street, where Saudi men are turning out nightly for the matches broadcast from South Africa. The "mobile mosques," as they are called, make sure the faithful don't miss the sunset mahgrib prayer, which by chance falls just at the end of regulation time of the daily first match in the World Cup's current round of 16.
On the other hand, on Tuesday the call to prayer began just as Japan and Paraguay entered extra-time. Abiding by Saudi religious rules that require all commercial establishments to close for prayers, the big-screen TVs were shut off in La Caverna coffee shop and customers herded outside.
There a team from the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice (CPVPV), as they are formally known, laid out carpets facing Mecca on the broad sidewalk, and mounted a microphone for the imam. Large loudspeakers broadcast the imam's call from the mobile mosque truck; it also had pop-out water spigots for pre-prayer ablutions.
Firas Douglass, a Jordanian resident of Saudi Arabia and a Netherlands team fan, said he didn't mind missing Japan and Paraguay's extra-time battle. "It's not a big matter, it's only five minutes. We are losing around 90 minutes doing nothing" but watching football, he said.
"We are making it convenient for everyone to pray," said Khalid al-Rusais, the CPVPV team leader. Long despised by many Saudis for their rough enforcement of Saudi Arabia's strict Islamic morality, the CPVPV have in the past year gone on a charm offensive, curtailing some of their more controversial actions.
The Islamic morality cops began rolling out prayer carpets this week in front of popular coffee shops on Riyadh's central Tahlia street, where Saudi men are turning out nightly for the matches broadcast from South Africa. The "mobile mosques," as they are called, make sure the faithful don't miss the sunset mahgrib prayer, which by chance falls just at the end of regulation time of the daily first match in the World Cup's current round of 16.
On the other hand, on Tuesday the call to prayer began just as Japan and Paraguay entered extra-time. Abiding by Saudi religious rules that require all commercial establishments to close for prayers, the big-screen TVs were shut off in La Caverna coffee shop and customers herded outside.
There a team from the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice (CPVPV), as they are formally known, laid out carpets facing Mecca on the broad sidewalk, and mounted a microphone for the imam. Large loudspeakers broadcast the imam's call from the mobile mosque truck; it also had pop-out water spigots for pre-prayer ablutions.
Firas Douglass, a Jordanian resident of Saudi Arabia and a Netherlands team fan, said he didn't mind missing Japan and Paraguay's extra-time battle. "It's not a big matter, it's only five minutes. We are losing around 90 minutes doing nothing" but watching football, he said.
"We are making it convenient for everyone to pray," said Khalid al-Rusais, the CPVPV team leader. Long despised by many Saudis for their rough enforcement of Saudi Arabia's strict Islamic morality, the CPVPV have in the past year gone on a charm offensive, curtailing some of their more controversial actions.
Monday, June 28, 2010
`Dead' man walking, `guarding' and also getting salary
Allauddin Sheikh, a security guard with the local civic body, reports to work regularly and draws salary every month. Nothing amiss, except that the 52-year-old was declared "dead" by civic authorities last year.
"In May this year, I learnt through my colleague that I had been declared dead in BMC's records by one of our clerks on October 27, 2009. I have been reporting to work daily and also get my salary on time," Sheikh said.
Sheikh is making endless rounds of the civic body and meeting officials to ensure the error is rectified at the earliest.
"I'm thankful to God that at least my wife, who is suffering from high blood pressure, was not informed about it. But this is ridiculous. How they can declare me dead and on what basis?" he said.
Sheikh joined Brihanmumbai Municipal Corporation (BMC) in 1981 and has six years left for retirement. He is currently posted at the G-south ward office.
The clerical error brought trouble for Sheikh who had taken a Rs 1.25-lakh loan from Municipal Corporation Bank for his daughter's wedding in 2006.
"Since then, I have been paying an instalment of about Rs 3,000 per month. A sum of Rs 35,000 was yet to be paid.
When bank officials learnt about my `death', they deducted the pending amount from my account without my knowledge," Sheikh said.
Joint security officer of BMC S V Kulkarni said, "We admit that our staff committed a mistake and we are rectifying it. It happened mistakenly. Sheikh was irregular on duty and this might be one of the reasons why the clerk may have marked him as dead."
"In May this year, I learnt through my colleague that I had been declared dead in BMC's records by one of our clerks on October 27, 2009. I have been reporting to work daily and also get my salary on time," Sheikh said.
