In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their
Family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired
and sombre. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed
the worried faces.
"The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain Transplant.
It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope.
Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the Brain
Yourselves."
The family members sat silently as they absorbed the news. After a great
Length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?" The
doctor quickly responded, "$5000 for a male brain, and $200 for a
Female brain."
The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding Eye
contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man unable to Control
his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the
male brain so much more?"
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire
Group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the
Price of the female brains, because they've actually been used, the male
Brains are hardly ever used by the owners. So they are as good as new"
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Smiley Morning
One morning at a doctor's surgery a patient arrives complaining of
serious back-pain. The doctor examines him and asks him" OK, what
happened to your back?"
The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club? This
morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my
bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the
balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find
anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and
he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at
him,That's how I strained my back"
The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The
doctor said "My previous patient looked bad, but you look
terrible.What the hell happened to you?"
He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now ..Today
was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was
running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at
the same time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."
The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two
patients do. The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell
happened to youuuuuu.....?"
"Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor"
serious back-pain. The doctor examines him and asks him" OK, what
happened to your back?"
The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club? This
morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my
bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the
balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find
anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and
he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at
him,That's how I strained my back"
The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The
doctor said "My previous patient looked bad, but you look
terrible.What the hell happened to you?"
He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now ..Today
was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was
running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at
the same time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."
The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two
patients do. The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell
happened to youuuuuu.....?"
"Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor"
World's tallest, coldest, greenest hotels
For travellers who like a hotel with a superlative attached, online hotel specialist hotels.com has come with a list of record-breaking hotels.
The hotels featured by Hotels.com (http://www.hotels.com/), part of the Expedia Inc group, all have the "-est" factor. Reuters had not endorsed this list:
1. World's Tallest Hotel: Burj Al Arab - Dubai
Currently the tallest operating hotel in the world until it is surpassed by Dubai's Rose Tower later this year, the Burj Al Arab stands 321 metres (1,050 feet) high. A self-rated 7 star hotel built on a man-made island 280 metres from shore, Burj Al Arab also boasts its own Rolls Royce fleet, Versace bedspreads, and private shopper and helicopter landing platform.
2. World's Largest Hotel (by no. of rooms): The Palazzo Resort Hotel & Casino - Las Vegas, USA
The Palazzo Resort Hotel & Casino, which operates under the same license as The Venetian hotel next door, has 8,108 rooms combined. The hotel is like a mini city, with a large selection of restaurants, fashion stores, its own casino, and seven pools.
3. World's Oldest Hotel: Hoshi Ryokan - Komatsu, Japan
The Hoshi Ryokan has been in operation for over 1,300 years. The 100-room hotel has been run by the same family for 46 generations.
4. World's Most Expensive Hotel Room: Royal Villa at Grand Resort Lagonissi - Athens, Greece
Featuring a dedicated butler, chef and pianist, the Royal Villa at Grand Resort Lagonissi is the world's most expensive hotel room at $50,000 a night. The room overlooks the Aegean Sea, which you can view from a private pool with a hydro massage device. The resort also has a private Lear jet.
5. World's Most Expensive Hotel to Build: Emirates Palace - Abu Dhabi
The Emirates Palace in Abu Dhabi, which opened in 2005, cost over $3 billion to build with silver, gold and marble used throughout the hotel and the 1,002 chandeliers made from Swarovski crystals.
6. World's Largest Hotel Room: Royal Suite in the Grand Hills Hotel & Spa - Broummana, Lebanon
The Royal Suite in the Grand Hills Hotel & Spa is set over six floors for a total 8,000 square metres (86,110 sq ft) with half of this living space and the rest two swimming pools, a garden, terrace and pavilions.
7. World's Coldest Hotel: Icehotel - Jukkasjarvi, Sweden
The Icehotel has rooms built entirely from ice and snow, decorated with handcrafted ice art and sculptures, an ice chapel licensed for marriages and baptisms, and two restaurants serving a range of Lappish and Swedish dishes. Activities include snowmobile trips, northern lights tours, and dog sled tours.
8. World's Highest Hotel (floor height): Park Hyatt - Shanghai, China
The Park Hyatt in Shanghai occupies floors 79 to 93 of the 101 story Shanghai World Finance Centre with views over the Huangpu River and the city skyline and located in the heart of Lujiazui business district in Pudong.
9. World's Highest Hotel (altitude above sea level): Hotel Everest View - Nepal
The Hotel Everest View is 3,880 metres (12,730 ft) above sea level and is set in the Sagarmatha National Park. All rooms have views of Mount Everest standing at 8,848 metres (29,030 ft) and the only direct access is by chartered helicopter.
10. World's Most Eco-Friendly Hotel: Daintree Eco Lodge & Spa - Queensland, Australia
Set in the world's oldest rainforest, Daintree Eco Lodge & Spa has 15 villas nestled inside the Daintree Rainforest, and is committed to complying with sustainable tourism standards. Practices in place include using solar power, low energy lights and an organic farm to grow its own produce.
The hotels featured by Hotels.com (http://www.hotels.com/), part of the Expedia Inc group, all have the "-est" factor. Reuters had not endorsed this list:
1. World's Tallest Hotel: Burj Al Arab - Dubai
Currently the tallest operating hotel in the world until it is surpassed by Dubai's Rose Tower later this year, the Burj Al Arab stands 321 metres (1,050 feet) high. A self-rated 7 star hotel built on a man-made island 280 metres from shore, Burj Al Arab also boasts its own Rolls Royce fleet, Versace bedspreads, and private shopper and helicopter landing platform.
2. World's Largest Hotel (by no. of rooms): The Palazzo Resort Hotel & Casino - Las Vegas, USA
The Palazzo Resort Hotel & Casino, which operates under the same license as The Venetian hotel next door, has 8,108 rooms combined. The hotel is like a mini city, with a large selection of restaurants, fashion stores, its own casino, and seven pools.
3. World's Oldest Hotel: Hoshi Ryokan - Komatsu, Japan
The Hoshi Ryokan has been in operation for over 1,300 years. The 100-room hotel has been run by the same family for 46 generations.
4. World's Most Expensive Hotel Room: Royal Villa at Grand Resort Lagonissi - Athens, Greece
Featuring a dedicated butler, chef and pianist, the Royal Villa at Grand Resort Lagonissi is the world's most expensive hotel room at $50,000 a night. The room overlooks the Aegean Sea, which you can view from a private pool with a hydro massage device. The resort also has a private Lear jet.
5. World's Most Expensive Hotel to Build: Emirates Palace - Abu Dhabi
The Emirates Palace in Abu Dhabi, which opened in 2005, cost over $3 billion to build with silver, gold and marble used throughout the hotel and the 1,002 chandeliers made from Swarovski crystals.
6. World's Largest Hotel Room: Royal Suite in the Grand Hills Hotel & Spa - Broummana, Lebanon
The Royal Suite in the Grand Hills Hotel & Spa is set over six floors for a total 8,000 square metres (86,110 sq ft) with half of this living space and the rest two swimming pools, a garden, terrace and pavilions.
7. World's Coldest Hotel: Icehotel - Jukkasjarvi, Sweden
The Icehotel has rooms built entirely from ice and snow, decorated with handcrafted ice art and sculptures, an ice chapel licensed for marriages and baptisms, and two restaurants serving a range of Lappish and Swedish dishes. Activities include snowmobile trips, northern lights tours, and dog sled tours.
8. World's Highest Hotel (floor height): Park Hyatt - Shanghai, China
The Park Hyatt in Shanghai occupies floors 79 to 93 of the 101 story Shanghai World Finance Centre with views over the Huangpu River and the city skyline and located in the heart of Lujiazui business district in Pudong.