Sheikh is making endless rounds of the civic body and meeting officials to ensure the error is rectified at the earliest.
"I'm thankful to God that at least my wife, who is suffering from high blood pressure, was not informed about it. But this is ridiculous. How they can declare me dead and on what basis?" he said.
Sheikh joined Brihanmumbai Municipal Corporation (BMC) in 1981 and has six years left for retirement. He is currently posted at the G-south ward office.
The clerical error brought trouble for Sheikh who had taken a Rs 1.25-lakh loan from Municipal Corporation Bank for his daughter's wedding in 2006.
"Since then, I have been paying an instalment of about Rs 3,000 per month. A sum of Rs 35,000 was yet to be paid.
When bank officials learnt about my `death', they deducted the pending amount from my account without my knowledge," Sheikh said.
Joint security officer of BMC S V Kulkarni said, "We admit that our staff committed a mistake and we are rectifying it. It happened mistakenly. Sheikh was irregular on duty and this might be one of the reasons why the clerk may have marked him as dead."
Some very Good and Very bad things
The most destructive habit……….........................Worry
The greatest Joy...................................................Giving
The greatest loss..............................Loss of self-respect
The most satisfying work.......................Helping others
The ugliest personality trait.........................Selfishness
The most endangered species..........Dedicated leaders
Our greatest natural resource....................Our youth
The greatest 'shot in the arm'.............Encouragement
The greatest problem to overcome….....................Fear
The most effective sleeping pill.............Peace of mind
The most crippling failure disease................Excuses
The most powerful force in life..........................Love
The most dangerous pariah.....................A gossiper
The world's most incredible computer.......The brain
The worst thing to be without....................Hope
The deadliest weapon.........................The tongue
The two most power-filled words..............'I Can'
The greatest asset........................................Faith
The most worthless emotion...................Self-pity
The most beautiful attire.......................SMILE!
The most prized possession....................Integrity
The most powerful channel of communication.......Prayer
The most contagious spirit..................Enthusiasm
The most important thing in life..................GOD THE ALMIGHTY.
The greatest Joy...................................................Giving
The greatest loss..............................Loss of self-respect
The most satisfying work.......................Helping others
The ugliest personality trait.........................Selfishness
The most endangered species..........Dedicated leaders
Our greatest natural resource....................Our youth
The greatest 'shot in the arm'.............Encouragement
The greatest problem to overcome….....................Fear
The most effective sleeping pill.............Peace of mind
The most crippling failure disease................Excuses
The most powerful force in life..........................Love
The most dangerous pariah.....................A gossiper
The world's most incredible computer.......The brain
The worst thing to be without....................Hope
The deadliest weapon.........................The tongue
The two most power-filled words..............'I Can'
The greatest asset........................................Faith
The most worthless emotion...................Self-pity
The most beautiful attire.......................SMILE!
The most prized possession....................Integrity
The most powerful channel of communication.......Prayer
The most contagious spirit..................Enthusiasm
The most important thing in life..................GOD THE ALMIGHTY.
BALANCE SHEET OF LIFE
Our Birth is our Opening Balance!
Our Death is our Closing Balance!
Our Prejudiced Views are our Liabilities.
Our Creative Ideas are our Assets.
Heart is our Current Asset.
Soul is our Fixed Asset.
Brain is our Fixed Deposit.
Thinking is our Current Account.
Achievements are our Capital.
Character & Morals, our Stock-in-Trade.
Friends are our General Reserves.
Values & Behaviour are our Goodwill.
Love is our Dividend.
Children are our Bonus Issues.
Education is Brands / Patents.
Knowledge is our Investment.
Experience is our Premium Account.
The Aim is to Tally the Balance Sheet Accurately.
The Goal is to get the Best Presented Accounts Award.
Our Death is our Closing Balance!
Our Prejudiced Views are our Liabilities.
Our Creative Ideas are our Assets.
Heart is our Current Asset.
Soul is our Fixed Asset.
Brain is our Fixed Deposit.
Thinking is our Current Account.
Achievements are our Capital.
Character & Morals, our Stock-in-Trade.
Friends are our General Reserves.
Values & Behaviour are our Goodwill.
Love is our Dividend.
Children are our Bonus Issues.
Education is Brands / Patents.
Knowledge is our Investment.
Experience is our Premium Account.
The Aim is to Tally the Balance Sheet Accurately.
The Goal is to get the Best Presented Accounts Award.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
New York web designer develops nuclear reactor at home
A New York web designer for fashion house Gucci made the eye balls roll when he revealed that he has developed a nuclear reactor in a Brooklyn warehouse.
Mark Suppes, a 32-year-old amateur physicist with a passion for sustainable energy, made the 40,000-dollar fusion reactor in his leisure time.
"I was inspired because I believed I was looking at a technology that could actually work to solve our energy problems, and I believed it was something that I could at least begin to build," News.com.au quoted Suppes as telling the BBC.
He is the 38th independent physicist across the world to accomplish nuclear fusion from a self-built reactor.
Fusion reactors are perfectly legal in the US and pose no radioactive threat.
Mark Suppes, a 32-year-old amateur physicist with a passion for sustainable energy, made the 40,000-dollar fusion reactor in his leisure time.
"I was inspired because I believed I was looking at a technology that could actually work to solve our energy problems, and I believed it was something that I could at least begin to build," News.com.au quoted Suppes as telling the BBC.
He is the 38th independent physicist across the world to accomplish nuclear fusion from a self-built reactor.
Fusion reactors are perfectly legal in the US and pose no radioactive threat.
WORDS OF POWER
Napoleon said..
"The world suffers a lot. Not because of the violence of bad people, but because of the silence of good people!"
Michael Paul said..
I wrote on the door of heart, "Please do not enter"
Love came smiling and said: "Sorry I am an illiterate"
Einstein said..
"I am thankful to all those who said NO to me
It’s Because of them I did it myself.
Abraham Lincoln said..
"If friendship is your weakest point then you are the strongest person in the world."
Shakespeare said..
"Laughing Faces Do Not Mean That There Is Absence Of Sorrow!
But It Means That They Have The Ability To Deal With It"
Shakespeare said..
"In The Times Of Crisis I Was Not Hurt By The Harsh Words Of My Enemies,
But By The Silence Of My Friends".
Shakespeare said..
"Never Play With The Feelings Of Others Because You May Win The Game
But You Will Surely Lose The Person For Life Time"
Shakespeare said..
"Coin Always Makes Sound But The Currency Notes Are Always Silent.
So When Your Value Increases Keep Yourself Calm Silent"
William Arthur said..
"Opportunities Are Like Sunrises, If You Wait Too Long You Can Miss Them"
Hitler said..
"When You Are In The Light, Everything Follows You,
But When You Enter Into The Dark, Even Your Own Shadow Doesn’t Follow You"
Shiv Khera..
"If We Are Not Part Of The Solutions, We Are The Big Problems"
"Winners Never Do The Different Things,
They Do The Things Differently".
John Keats said..
"It Is Very Easy To Defeat Someone, But It Is Very Hard To Win Someone"
"The world suffers a lot. Not because of the violence of bad people, but because of the silence of good people!"
Michael Paul said..
I wrote on the door of heart, "Please do not enter"
Love came smiling and said: "Sorry I am an illiterate"
Einstein said..
"I am thankful to all those who said NO to me
It’s Because of them I did it myself.
Abraham Lincoln said..
"If friendship is your weakest point then you are the strongest person in the world."
Shakespeare said..
"Laughing Faces Do Not Mean That There Is Absence Of Sorrow!
But It Means That They Have The Ability To Deal With It"
Shakespeare said..
"In The Times Of Crisis I Was Not Hurt By The Harsh Words Of My Enemies,
But By The Silence Of My Friends".
Shakespeare said..
"Never Play With The Feelings Of Others Because You May Win The Game
But You Will Surely Lose The Person For Life Time"
Shakespeare said..
"Coin Always Makes Sound But The Currency Notes Are Always Silent.
So When Your Value Increases Keep Yourself Calm Silent"
William Arthur said..
"Opportunities Are Like Sunrises, If You Wait Too Long You Can Miss Them"
Hitler said..
"When You Are In The Light, Everything Follows You,
But When You Enter Into The Dark, Even Your Own Shadow Doesn’t Follow You"
Shiv Khera..
"If We Are Not Part Of The Solutions, We Are The Big Problems"
"Winners Never Do The Different Things,
They Do The Things Differently".
John Keats said..
"It Is Very Easy To Defeat Someone, But It Is Very Hard To Win Someone"
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
TRUE AIM OF LIFE
A Tourist complimented the local fishermen on the quality of their fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.
"Not very long." they answered in unison.
"Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?"
The fishermen explained that their small catches were sufficient to meet their needs and those of their families.
"But what do you do with the rest of your time?"