9. World's Highest Hotel (altitude above sea level): Hotel Everest View - Nepal
The Hotel Everest View is 3,880 metres (12,730 ft) above sea level and is set in the Sagarmatha National Park. All rooms have views of Mount Everest standing at 8,848 metres (29,030 ft) and the only direct access is by chartered helicopter.
10. World's Most Eco-Friendly Hotel: Daintree Eco Lodge & Spa - Queensland, Australia
Set in the world's oldest rainforest, Daintree Eco Lodge & Spa has 15 villas nestled inside the Daintree Rainforest, and is committed to complying with sustainable tourism standards. Practices in place include using solar power, low energy lights and an organic farm to grow its own produce.
Put the Glass Down Today:
When you leave office today
Study this small story, Hope that makes a BIG change in YOU
Professor began his class by holding up a glass with some water in it.
He held it up for all to see & asked the students
“How much do you think this glass weighs?”
'50gms!’.... '100gms!' .....'125gms' ...the students answered.
“I really don't know unless I weigh it,” said the professor, “but, my question is:
What would happen if I held it up like this for a few minutes?”
'Nothing' …..The students said.
'Ok what would happen if I held it up like this for an hour?' the professor asked.
'Your arm would begin to ache' said one of the students.
“You're right, now what would happen if I held it for a day?”
“Your arm could go numb; you might have severe muscle stress & paralysis & have to go to hospital for sure!”….. Ventured another student & all the students laughed
“Very good”
But during all this, did the weight of the glass change?” asked the professor.
'No‘…. was the answer.
“Then what caused the arm ache & the muscle stress?”
The students were puzzled.
“What should I do now to come out of pain?” asked professor again.
“Put the glass down!” said one of the students..
“Exactly!” said the professor.
Life's problems are something like this.
Hold it for a few minutes in your head & they seem OK.
Think of them for a long time & they begin to ache.
Hold it even longer & they begin to paralyze you. You will not be able to do anything.
It's important to think of the challenges or problems in your life, but
EVEN MORE IMPORTANT is to ‘PUT THEM DOWN' at the end of every day before you go to sleep.
That way, you are not stressed, you wake up every day fresh &strong & can handle any issue, any challenge that comes your way!
So, when you leave office today, remember to
'PUT THE GLASS DOWN TODAY! '
Study this small story, Hope that makes a BIG change in YOU
Professor began his class by holding up a glass with some water in it.
He held it up for all to see & asked the students
“How much do you think this glass weighs?”
'50gms!’.... '100gms!' .....'125gms' ...the students answered.
“I really don't know unless I weigh it,” said the professor, “but, my question is:
What would happen if I held it up like this for a few minutes?”
'Nothing' …..The students said.
'Ok what would happen if I held it up like this for an hour?' the professor asked.
'Your arm would begin to ache' said one of the students.
“You're right, now what would happen if I held it for a day?”
“Your arm could go numb; you might have severe muscle stress & paralysis & have to go to hospital for sure!”….. Ventured another student & all the students laughed
“Very good”
But during all this, did the weight of the glass change?” asked the professor.
'No‘…. was the answer.
“Then what caused the arm ache & the muscle stress?”
The students were puzzled.
“What should I do now to come out of pain?” asked professor again.
“Put the glass down!” said one of the students..
“Exactly!” said the professor.
Life's problems are something like this.
Hold it for a few minutes in your head & they seem OK.
Think of them for a long time & they begin to ache.
Hold it even longer & they begin to paralyze you. You will not be able to do anything.
It's important to think of the challenges or problems in your life, but
EVEN MORE IMPORTANT is to ‘PUT THEM DOWN' at the end of every day before you go to sleep.
That way, you are not stressed, you wake up every day fresh &strong & can handle any issue, any challenge that comes your way!
So, when you leave office today, remember to
'PUT THE GLASS DOWN TODAY! '
Friday, August 28, 2009
3 PARROTS.........
A man wanted to buy his son a parrot as a birthday present. The next day he went to the pet shop and saw three identical parrots in a cage. He asked the clerk, "how much for the parrot on the right?
The owner said it was Rs. 2500.
"Rs. 2500.", the man said. "Well what does he do?
"He knows how to use all of the functions of Microsoft Office 2000, responds the clerk.
"He can do all of your spreadsheets and type all of your letters."
The man then asked what the second parrot cost.
The clerk replied, Rs. 5000, but he not only knows Office 2000,
but is an expert computer programmer.
Finally, the man inquired about the cost of the last parrot.
The clerk replied, "Rs. 10,000."
Curious as to how a bird can cost Rs. 10,000, the man asked what this bird's specialty was.
The clerk replies, "Well to be honest I haven't seen him do anything.
But the other two call him "BOSS"!!
The owner said it was Rs. 2500.
"Rs. 2500.", the man said. "Well what does he do?
"He knows how to use all of the functions of Microsoft Office 2000, responds the clerk.
"He can do all of your spreadsheets and type all of your letters."
The man then asked what the second parrot cost.
The clerk replied, Rs. 5000, but he not only knows Office 2000,
but is an expert computer programmer.
Finally, the man inquired about the cost of the last parrot.
The clerk replied, "Rs. 10,000."
Curious as to how a bird can cost Rs. 10,000, the man asked what this bird's specialty was.
The clerk replies, "Well to be honest I haven't seen him do anything.
But the other two call him "BOSS"!!
The Drunkard....
Police arrested a drunkard & asked: Where r u going?
Man: I'm going 2 listen lecture on ill effects of drinking.
Cop: Who'll lecture at midnight?
Man: My wife...
Man: I'm going 2 listen lecture on ill effects of drinking.
Cop: Who'll lecture at midnight?
Man: My wife...
Monday, August 24, 2009
Santa Singh's Wife Pregnent
Santa Singh's wife was expecting and the baby was due any day. Santa was very
confident it would be a boy and was looking forward to the D-day. As fate would have
it, he was transferred to another city and had to join office immediately. Before
going, he asked his father-in-law to send a telegram confirming birth of his son.
But in order to avoid giving party to his office colleagues, he asks his father
-in-law to write "the watch has arrived" and he will understand that the son is born.
The D-day arrived. His wife delivered a cute little baby girl. Now Santa's father-
in-law didn't know what to do.. If he writes "the watch has arrived" Santa will
think he has got a Son. If he writes " watch has not arrived" Santa will get worried
that something serious has happened. But being a very intelligent person,he finds a
solution and sends the telegram.
Santa received the telegram, opened it eagerly and reads "The watch has arrived, but
the pendulum is missing".
confident it would be a boy and was looking forward to the D-day. As fate would have
it, he was transferred to another city and had to join office immediately. Before
going, he asked his father-in-law to send a telegram confirming birth of his son.
But in order to avoid giving party to his office colleagues, he asks his father
-in-law to write "the watch has arrived" and he will understand that the son is born.
The D-day arrived. His wife delivered a cute little baby girl. Now Santa's father-
in-law didn't know what to do.. If he writes "the watch has arrived" Santa will
think he has got a Son. If he writes " watch has not arrived" Santa will get worried
that something serious has happened. But being a very intelligent person,he finds a
solution and sends the telegram.
Santa received the telegram, opened it eagerly and reads "The watch has arrived, but
the pendulum is missing".
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Indian Political parties and their symbols
Q: Why is the Samajwadi Party's symbol 'Cycle'?
A: Because after a ban on English and use of computers, that's all we'll be able to afford.
Q: Why is the Congress party's symbol 'Hand'?
A: To remind Indians that our fate is forever in the hand of one family!
Q: Why is BJP Symbol 'Lotus'?
A: Lotus is the symbol of Sarawasti and learning. BJP will educate us through the wisdom of Varun Gandhi and Pravin Togadia.
Q: Why is Mayawati's symbol 'Elephant'?
A: It's a self portrait.
Q: Why is Jayalalitha's symbol 'Two leaves'?
A: Because that's what remained after Amma ate up all the fruit.
Q: Why is DMK's symbol 'Sun'?
A: So that Karunanidhi can justify wearing shades indoors.
Q: Why is Lalu's symbol 'Lantern'?
A: Because there's no electricity in Bihar.
Q: Why is CPM's symbol 'Hammer and Sickle'?
A: Because that's what you will be using if they come to power.
Q: Why is Sharad Pawar's symbol 'Clock'?
A: Because his time never seems to comes.
Q: Why is Shiv Sena's symbol 'Bow and Arrow'?
A: I can tell you, but then I'll have to shoot you!
A: Because after a ban on English and use of computers, that's all we'll be able to afford.
Q: Why is the Congress party's symbol 'Hand'?
A: To remind Indians that our fate is forever in the hand of one family!
Q: Why is BJP Symbol 'Lotus'?
A: Lotus is the symbol of Sarawasti and learning. BJP will educate us through the wisdom of Varun Gandhi and Pravin Togadia.
Q: Why is Mayawati's symbol 'Elephant'?
A: It's a self portrait.
Q: Why is Jayalalitha's symbol 'Two leaves'?
A: Because that's what remained after Amma ate up all the fruit.
Q: Why is DMK's symbol 'Sun'?
A: So that Karunanidhi can justify wearing shades indoors.
Q: Why is Lalu's symbol 'Lantern'?
A: Because there's no electricity in Bihar.
Q: Why is CPM's symbol 'Hammer and Sickle'?
A: Because that's what you will be using if they come to power.
Q: Why is Sharad Pawar's symbol 'Clock'?
A: Because his time never seems to comes.
Q: Why is Shiv Sena's symbol 'Bow and Arrow'?
A: I can tell you, but then I'll have to shoot you!
Saturday, August 15, 2009
10 home remedies to avoid swine flu
Are the rising swine flu casualties giving you jitters? Not sure how you can avoid falling prey to the growing epidemic? First and foremost,
there is absolutely no need to panic.
Watching television to keep tabs on the progress of H1N1, particularly in the badly affected areas like Pune, is all right. But don't let the hysterical anchors get under your skin and start wearing a mask each time you step out of the house, unless you are visiting a very crowded area. Then too, the mask will protect you only for a specified period.
Without giving in to the swine flu panic and creating a stockpile of Tamiflu and N-95 masks at home and enriching pharma companies, there are a number of other measures you can take to ensure that the virus is not able to get you, irrespective of which part of the world you are in.
It is essential to remember that all kinds of viruses and bacteria can attack you when your immune system is weak, or they can weaken it easily. Hence, building your own defences would be a better, more practical, long-lasting and much more economical idea.
Here are some easy steps you can take to tackle a flu virus of any kind, including swine flu. It is not necessary to follow all the steps at once. You can pick and choose a combination of remedies that suit you best. However, if you are already suffering from flu, these measures can help only up to an extent. And, if you have been infected by H1N1, visiting a hospital and staying in solitary confinement is a must.
1. Have five duly washed leaves of Tulsi (known as Basil in English; medicinal name Ocimum sanctum) everyday in the morning. Tulsi has a large number of therapeutic properties. It keeps throat and lungs clear and helps in infections by way of strengthening your immunity.
2. Giloi (medicinal name Tinospora cordifolia) is a commonly available plant in many areas. Take a one-foot long branch of giloi, add five to six leaves of Tulsi and boil in water for 15-20 minutes or long enough to allow the water to extract its properties. Add black pepper and sendha (salt used during religious fasts), rock or black salt, or Misri (crystalised sugar like lumps to make it sweet) according to taste. Let it cool a bit and drink this kadha (concoction) while still warm. It will work wonders for your immunity. If giloi plant is not available, get processed giloi powder from Hamdard or others, and concoct a similar drink once a day.
3. A small piece of camphor (kapoor) approximately the size of a tablet should be taken once or twice a month. It can be swallowed with water by adults while children can take it along with mashed potatoes or banana because they will find it difficult to have it without any aides. Please remember camphor is not to be taken everyday, but only once each season, or once a month.
4. Those who can take garlic, must have two pods of raw garlic first thing in the morning. To be swallowed daily with lukewarm water. Garlic too strengthens immunity like the earlier measures mentioned.
5. Those not allergic to milk, must take a glass of hot or lukewarm milk every night with a small measure of haldi (turmeric).
6. Aloe vera (gwarpatha) too is a commonly available plant. Its thick and long, cactus-like leaves have an odourless gel. A teaspoon gel taken with water daily can work wonders for not only your skin and joint pains, but also boost immunity.
7. Take homeopathic medicines — Pyrogenium 200 and Inflenzium 200 in particular — five tablets three times a day, or two-three drops three times a day. While these are not specifically targeted at H1N1 either, these work well as preventive against common flu virus.
8. Do Pranayam daily (preferably under guidance if you are already not initiated into it) and go for morning jog/walk regularly to keep your throat and lungs in good condition and body in fine fettle. Even in small measures, it will work wonders for your body’s resistance against all such diseases which attack the nose, throat and lungs, besides keeping you fit.
9. Have citrus fruits, particularly Vitamin C rich Amla (Indian gooseberry) juice. Since fresh Amla is not yet available in the market (not for another three to four months), it is not a bad idea to buy packaged Amla juice which is commonly available nowadays.
10. Last but not the least, wash your hands frequently every day with soap and warm water for 15-20 seconds; especially before meals, or each time after touching a surface that you suspect could be contaminated with flu virus such as a door handle or a knob/handle, especially if you have returned from a public place or used public transport. Alcohol-based hand cleaners should be kept handy at all times and used until you can get soap and warm water.
(The author is an avid reader and follower of alternative therapies including spiritual healing, ayurveda, yoga and homeopathy)
there is absolutely no need to panic.
Watching television to keep tabs on the progress of H1N1, particularly in the badly affected areas like Pune, is all right. But don't let the hysterical anchors get under your skin and start wearing a mask each time you step out of the house, unless you are visiting a very crowded area. Then too, the mask will protect you only for a specified period.
Without giving in to the swine flu panic and creating a stockpile of Tamiflu and N-95 masks at home and enriching pharma companies, there are a number of other measures you can take to ensure that the virus is not able to get you, irrespective of which part of the world you are in.
It is essential to remember that all kinds of viruses and bacteria can attack you when your immune system is weak, or they can weaken it easily. Hence, building your own defences would be a better, more practical, long-lasting and much more economical idea.
Here are some easy steps you can take to tackle a flu virus of any kind, including swine flu. It is not necessary to follow all the steps at once. You can pick and choose a combination of remedies that suit you best. However, if you are already suffering from flu, these measures can help only up to an extent. And, if you have been infected by H1N1, visiting a hospital and staying in solitary confinement is a must.
1. Have five duly washed leaves of Tulsi (known as Basil in English; medicinal name Ocimum sanctum) everyday in the morning. Tulsi has a large number of therapeutic properties. It keeps throat and lungs clear and helps in infections by way of strengthening your immunity.