"We sleep late, fish a little, play with our children, and take siestas with our wives. In the evenings, we go into the village to see our friends,
have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs. We have a full life."
The tourist interrupted,
"I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch.
With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat."
"And after that?"
"With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers.
Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant.
You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City , Los Angeles , or even New York City ! From there you can direct your huge new enterprise."
"How long would that take?"
"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years." replied the tourist.
"And after that?"
"Afterwards? Well my friend, that's when it gets really interesting, " answered the tourist, laughing. "When your business gets really big,
you can start buying and selling stocks and make millions!"
"Millions? Really? And after that?" asked the fishermen.
"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."
“ That’s what we are doing now” replied the fishermen
And the moral of this story is:
........ Know where you're going in life.... you may already be there!!
"Not very long." they answered in unison.
"Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?"
The fishermen explained that their small catches were sufficient to meet their needs and those of their families.
"But what do you do with the rest of your time?"
"We sleep late, fish a little, play with our children, and take siestas with our wives. In the evenings, we go into the village to see our friends,
have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs. We have a full life."
The tourist interrupted,
"I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch.
With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat."
"And after that?"
"With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers.
Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant.
You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City , Los Angeles , or even New York City ! From there you can direct your huge new enterprise."
"How long would that take?"
"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years." replied the tourist.
"And after that?"
"Afterwards? Well my friend, that's when it gets really interesting, " answered the tourist, laughing. "When your business gets really big,
you can start buying and selling stocks and make millions!"
"Millions? Really? And after that?" asked the fishermen.
"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."
“ That’s what we are doing now” replied the fishermen
And the moral of this story is:
........ Know where you're going in life.... you may already be there!!
Monday, June 14, 2010
Saturday, June 12, 2010
The Best "Out-Of-Office" E-Mail Auto-Replies:
1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.
2: I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.
3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management
5: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
7: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.'
(The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).
8: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
9: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.
10: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.
11: I've run away to join a different circus.
AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE:
12: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of 'Steve'…
2: I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.
3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management
5: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
7: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.'
(The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).
8: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
9: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.
10: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.
11: I've run away to join a different circus.
AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE:
12: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of 'Steve'…
Friday, June 11, 2010
Hilarious Q & A
A first-grade teacher, Ms Neelam (Age 28) was having trouble with one of her students the teacher asked,"Boy. what is your problem?"
Boy answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"
Ms Neelam had enough. She took Boy. to the principal's office. While Boy. waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.She agreed.
Boy. was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Boy.: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Boy.: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Neelam and tells her, "I think Boy can go to the third-grade."
Ms Neelam says to the principal, "I have some of my own questions.
Can I ask him ?" The principal and Boy both agreed.
Ms Neelam asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of? Boy.,
after a moment "Legs."
Ms Neelam: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
Boy.: "Pockets."
Ms Neelam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval,delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy.: Coconut
Ms Neelam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy. was taking charge.
Boy.: Bubblegum
Ms Neelam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...
Boy.: Shake hands
Ms Neelam: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
Boy.: Yep.
Ms Neelam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Boy.: Tent
Ms Neelam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.
Boy.: Wedding Ring
Ms Neelam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Boy.: Nose
Ms Neelam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Boy.: Arrow
Ms Neelam: What word sta rts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?
Boy.: Firetruck
Ms Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u dont get it u have to use ur hand.
Boy.: Fork
Ms Neelam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?
Boy.: SURNAME
Ms Neelam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?
Boy.: HEART.
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, "Send This Boy to IIM Bangalore I got the last ten questions wrong myself!! "
thoughts of Attitude !
Boy answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"
Ms Neelam had enough. She took Boy. to the principal's office. While Boy. waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.She agreed.
Boy. was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Boy.: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Boy.: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Neelam and tells her, "I think Boy can go to the third-grade."
Ms Neelam says to the principal, "I have some of my own questions.
Can I ask him ?" The principal and Boy both agreed.
Ms Neelam asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of? Boy.,
after a moment "Legs."
Ms Neelam: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
Boy.: "Pockets."
Ms Neelam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval,delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy.: Coconut
Ms Neelam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy. was taking charge.
Boy.: Bubblegum
Ms Neelam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...
Boy.: Shake hands
Ms Neelam: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
Boy.: Yep.
Ms Neelam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Boy.: Tent
Ms Neelam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.