2. Giloi (medicinal name Tinospora cordifolia) is a commonly available plant in many areas. Take a one-foot long branch of giloi, add five to six leaves of Tulsi and boil in water for 15-20 minutes or long enough to allow the water to extract its properties. Add black pepper and sendha (salt used during religious fasts), rock or black salt, or Misri (crystalised sugar like lumps to make it sweet) according to taste. Let it cool a bit and drink this kadha (concoction) while still warm. It will work wonders for your immunity. If giloi plant is not available, get processed giloi powder from Hamdard or others, and concoct a similar drink once a day.
3. A small piece of camphor (kapoor) approximately the size of a tablet should be taken once or twice a month. It can be swallowed with water by adults while children can take it along with mashed potatoes or banana because they will find it difficult to have it without any aides. Please remember camphor is not to be taken everyday, but only once each season, or once a month.
4. Those who can take garlic, must have two pods of raw garlic first thing in the morning. To be swallowed daily with lukewarm water. Garlic too strengthens immunity like the earlier measures mentioned.
5. Those not allergic to milk, must take a glass of hot or lukewarm milk every night with a small measure of haldi (turmeric).
6. Aloe vera (gwarpatha) too is a commonly available plant. Its thick and long, cactus-like leaves have an odourless gel. A teaspoon gel taken with water daily can work wonders for not only your skin and joint pains, but also boost immunity.
7. Take homeopathic medicines — Pyrogenium 200 and Inflenzium 200 in particular — five tablets three times a day, or two-three drops three times a day. While these are not specifically targeted at H1N1 either, these work well as preventive against common flu virus.
8. Do Pranayam daily (preferably under guidance if you are already not initiated into it) and go for morning jog/walk regularly to keep your throat and lungs in good condition and body in fine fettle. Even in small measures, it will work wonders for your body’s resistance against all such diseases which attack the nose, throat and lungs, besides keeping you fit.
9. Have citrus fruits, particularly Vitamin C rich Amla (Indian gooseberry) juice. Since fresh Amla is not yet available in the market (not for another three to four months), it is not a bad idea to buy packaged Amla juice which is commonly available nowadays.
10. Last but not the least, wash your hands frequently every day with soap and warm water for 15-20 seconds; especially before meals, or each time after touching a surface that you suspect could be contaminated with flu virus such as a door handle or a knob/handle, especially if you have returned from a public place or used public transport. Alcohol-based hand cleaners should be kept handy at all times and used until you can get soap and warm water.
(The author is an avid reader and follower of alternative therapies including spiritual healing, ayurveda, yoga and homeopathy)
Friday, August 14, 2009
Three answers most feared by men
1. (Whatever)
Men: What to have for dinner?
Women: Whatever..
Men: Why not we have steamboat?
Women: Don't want, eat steamboat later got pimples in my face
Men: Alright, why not we have Si Chuan cuisine
Women: Yesterday ate Si Chuan, today eat again?
Men: Hmm..... I suggest we have seafood
Women: Seafood no good, later I got diarrhea
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women : Whatever..
2. (Anything)
Men: So what should we do now?
Women: Anything
Men: How about watching movie? Long time we didn't watch movie
Women: Watching movie no good, waste time only
Men: How about we play bowling, do some exercises?
Women: Exercise in such hot day? You not feel tire meh?
Men: Then find a café and have drink
Women: Drink coffee will affect my sleep
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: Anything
3. (You decide)
Men: Then we just go home
Women: You decide
Men: Let take bus, I will accompany you
Women: Bus is dirty and crowded. Don't want
Men: Ok we will take Taxi
Women: Not worth it... for such a short distance
Men: Alright, then we walk. Take a slow walk
Women: What to walk with empty stomach woh?
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: You decide
Men: Let's have dinner first
Women: Whatever...
Men: Eat what?
Women: Anything
Men: What to have for dinner?
Women: Whatever..
Men: Why not we have steamboat?
Women: Don't want, eat steamboat later got pimples in my face
Men: Alright, why not we have Si Chuan cuisine
Women: Yesterday ate Si Chuan, today eat again?
Men: Hmm..... I suggest we have seafood
Women: Seafood no good, later I got diarrhea
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women : Whatever..
2. (Anything)
Men: So what should we do now?
Women: Anything
Men: How about watching movie? Long time we didn't watch movie
Women: Watching movie no good, waste time only
Men: How about we play bowling, do some exercises?
Women: Exercise in such hot day? You not feel tire meh?
Men: Then find a café and have drink
Women: Drink coffee will affect my sleep
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: Anything
3. (You decide)
Men: Then we just go home
Women: You decide
Men: Let take bus, I will accompany you
Women: Bus is dirty and crowded. Don't want
Men: Ok we will take Taxi
Women: Not worth it... for such a short distance
Men: Alright, then we walk. Take a slow walk
Women: What to walk with empty stomach woh?
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: You decide
Men: Let's have dinner first
Women: Whatever...
Men: Eat what?
Women: Anything
Weird AMERICAN Life
See how the life in America can be confusing sometimes!
Many, many years ago When I was twenty-four, I got married to a widow, Pretty as could be. This widow had a grown-up daughter With flowing hair of red. My father fell in love with her, And soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law And changed my very life. Now my daughter was my mother, For she was my father's wife. To complicate the matters worse, Although it brought me joy. I soon became the father Of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became A brother-in-law to dad. And so became my uncle, Though it made me very sad. For if he was my uncle, Then that also made him brother to the widow's grown-up-daughter Who, of course, was my stepmother.
CONFUSED??... Relax... Go ahead..
My Father's wife then had a son, Who kept them on the run. And he became my grandson, For he was my daughter's son, My wife is now my mother's mother And it makes me blue. Because, although she is my wife, She is my grandma too.
If my wife is my grandmother, Then I am her grandchild. And every time I think of it, It simply drives me wild.
For now I have become The strangest case you ever saw. As the husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa!
Many, many years ago When I was twenty-four, I got married to a widow, Pretty as could be. This widow had a grown-up daughter With flowing hair of red. My father fell in love with her, And soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law And changed my very life. Now my daughter was my mother, For she was my father's wife. To complicate the matters worse, Although it brought me joy. I soon became the father Of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became A brother-in-law to dad. And so became my uncle, Though it made me very sad. For if he was my uncle, Then that also made him brother to the widow's grown-up-daughter Who, of course, was my stepmother.
CONFUSED??... Relax... Go ahead..
My Father's wife then had a son, Who kept them on the run. And he became my grandson, For he was my daughter's son, My wife is now my mother's mother And it makes me blue. Because, although she is my wife, She is my grandma too.
If my wife is my grandmother, Then I am her grandchild. And every time I think of it, It simply drives me wild.
For now I have become The strangest case you ever saw. As the husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa!
I never take risk while drinking
I never take risk while drinking.
When I come from office in the evening, wife is cooking. I can hear the noise of utensils in the kitchen. I stealthily enter the house. Take out the bottle from my black cupboard.
Mahatma Gandhi is looking at me from the photo frame. But still no one is aware of it.
Because I never take a risk
I take out the glass from the rack above the old sink. Quickly enjoy one peg. Wash the glass and again keep it on the rack. Of course I also keep the bottle inside my cupboard.
Mahatma Gandhi is giving a smile
I peep into the kitchen. Wife is cutting potatoes. No one is aware of what I did.
Because I never take a risk
I: Any news on Iyer's daughter's marriage.
Wife: Nope, she doesn't seem to be that lucky. Still they are looking out for her.
I again come out; there is a small noise of the black cupboard. But I don't make any sound while taking out the bottle. I take out the glass from the old rack above sink. Quickly enjoy one peg
Wash the bottle and keep it in the sink. Also keep the Black Glass in the cupboard. But still no one is aware of what I did.
Because I never take a risk
I: But still I think Iyer's daughter's age is not that much.
Wife: What are you saying? She is 28 yrs old... like an aged horse
I: (I forgot her age is 28) Oh Oh...
I again take out potatoes out from my black cupboard. But the cupboard's place has automatically changed. I take out the bottle from the rack and quickly enjoy one peg in the sink
Mahatma Gandhi laughs loudly. I keep the rack in the potatoes & wash Mahatma Gandhi's photo & keep. it in the black cupboard
Wife is keeping the sink on the stove. But still no one is aware of what I did.
Because I never take a risk
I: (getting angry) you call Mr. Iyer a horse? If you say that again, I will cut your tongue...!
Wife: Don't just blabber something, go out and sit quietly...
I take out the bottle from the potatoes. Go in the black cupboard and enjoy a peg. Wash the sink and keep it over the rack. Wife is giving a smile.
Mahatma Gandhi is still cooking. But still no one is aware of what I did.
Because I never take a risk
I: (laughing) So Iyer is marrying a horse!!
Wife: Hey go and sprinkle some water on your face...
I again go to the kitchen, and quietly sit on the rack. Stove is also on the rack. There is a small noise of bottles from the room outside
I peep and see that wife is enjoying a peg in the sink. But none of the horses are aware of what I did.
Because Mahatma Gandhi never takes a risk
Iyer is still cooking. And I am looking at my wife from the photo and laughing.
Because I never take risk ... hic!
When I come from office in the evening, wife is cooking. I can hear the noise of utensils in the kitchen. I stealthily enter the house. Take out the bottle from my black cupboard.
Mahatma Gandhi is looking at me from the photo frame. But still no one is aware of it.
Because I never take a risk
I take out the glass from the rack above the old sink. Quickly enjoy one peg. Wash the glass and again keep it on the rack. Of course I also keep the bottle inside my cupboard.
Mahatma Gandhi is giving a smile
I peep into the kitchen. Wife is cutting potatoes. No one is aware of what I did.
Because I never take a risk
I: Any news on Iyer's daughter's marriage.
Wife: Nope, she doesn't seem to be that lucky. Still they are looking out for her.
I again come out; there is a small noise of the black cupboard. But I don't make any sound while taking out the bottle. I take out the glass from the old rack above sink. Quickly enjoy one peg
Wash the bottle and keep it in the sink. Also keep the Black Glass in the cupboard. But still no one is aware of what I did.
Because I never take a risk
I: But still I think Iyer's daughter's age is not that much.
Wife: What are you saying? She is 28 yrs old... like an aged horse
I: (I forgot her age is 28) Oh Oh...
I again take out potatoes out from my black cupboard. But the cupboard's place has automatically changed. I take out the bottle from the rack and quickly enjoy one peg in the sink
Mahatma Gandhi laughs loudly. I keep the rack in the potatoes & wash Mahatma Gandhi's photo & keep. it in the black cupboard
Wife is keeping the sink on the stove. But still no one is aware of what I did.
Because I never take a risk
I: (getting angry) you call Mr. Iyer a horse? If you say that again, I will cut your tongue...!
Wife: Don't just blabber something, go out and sit quietly...
I take out the bottle from the potatoes. Go in the black cupboard and enjoy a peg. Wash the sink and keep it over the rack. Wife is giving a smile.
Mahatma Gandhi is still cooking. But still no one is aware of what I did.
Because I never take a risk
I: (laughing) So Iyer is marrying a horse!!
Wife: Hey go and sprinkle some water on your face...
I again go to the kitchen, and quietly sit on the rack. Stove is also on the rack. There is a small noise of bottles from the room outside
I peep and see that wife is enjoying a peg in the sink. But none of the horses are aware of what I did.
Because Mahatma Gandhi never takes a risk
Iyer is still cooking. And I am looking at my wife from the photo and laughing.
Because I never take risk ... hic!
How the Jews got the 10 Commandments
God went to the Arabs and said, "I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better."
The Arabs asked, " What are Commandments? Can you give us an example?"
God said, " For example ........... Thou shall not kill."
The Arabs were shocked, "What? Not kill? No way! Killing and massacring innocent people is our birth-right and the only reason for our existence. No, we are not interested. "
So God went to the Africans and said, " I have Commandments."
The Africans wanted an example.
God said, "For example ........... Honor thy Father and Mother."
The Africans were dismayed. They said, " Father? Yo maan! Can't tell for sure who our fathers are, maan! "
So God went to the Mexicans and said, "I have Commandments."
The Mexicans wanted an example.
God said, " For example ........... Thou shall not steal."
The Mexicans were flabbergasted. They said, " No steal? No steal?? Hey Senor, we no steal then how we live, huh? Gracias, but no! "
So God went to the French and said, "I have Commandments."
The French wanted an example.
God said, "For example ........... Thou shall not commit adultery."
The French were stunned. They said, "What? Not commit ze adultery ....... ? Non, non, non. Non Monsieur. Pardonnez nous. We, ze French, must have ze romance. "
So God went to the Jews and said, "I have Commandments."
The Jews asked, "Commandments? How much do they cost?"
God replied, "Nothing. They are free."
The Jews answered, "Good. We shall take Ten! "
The Arabs asked, " What are Commandments? Can you give us an example?"
God said, " For example ........... Thou shall not kill."
The Arabs were shocked, "What? Not kill? No way! Killing and massacring innocent people is our birth-right and the only reason for our existence. No, we are not interested. "
So God went to the Africans and said, " I have Commandments."
The Africans wanted an example.
God said, "For example ........... Honor thy Father and Mother."
The Africans were dismayed. They said, " Father? Yo maan! Can't tell for sure who our fathers are, maan! "
So God went to the Mexicans and said, "I have Commandments."
The Mexicans wanted an example.
God said, " For example ........... Thou shall not steal."
The Mexicans were flabbergasted. They said, " No steal? No steal?? Hey Senor, we no steal then how we live, huh? Gracias, but no! "
So God went to the French and said, "I have Commandments."
The French wanted an example.
God said, "For example ........... Thou shall not commit adultery."
The French were stunned. They said, "What? Not commit ze adultery ....... ? Non, non, non. Non Monsieur. Pardonnez nous. We, ze French, must have ze romance. "
So God went to the Jews and said, "I have Commandments."
The Jews asked, "Commandments? How much do they cost?"
God replied, "Nothing. They are free."
The Jews answered, "Good. We shall take Ten! "
Terrifying scrabble
Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.
(Wait till you see the last one)!
DILIP VENGSARKAR
When you rearrange the letters:
SPARKLING DRIVE
PRINCESS DIANA
When you rearrange the letters:
END IS A CAR SPIN
MONICA LEWINSKY
When you rearrange the letters:
NICE SILKY WOMAN
ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER
DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT
THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE
GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE
THE MORSE CODE
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME
ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S
A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE
AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER
(Wait till you see the last one)!
DILIP VENGSARKAR
When you rearrange the letters:
SPARKLING DRIVE
PRINCESS DIANA
When you rearrange the letters:
END IS A CAR SPIN
MONICA LEWINSKY
When you rearrange the letters:
NICE SILKY WOMAN
ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER
DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT
THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE
GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE
THE MORSE CODE
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME
ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S
A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE
AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER
Lemon Squeeze at the bar
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man
around that they had a standing Rs 10,000 bet. The bartender would
squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the
lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice
out would win the money.
Many people had tried over time but nobody could do it. One day,
a scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses.
"I'd like to try the bet," he said in a tiny, squeaky voice.