Boy.: Wedding Ring
Ms Neelam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Boy.: Nose
Ms Neelam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Boy.: Arrow
Ms Neelam: What word sta rts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?
Boy.: Firetruck
Ms Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u dont get it u have to use ur hand.
Boy.: Fork
Ms Neelam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?
Boy.: SURNAME
Ms Neelam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?
Boy.: HEART.
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, "Send This Boy to IIM Bangalore I got the last ten questions wrong myself!! "
thoughts of Attitude !
Wednesday, June 09, 2010
Riddles of Alphabets
Q: What letter of the alphabet is an insect?
A: B. (bee)
Q: What letter is a part of the head?
A: I. (eye)
Q: What letter is a drink?
A: T. (tea)
Q: What letter is a body of water?
A: C. (sea)
Q: What letter is a pronoun like "you"?
A: The letter " I "
Q: What letter is a vegetable?
A: P. (pea)
Q: What letter is an exclamation?
A: O. (oh!)
Q: What letter is looking for causes ?
A: Y. (why)
Q: What four letters frighten a thief?
A: O.I.C.U. (Oh I see you!)
Q: What comes once in a minute, twice in a moment but not once in a thousand years?
A: The letter "m".
Q: Why is the letter "T" like an island ?
A: Because it is in the middle of waTer.
Q: In what way can the letter "A" help a deaf lady?
A: It can make "her" "hear.
Q: Which is the loudest vowel?
A: The letter "I". It is always in the midst of noise
Q: What way are the letter "A" and "noon" alike?
A: Both of them are in the middle of the "day".
Q: Why is "U" the happiest letter?
A: Because it is in the middle of "fun".
Q: What word of only three syllables contains 26 letters?
A: Alphabet = (26 letters)
Q: What relatives are dependent on "you"?
A: Aunt, uncle, cousin. They all need "U".
A: B. (bee)
Q: What letter is a part of the head?
A: I. (eye)
Q: What letter is a drink?
A: T. (tea)
Q: What letter is a body of water?
A: C. (sea)
Q: What letter is a pronoun like "you"?
A: The letter " I "
Q: What letter is a vegetable?
A: P. (pea)
Q: What letter is an exclamation?
A: O. (oh!)
Q: What letter is looking for causes ?
A: Y. (why)
Q: What four letters frighten a thief?
A: O.I.C.U. (Oh I see you!)
Q: What comes once in a minute, twice in a moment but not once in a thousand years?
A: The letter "m".
Q: Why is the letter "T" like an island ?
A: Because it is in the middle of waTer.
Q: In what way can the letter "A" help a deaf lady?
A: It can make "her" "hear.
Q: Which is the loudest vowel?
A: The letter "I". It is always in the midst of noise
Q: What way are the letter "A" and "noon" alike?
A: Both of them are in the middle of the "day".
Q: Why is "U" the happiest letter?
A: Because it is in the middle of "fun".
Q: What word of only three syllables contains 26 letters?
A: Alphabet = (26 letters)
Q: What relatives are dependent on "you"?
A: Aunt, uncle, cousin. They all need "U".
Monday, June 07, 2010
WHY INDIANS GET ATTACKED ABROAD
It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named
Chandrasekhar Subramani entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'?"
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand
up: 'Patrick Henry, 1775' he said.
'Very good! Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?''
Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar. 'Abraham Lincoln, 1863' said Chandrasekhar.
The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do.'
She heard a loud whisper: 'Fuck the Indians,'
'Who said that?' she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up. 'General Custer, 1862.'
At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.'
The teacher glares around and asks 'All right! Now, who said that?'
Again,Chandrasekhar says, 'George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.'
Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!'
Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher , 'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky,1997'
Now with almost mob hysteria someone said 'You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you.'
Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, ' Michael Jackson (RIP) to the child witnesses testifying against him- 2004.'
The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, 'Oh shit, we're screwed!'
And Chandrasekhar said quietly, 'I think it was the American people, November 4th, 2008".(recession)
Chandrasekhar Subramani entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'?"
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand
up: 'Patrick Henry, 1775' he said.
'Very good! Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?''
Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar. 'Abraham Lincoln, 1863' said Chandrasekhar.
The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do.'
She heard a loud whisper: 'Fuck the Indians,'
'Who said that?' she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up. 'General Custer, 1862.'
At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.'
The teacher glares around and asks 'All right! Now, who said that?'
Again,Chandrasekhar says, 'George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.'
Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!'
Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher , 'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky,1997'
Now with almost mob hysteria someone said 'You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you.'
Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, ' Michael Jackson (RIP) to the child witnesses testifying against him- 2004.'
The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, 'Oh shit, we're screwed!'
And Chandrasekhar said quietly, 'I think it was the American people, November 4th, 2008".(recession)
Quote of the Day!
God sprinkles tiny but wonderful seeds of blessings on earth each day...and I just caught one that's so nice and true...
Friday, June 04, 2010
CWG tickets launched; prices range from Rs 50 to 50,000
Price ranging from a modest Rs 50 to a whopping Rs 50,000, tickets for this year's Commonwealth Games went on sale today with sports enthusiasts having the option of booking them online or through call centres.
The ticketing website -- www.tickets.cwgdelhi2010.org and a call center facility 1800-200-1294 to book the tickets -- were launched at a function here by Delhi Lt Governor Tejender Khanna, Organising Committee Chairman Suresh Kalmadi and city Mayor Prithiviraj Sahni. Ticket prices for the sporting events range from Rs 50 to Rs 1,000 while prices for the Opening and Closing Ceremony range from Rs 1,000 to Rs 50,000 and Rs 750 to Rs 50,000 respectively.
Four events will have free entry for fans -- the Marathon, the Walk, Cycling Road Race and Cycling Time Trial. Almost 40 per cent of the competition venue tickets have been put at Rs 200 or below, the Organising Committee said.
"Tickets is one of the four revenue streams for the Organising Committee, the others being Broadcast Rights, Sponsorship and Merchandise. I am sure ticketing will raise the budgeted revenues for us," Kalmadi said.
"Tickets have been reasonably priced to make it affordable for all. There will no entertainment tax on the tickets so that one can get full value of his money. We have put in place multiple sales channel to ensure wider distribution," Kalmadi added.
The sale of the tickets will start with immediate effect through the Central Bank of India and Hero Honda stores, CWG ticketing call center (1800-200-1294) as well as through the official website.
Indian Rail Catering and Tour Company (IRCTC) has been appointed the official ticketing agency along with Broad Vision Systems and TicketPro. IRCTC will sell tickets via the Internet, call center, a network of retail outlets and at different sporting venues during the Games.
There will be around 17 lakh tickets available for sale. The ticket sales will be done in three phases. During phase-I (June 1 to July 31), spectators buying the tickets will be provided with a confirmation voucher which will be exchanged for actual tickets beginning August 1, also marking the start of phase-II.
During the second phase (August 1 to September 31), the spectators will have actual tickets against every purchase. Phase-III, which will begin just before the Games (October 1), will see venue sales outlets also added to the sales channel.
Ticket sales in international markets began in November 2009 while sales to sponsors began last month. Each ticket holder can travel free of charge by Delhi Metro trains and DTC buses to reach and return from the venue on the day of the event for which they hold a ticket.
The ticketing website -- www.tickets.cwgdelhi2010.org and a call center facility 1800-200-1294 to book the tickets -- were launched at a function here by Delhi Lt Governor Tejender Khanna, Organising Committee Chairman Suresh Kalmadi and city Mayor Prithiviraj Sahni. Ticket prices for the sporting events range from Rs 50 to Rs 1,000 while prices for the Opening and Closing Ceremony range from Rs 1,000 to Rs 50,000 and Rs 750 to Rs 50,000 respectively.
Four events will have free entry for fans -- the Marathon, the Walk, Cycling Road Race and Cycling Time Trial. Almost 40 per cent of the competition venue tickets have been put at Rs 200 or below, the Organising Committee said.
"Tickets is one of the four revenue streams for the Organising Committee, the others being Broadcast Rights, Sponsorship and Merchandise. I am sure ticketing will raise the budgeted revenues for us," Kalmadi said.
"Tickets have been reasonably priced to make it affordable for all. There will no entertainment tax on the tickets so that one can get full value of his money. We have put in place multiple sales channel to ensure wider distribution," Kalmadi added.
The sale of the tickets will start with immediate effect through the Central Bank of India and Hero Honda stores, CWG ticketing call center (1800-200-1294) as well as through the official website.
Indian Rail Catering and Tour Company (IRCTC) has been appointed the official ticketing agency along with Broad Vision Systems and TicketPro. IRCTC will sell tickets via the Internet, call center, a network of retail outlets and at different sporting venues during the Games.
There will be around 17 lakh tickets available for sale. The ticket sales will be done in three phases. During phase-I (June 1 to July 31), spectators buying the tickets will be provided with a confirmation voucher which will be exchanged for actual tickets beginning August 1, also marking the start of phase-II.