After the laughter had died down, the bartender grabbed a lemon,
and squeezed away. He handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to
the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as
the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into
the glass.
As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the Rs 10,000 and asked
the little man what he did for a living. Was he a lumberjack,
or a weightlifter, or what?
"I work for the Income Tax department."
around that they had a standing Rs 10,000 bet. The bartender would
squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the
lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice
out would win the money.
Many people had tried over time but nobody could do it. One day,
a scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses.
"I'd like to try the bet," he said in a tiny, squeaky voice.
After the laughter had died down, the bartender grabbed a lemon,
and squeezed away. He handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to
the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as
the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into
the glass.
As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the Rs 10,000 and asked
the little man what he did for a living. Was he a lumberjack,
or a weightlifter, or what?
"I work for the Income Tax department."
Solution to the crisis -- Great one !
It is August. In a small town on the South Coast of France, holiday season is in full swing, but it is raining so there is not too much business happening.
Everyone is heavily in debt. Luckily, a rich Russian tourist arrives in the foyer of the small local hotel.
He asks for a room and puts a Euro100 note on the reception counter, takes a key and goes to inspect the room located up the stairs on the third floor.
The hotel owner takes the banknote in a hurry and rushes to his meat supplier to whom he owes E100.
The butcher takes the money and races to his supplier to pay his debt.
The wholesaler rushes to the farmer to pay Euro 100 for pigs he purchased some time ago.
The farmer triumphantly gives the Euro 100 note to a local prostitute who gave him her services on credit.
The prostitute goes quickly to the hotel, as she was owing the hotel for her hourly room use to entertain clients.
At that moment, the rich Russian is coming down to reception and informs the hotel owner that the proposed room is unsatisfactory and takes his Euro 100 back and departs.
There was no profit or income.
But everyone no longer has any debt and the small townspeople look optimistically towards their future.
COULD THIS BE THE SOLUTION TO THE Global Financial Crisis?
Everyone is heavily in debt. Luckily, a rich Russian tourist arrives in the foyer of the small local hotel.
He asks for a room and puts a Euro100 note on the reception counter, takes a key and goes to inspect the room located up the stairs on the third floor.
The hotel owner takes the banknote in a hurry and rushes to his meat supplier to whom he owes E100.
The butcher takes the money and races to his supplier to pay his debt.
The wholesaler rushes to the farmer to pay Euro 100 for pigs he purchased some time ago.
The farmer triumphantly gives the Euro 100 note to a local prostitute who gave him her services on credit.
The prostitute goes quickly to the hotel, as she was owing the hotel for her hourly room use to entertain clients.
At that moment, the rich Russian is coming down to reception and informs the hotel owner that the proposed room is unsatisfactory and takes his Euro 100 back and departs.
There was no profit or income.
But everyone no longer has any debt and the small townspeople look optimistically towards their future.
COULD THIS BE THE SOLUTION TO THE Global Financial Crisis?
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Learning Alfabet The Punjabi Way!
Say them out loud :)
A is for Aiscreame
B is for Backside, and it has nothing to do with your butt. It is an instruction to go to the rear of a building, or block, or shop or whatever.
C is for Cloney and its not a process for replicating sheep, nor is its first name George. It is merely an area where people live e.g. 'Defence Cloney'.
D is for the proverbial 'Dangar da Puttar'
E is for Expanditure, the spending of money
F is for Fackade, and even though it sounds like a bad word it is actually just the front of a building
G is for Gaddi, and the way a Punjabi can pilot his gaddi puts any F1 driver to shame.
H is for 'Ho Jayega Ji', and the moment you hear that you have to be careful because you can be reasonably sure it's not going to happen.
I is for Intzaar, and to know more about it see P.
J is for Jutt, which every Punjabi seems to be.
K is for Khanna, Khurana, etc, the Punjabi equivalent of the Joneses
(e.g.'Keeping up with the Khuranas ji')
L is for Loin, the king of the jungle
M is for 'Mrooti', the car that an entire generation of Punjabis were in love with.
N is for 'No Problem Ji.' To find out how that works see H.
O is for Oye, which can be surprise (Oyye!), a greeting (Oyy!), anger (OYY!) or pain (Oy oy oy...).
P is for Punj Mint, and no matter how near (1 km) or far(100 km) a Punjabi is from you he always says he'll reach you in punj mint (5 minutes...).
Q is for Queue, a word completely untranslatable into Punjabi - does not exist in the culture.
R is for Riks, and a Punjabi is always prepared to take one (risk), even if the odds are against him.
S is for Sweetie, Sunny, Simmi and Sonu, who seem to own half the cars in Delhi .
T is for the official bird of Punjab : Tandoori Chickun.
U is for when you lose your sex appeal and become 'Uncul-ji'
V is for VIP phone numbers @ Rs 2 lakhs and counting.
W is for Whan, as in 'Whan are you coming, ji?'
X is for the many X-rated words that flow freely in Punjabi conversations.
Y is for 'You nonsanse', when anger replaces vocabulary
A is for Aiscreame
B is for Backside, and it has nothing to do with your butt. It is an instruction to go to the rear of a building, or block, or shop or whatever.
C is for Cloney and its not a process for replicating sheep, nor is its first name George. It is merely an area where people live e.g. 'Defence Cloney'.
D is for the proverbial 'Dangar da Puttar'
E is for Expanditure, the spending of money
F is for Fackade, and even though it sounds like a bad word it is actually just the front of a building
G is for Gaddi, and the way a Punjabi can pilot his gaddi puts any F1 driver to shame.
H is for 'Ho Jayega Ji', and the moment you hear that you have to be careful because you can be reasonably sure it's not going to happen.
I is for Intzaar, and to know more about it see P.
J is for Jutt, which every Punjabi seems to be.
K is for Khanna, Khurana, etc, the Punjabi equivalent of the Joneses
(e.g.'Keeping up with the Khuranas ji')
L is for Loin, the king of the jungle
M is for 'Mrooti', the car that an entire generation of Punjabis were in love with.
N is for 'No Problem Ji.' To find out how that works see H.
O is for Oye, which can be surprise (Oyye!), a greeting (Oyy!), anger (OYY!) or pain (Oy oy oy...).
P is for Punj Mint, and no matter how near (1 km) or far(100 km) a Punjabi is from you he always says he'll reach you in punj mint (5 minutes...).
Q is for Queue, a word completely untranslatable into Punjabi - does not exist in the culture.
R is for Riks, and a Punjabi is always prepared to take one (risk), even if the odds are against him.
S is for Sweetie, Sunny, Simmi and Sonu, who seem to own half the cars in Delhi .
T is for the official bird of Punjab : Tandoori Chickun.
U is for when you lose your sex appeal and become 'Uncul-ji'
V is for VIP phone numbers @ Rs 2 lakhs and counting.
W is for Whan, as in 'Whan are you coming, ji?'
X is for the many X-rated words that flow freely in Punjabi conversations.
Y is for 'You nonsanse', when anger replaces vocabulary
A PRAYER
"Dear God.
This year please send clothes for all those poor ladies in Daddy's computer.
Amen."
This year please send clothes for all those poor ladies in Daddy's computer.
Amen."
Think Before you speak to a woman
A timely piece of advice …
Last night my wife and I were sitting in the living room, talking about life...
In-between, we talked about the idea of living or dying.
I said to her:
'Dear, never let me live in a vegetative state, totally dependent on machines and liquids from a bottle.
If you see me in that state I want you to disconnect all the contraptions that are keeping me alive, I'd much rather die'.