During the second phase (August 1 to September 31), the spectators will have actual tickets against every purchase. Phase-III, which will begin just before the Games (October 1), will see venue sales outlets also added to the sales channel.
Ticket sales in international markets began in November 2009 while sales to sponsors began last month. Each ticket holder can travel free of charge by Delhi Metro trains and DTC buses to reach and return from the venue on the day of the event for which they hold a ticket.
Wednesday, June 02, 2010
Indian Mother
Mom comes to visit her son Kumar for dinner....... who lives with a girl roommate Sunita. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Kumar's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Kumar volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Sunita and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Sunita came to Kumar saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Kumar said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote :
----------------------
Dear Mother:
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the silver plate.. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Kumar
----------------------
Several days later, Kumar received an email from his Mother which read :
----------------------
Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Sunita, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Sunita. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now under the pillow...
Love, Mom.
----------------------
Lesson of the day:
Don't Lie to Your Mother...........especially if she is Indian!
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Kumar volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Sunita and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Sunita came to Kumar saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Kumar said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote :
----------------------
Dear Mother:
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the silver plate.. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Kumar
----------------------
Several days later, Kumar received an email from his Mother which read :
----------------------
Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Sunita, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Sunita. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now under the pillow...
Love, Mom.
----------------------
Lesson of the day:
Don't Lie to Your Mother...........especially if she is Indian!
Rajnikanth
o Rajnikanth makes onions cry
o Rajnikanth can delete the Recycle Bin.
o Ghosts are actually caused by Rajnikanth killing people faster than Death can process them.
o Rajnikanth can build a snowman..... out of rain.
o Rajnikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone.
o Rajnikanth can drown a fish.
o When Rajnikanth enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
o When Rajnikanth looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Rajnikanth and Rajnikanth.
o Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Rajnikanth can throw Brett Favre even further.
o Rajnikanth does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
o Bullets dodge Rajnikanth.
o A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Rajnikanth and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
o Rajnikanth' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Rajnikanth.
o Rajnikanth can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
o Once a cobra bit Rajnikanth' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
o Rajnikanth can kill two stones with one bird.
o Rajnikanth was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
o Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Rajnikanth can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.
o There is no such thing as global warming. Rajnikanth was cold, so he turned the sun up.
o Rajnikanth has a deep and abiding respect for human life? unless it gets in his way.
o It takes Rajnikanth 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
o Rajnikanth once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
o In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajnikanth could use to kill you, including the room itself.
o Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Rajnikanth.
o Rajnikanth got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.
o With the rising cost of gasoline, Rajnikanth is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
o The square root of Rajnikanth is pain. Do not try to square Rajnikanth, the result is death.
o When you say "no one's perfect", Rajnikanth takes this as a personal insult.
o Outer space exists because its afraid to be on the same planet with Rajnikanth.
o Rajnikanth has counted infinity--twice.
o Rajnikanth doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
o The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Rajnikanth kicked one of the corners off.
o Rajnikanth once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
o Where there is a will, there is a way. Where there is Rajnikanth, there is no other way!
o Rajnikanth can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
o Rajnikanth can slam a revolving door.
o When Rajnikanth falls in water, Rajnikanth doesn't get wet. Water gets Rajnikanth.
o Rajnikanth can divide by zero.
o The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Rajnikanth has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
o Rajnikanth is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
o Rajnikanth ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
o Rajnikanth frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
o Rajnikanth's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
o If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time?
Answer: Rajnikanth
o If you want a list of Rajnikanth's enemies, just check the extinct species list.
o Most people put their pants on one leg at a time, Rajnikanth does both legs at once.
o Rajnikanth does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
o There are two kinds of people in this world: 1) those who are dead & 2) those who have yet to meet Rajnikanth
o Music listens to Rajnikanth
o Rajnikanth can delete the Recycle Bin.
o Ghosts are actually caused by Rajnikanth killing people faster than Death can process them.
o Rajnikanth can build a snowman..... out of rain.
o Rajnikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone.
o Rajnikanth can drown a fish.
o When Rajnikanth enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
o When Rajnikanth looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Rajnikanth and Rajnikanth.
o Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Rajnikanth can throw Brett Favre even further.
o Rajnikanth does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
o Bullets dodge Rajnikanth.
o A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Rajnikanth and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
o Rajnikanth' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Rajnikanth.