Then my wife got up from the sofa with this real look of admiration towards me...and proceeded to disconnect the TV, the Cable, the Dish, the DVD, the Computer, the Cell Phone, the iPod, and the Xbox, and then went to the fridge and threw away all my beer!!
I ALMOST DIED !!!
Last night my wife and I were sitting in the living room, talking about life...
In-between, we talked about the idea of living or dying.
I said to her:
'Dear, never let me live in a vegetative state, totally dependent on machines and liquids from a bottle.
If you see me in that state I want you to disconnect all the contraptions that are keeping me alive, I'd much rather die'.
Then my wife got up from the sofa with this real look of admiration towards me...and proceeded to disconnect the TV, the Cable, the Dish, the DVD, the Computer, the Cell Phone, the iPod, and the Xbox, and then went to the fridge and threw away all my beer!!
I ALMOST DIED !!!
Bombay Spirit
This can happen only in our Bombay....no where else. Read on.....
Only local train passengers in Bombay will know how helpful commuters
try to be...... Last week, a hapless victim fell prey to the over enthusiastic Bombay's local train commuters.
Our hero, a man from Hyderabad, wanted to go to Matunga, but as luck and Trains would have it, boarded a fast train not halting at his destination. He panicked on realizing his mistake but by then the local had started moving. On seeing his plight, a sympathetic co-passenger decided to come to his rescue.
It seemed that he had been commuting by that particular train (6:03 pm Dombivli Fast from Bombay VT) for the past 6 years and had noticed that the train always slowed down just before Matunga station and crawled at a snail's pace while passing through it. He told the man to jump out of the running train as it slowed down and that with a little bit of fleet-footedness, he would make it safely on terra firma. However, knowing the man's inexperience, he added some words of caution:
"Keep running the moment you jump or you'll fall. Just keep running." He stressed the word "running" lest the man not know the laws of motion.
The train did slow down just before Matunga station and at the prompting of His mentor, our hero jumped out of the train and started running as if allHell had broken loose.
What he didn't realise, of course, was that he was running parallel to the train instead of running away from it. Meanwhile, the train slowed down further, so that the man was running faster than the train. In the process, he reached the door of the next compartment and the footboard commuters there pulled him in thinking he was trying to board the train!
To his agony, the train picked up speed and sped past Matunga and his new
co-passengers started to congratulate him on how lucky he had been, until he told them that they had actually undone what he had done with great difficulty.
Those standing at the door of his "ex-compartment" had witnessed the whole drama and just couldn't stop laughing at the poor man's situation, while he grinned sheepishly!!!
Ae dil, hai mushkil, jeena yahaan,
Zara hatke, zara bachke,
Yeh hai Bombay meri jaan :)
Only local train passengers in Bombay will know how helpful commuters
try to be...... Last week, a hapless victim fell prey to the over enthusiastic Bombay's local train commuters.
Our hero, a man from Hyderabad, wanted to go to Matunga, but as luck and Trains would have it, boarded a fast train not halting at his destination. He panicked on realizing his mistake but by then the local had started moving. On seeing his plight, a sympathetic co-passenger decided to come to his rescue.
It seemed that he had been commuting by that particular train (6:03 pm Dombivli Fast from Bombay VT) for the past 6 years and had noticed that the train always slowed down just before Matunga station and crawled at a snail's pace while passing through it. He told the man to jump out of the running train as it slowed down and that with a little bit of fleet-footedness, he would make it safely on terra firma. However, knowing the man's inexperience, he added some words of caution:
"Keep running the moment you jump or you'll fall. Just keep running." He stressed the word "running" lest the man not know the laws of motion.
The train did slow down just before Matunga station and at the prompting of His mentor, our hero jumped out of the train and started running as if allHell had broken loose.
What he didn't realise, of course, was that he was running parallel to the train instead of running away from it. Meanwhile, the train slowed down further, so that the man was running faster than the train. In the process, he reached the door of the next compartment and the footboard commuters there pulled him in thinking he was trying to board the train!
To his agony, the train picked up speed and sped past Matunga and his new
co-passengers started to congratulate him on how lucky he had been, until he told them that they had actually undone what he had done with great difficulty.
Those standing at the door of his "ex-compartment" had witnessed the whole drama and just couldn't stop laughing at the poor man's situation, while he grinned sheepishly!!!
Ae dil, hai mushkil, jeena yahaan,
Zara hatke, zara bachke,
Yeh hai Bombay meri jaan :)
And then the fight started.
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked , 'What's on TV?'I said , 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
******************************
When I got home last night , my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...
So , I took her to a gas station..
And then the fight started...
******************************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion , and my wife
kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked my wife , 'Do you know him?'
'Yes , ' She sighed , 'He's my old boyfriend.
I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years
ago , and I hear he hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' I said to my wife , 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
******************************
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter , for some reason , took my order first.
"I'll have the strip steak , medium rare , please."
He said , "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Naaah , she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
******************************
A woman is standing & looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband ,
'I feel horrible; I look old , fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies , 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started..... .
******************************
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
Instead , she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And then the fight started....
******************************
I asked my wife , "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested , "How about the kitchen?"
And that's when the fight started....
******************************
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run , my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed..
But , somehow I always had something else to take care of first:
the truck , the car , e-mail , fishing , always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day , I found her seated in the tall grass ,
busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.
I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
'When you finish cutting the grass , ' I said , 'you might as well sweep the driveway.'
And then the fight started...
Difference between North Indian and South Indian wives
Wives from North:
1. At the time of marriage, a north Indian girl has more boyfriends than her age.
2. Before marriage, she looks almost like a bollywood heroine and after marriage you have to go around her twice to completely hug her.
3. By the time she professes her undevoted love to you, you are bankrupt because of the number of times you had to take her out to movie theatres and restaurants. And you wait longingly for her dowry.
4. The only dishes she can think of to cook is paneer butter masala, aloo sabji, aloo gobi sabji, aloo matar, aloo paneer, that after eating all those paneer and aloos you are either in the bed with chronic cholestrol or chronic gas disorder.
5. The only growth that you see later in your career is the rise in your monthly phone bill.
6. You are blinded by her love that you think that she is a blonde. Only later do you come to know that it is because of the mehandhi that she applies to cover her gray hair.
7. When you come home from office she is very busy watching "Kyonki saas bhi kabi bahu thi" that you either end up eating outside or cooking yourself.
8. You are a very "ESpecial" person to her.
9. She always thought that Madras is a state and covers the whole of south India until she met you.
10. When she says she is going to "work out" she means she is going to "Walk out"
11. She has greater number of relatives than the number of people you have in your home town.
12. The only two sentences in English that she knows are "Thank you" and "How are you"
13. She thinks Govinda can dance better than Michael Jackson.
Now Wives from South
1. Her mother looks down at you because you didn't study in IIT or Madras or Anna University .
2. Her father starts or ends every conversation with " ... I say..."
3. She shudders if you use four letter words.
4. She has long hair, neatly oiled and braided (The Dubai based Oil Well Company will negotiate with her on a 25 year contract to extract coconut oil from her hair.)
5. She uses the word 'Super' as her only superlative.
6. Her name is another name for a Goddess or a flower.
7. Her first name is longer than your first name, middle name and surname combined (unless you are from Andhra)
8. When she mixes milk - curd and rice you are never sure whether it is for the Dog or for herself.
9. For weddings, she sports a mini jasmine garden on her head and wears silk saris in the Madras heat without looking too uncomfortable while you are melting in your singlet.