o Rajnikanth can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
o Once a cobra bit Rajnikanth' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
o Rajnikanth can kill two stones with one bird.
o Rajnikanth was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
o Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Rajnikanth can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.
o There is no such thing as global warming. Rajnikanth was cold, so he turned the sun up.
o Rajnikanth has a deep and abiding respect for human life? unless it gets in his way.
o It takes Rajnikanth 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
o Rajnikanth once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
o In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajnikanth could use to kill you, including the room itself.
o Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Rajnikanth.
o Rajnikanth got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.
o With the rising cost of gasoline, Rajnikanth is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
o The square root of Rajnikanth is pain. Do not try to square Rajnikanth, the result is death.
o When you say "no one's perfect", Rajnikanth takes this as a personal insult.
o Outer space exists because its afraid to be on the same planet with Rajnikanth.
o Rajnikanth has counted infinity--twice.
o Rajnikanth doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
o The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Rajnikanth kicked one of the corners off.
o Rajnikanth once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
o Where there is a will, there is a way. Where there is Rajnikanth, there is no other way!
o Rajnikanth can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
o Rajnikanth can slam a revolving door.
o When Rajnikanth falls in water, Rajnikanth doesn't get wet. Water gets Rajnikanth.
o Rajnikanth can divide by zero.
o The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Rajnikanth has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
o Rajnikanth is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
o Rajnikanth ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
o Rajnikanth frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
o Rajnikanth's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
o If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time?
Answer: Rajnikanth
o If you want a list of Rajnikanth's enemies, just check the extinct species list.
o Most people put their pants on one leg at a time, Rajnikanth does both legs at once.
o Rajnikanth does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
o There are two kinds of people in this world: 1) those who are dead & 2) those who have yet to meet Rajnikanth
o Music listens to Rajnikanth
Jains & Their Achievements in India
1) contribute 24% of Total Income Tax
2) 62% of Total Charity fund
3) run 12000 out of 16000 Gaushala
4) More than 50,000 temples in India with maximum tirthdham
5) 46% of share brokers in India are Jain
6) most of the leading news papers are owned by jain's
7) contribute 25% of India's GDP growth
8) own more than 28% Indian property
9) Richest community in world
10) Jains are less than 1% of India's population
2) 62% of Total Charity fund
3) run 12000 out of 16000 Gaushala
4) More than 50,000 temples in India with maximum tirthdham
5) 46% of share brokers in India are Jain
6) most of the leading news papers are owned by jain's
7) contribute 25% of India's GDP growth
8) own more than 28% Indian property
9) Richest community in world
10) Jains are less than 1% of India's population
Goan Jew
Oscar Weil and Benjamin Oppenheimer are American Jews and had come to Goa with a troop of Israelis for some R&R. While sitting at a local taverna, it came upon Benjie to ask, "Are there any Goan Jews?"
"I don't know," Oscar replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?" The rest of the troop had no idea either..
When the waiter came by, Benjie asked him, "Are there any Goan Jews?"
"I not know sir, I check," the waiter replied, and he went to speak to the bartender. He returned in a few minutes and said, "No, sir. No Goan Jews."
"Are you sure?" Benjie asked.
"I checking again, sir" the waiter replied and went back to the bartender.
While he was still gone, Oscar said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in Goa, our people are scattered everywhere."
When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, no Goan Jews.."
"Are you really sure?" Benjie asked again. "I cannot believe there are no Goan Jews."
"Sir, I check," the waiter replied exasperated. "We have orange Jews, mango Jews and pineapple Jews, but patrao not knows Goan Jews! If you like, you can even have Feni with Jews."
Cheers !
"I don't know," Oscar replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?" The rest of the troop had no idea either..
When the waiter came by, Benjie asked him, "Are there any Goan Jews?"
"I not know sir, I check," the waiter replied, and he went to speak to the bartender. He returned in a few minutes and said, "No, sir. No Goan Jews."
"Are you sure?" Benjie asked.
"I checking again, sir" the waiter replied and went back to the bartender.
While he was still gone, Oscar said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in Goa, our people are scattered everywhere."
When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, no Goan Jews.."
"Are you really sure?" Benjie asked again. "I cannot believe there are no Goan Jews."
"Sir, I check," the waiter replied exasperated. "We have orange Jews, mango Jews and pineapple Jews, but patrao not knows Goan Jews! If you like, you can even have Feni with Jews."
Cheers !
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