10. She thinks Mohan Lal is the sexiest man alive.
11. Her favourite cricketer is Krishnamachari Srikkanth.
12. Her favourite food is dosa though she has tried North Indian snacks like Chats (pronounced like the slang for 'conversation')
13. She bursts into songs with her cousins in every movie.
14. She bores you by telling you which raaga each song you hear is based on.
15. You have to give her jewellery, though she has already got plenty of it.
16. Her thali (Mangal Sutra) weighs more than the championship belts worn by WWF wrestlers.
17. She is more educated than you.
18. Her father thinks she is much smarter than you.
1. At the time of marriage, a north Indian girl has more boyfriends than her age.
2. Before marriage, she looks almost like a bollywood heroine and after marriage you have to go around her twice to completely hug her.
3. By the time she professes her undevoted love to you, you are bankrupt because of the number of times you had to take her out to movie theatres and restaurants. And you wait longingly for her dowry.
4. The only dishes she can think of to cook is paneer butter masala, aloo sabji, aloo gobi sabji, aloo matar, aloo paneer, that after eating all those paneer and aloos you are either in the bed with chronic cholestrol or chronic gas disorder.
5. The only growth that you see later in your career is the rise in your monthly phone bill.
6. You are blinded by her love that you think that she is a blonde. Only later do you come to know that it is because of the mehandhi that she applies to cover her gray hair.
7. When you come home from office she is very busy watching "Kyonki saas bhi kabi bahu thi" that you either end up eating outside or cooking yourself.
8. You are a very "ESpecial" person to her.
9. She always thought that Madras is a state and covers the whole of south India until she met you.
10. When she says she is going to "work out" she means she is going to "Walk out"
11. She has greater number of relatives than the number of people you have in your home town.
12. The only two sentences in English that she knows are "Thank you" and "How are you"
13. She thinks Govinda can dance better than Michael Jackson.
Now Wives from South
1. Her mother looks down at you because you didn't study in IIT or Madras or Anna University .
2. Her father starts or ends every conversation with " ... I say..."
3. She shudders if you use four letter words.
4. She has long hair, neatly oiled and braided (The Dubai based Oil Well Company will negotiate with her on a 25 year contract to extract coconut oil from her hair.)
5. She uses the word 'Super' as her only superlative.
6. Her name is another name for a Goddess or a flower.
7. Her first name is longer than your first name, middle name and surname combined (unless you are from Andhra)
8. When she mixes milk - curd and rice you are never sure whether it is for the Dog or for herself.
9. For weddings, she sports a mini jasmine garden on her head and wears silk saris in the Madras heat without looking too uncomfortable while you are melting in your singlet.
10. She thinks Mohan Lal is the sexiest man alive.
11. Her favourite cricketer is Krishnamachari Srikkanth.
12. Her favourite food is dosa though she has tried North Indian snacks like Chats (pronounced like the slang for 'conversation')
13. She bursts into songs with her cousins in every movie.
14. She bores you by telling you which raaga each song you hear is based on.
15. You have to give her jewellery, though she has already got plenty of it.
16. Her thali (Mangal Sutra) weighs more than the championship belts worn by WWF wrestlers.
17. She is more educated than you.
18. Her father thinks she is much smarter than you.
How To Save The Airlines
Dump the male flight attendants.
No one wanted them in the first place.
Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers!
The attendants have gotten old and haggard-looking.
They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?
The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a "party atmosphere" going in the cabin.
And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.
Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus saving even more money.
Well, I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working and have them kick back 20% of the tips.
Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women.
Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues.
This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right - a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.
Why didn't Bush think of this?
No one wanted them in the first place.
Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers!
The attendants have gotten old and haggard-looking.
They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?
The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a "party atmosphere" going in the cabin.
And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.
Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus saving even more money.
Well, I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working and have them kick back 20% of the tips.
Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women.
Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues.
This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right - a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.
Why didn't Bush think of this?
Search for "exit" on google leads to.
A bit of related web 1.0 trivia. Back in the early Google days, the top result for the words "exit" and "exit now" was Disney.com because that's where countless porn sites were directing minors from their age verification pages in an attempt at sarcasm.
Deep Thoughts about Marriage
* There was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married and then it was too late.
* At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."
* Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished.
* Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's.
* At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."
* Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished.
* Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's.
STUPID QUESTIONS WITH THE SMART ANSWERS
BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn`t heavy.
GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what`s your phone number??
GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we`ll be the happiest couple
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don`t you ever want to improve??
BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He`d forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.
MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I`m wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.
WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in! one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.
MARY : John says I`m pretty. Andy says I`m ugly.What do u think,Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you`re pretty ugly.
1) Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".
2) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun
gives us light only in the day time when we don`t need it".
3) Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when
people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".
4) Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"
5) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called
current affairs.
6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It`s a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She`s a woman".
7) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I`ve
failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year`s
performance repeated".
Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and
stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".
9) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before
eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don`t have to, my mom is a good cook".
10) Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of
ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I`ve
treated. The others all died".
11) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day
and at the same time."
12) Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father`s
Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn`t punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."
GIRL : No thanks, it isn`t heavy.
GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what`s your phone number??
GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we`ll be the happiest couple
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don`t you ever want to improve??
BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He`d forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.
MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I`m wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.
WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in! one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.
MARY : John says I`m pretty. Andy says I`m ugly.What do u think,Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you`re pretty ugly.
1) Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".
2) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun
gives us light only in the day time when we don`t need it".
3) Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when
people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".
4) Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"
5) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called
current affairs.
6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It`s a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She`s a woman".
7) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I`ve
failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year`s
performance repeated".
Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and
stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".
9) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before
eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don`t have to, my mom is a good cook".
10) Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of
ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I`ve
treated. The others all died".
11) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day
and at the same time."
12) Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father`s
Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn`t punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."
Coincidence
Don't know if this is just a sick coincidence but....
2007 - Chinese year of the Chicken - Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of Asia
2008 - Chinese year of the Horse - Equine Influenza decimates Australian horse racing
2009 - Chinese year of the Pig - Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of pigs and people around the globe.
Has any one else noticed this?
It gets worse........
next year......
2010 - Chinese year of the Cock - what could possibly go wrong?
2007 - Chinese year of the Chicken - Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of Asia
2008 - Chinese year of the Horse - Equine Influenza decimates Australian horse racing
2009 - Chinese year of the Pig - Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of pigs and people around the globe.
Has any one else noticed this?
It gets worse........
next year......
2010 - Chinese year of the Cock - what could possibly go wrong?
What is confidence????
A hypothetical situation where 20 CEOs board an airplane and are told that
the flight that they are about to take is the first-ever to feature
pilotless technology: It is an uncrewed aircraft. Each one of the CEOs is
then told, privately, that their company's software is running the
aircraft's automatic pilot system. Nineteen of the CEOs promptly leave the
aircraft, each offering a different type of excuse.
One CEO alone remains on board the jet, seeming very calm indeed. Asked why
he is so confident in this first uncrewed flight,
he replies :
"If it is the same software that is developed by my company's IT systems department, this plane won't even take off." !!!!
That is called Confidence!
the flight that they are about to take is the first-ever to feature
pilotless technology: It is an uncrewed aircraft. Each one of the CEOs is
then told, privately, that their company's software is running the
aircraft's automatic pilot system. Nineteen of the CEOs promptly leave the
aircraft, each offering a different type of excuse.
One CEO alone remains on board the jet, seeming very calm indeed. Asked why
he is so confident in this first uncrewed flight,
he replies :
"If it is the same software that is developed by my company's IT systems department, this plane won't even take off." !!!!
That is called Confidence!
Titanic and My Life by Bill Clinton
Students at a local school were assigned to read 2 books, 'Titanic' and 'My Life' by Bill Clinton.
One student turned in the following book report, With the proposition that they were nearly identical stories!
His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report.
Titanic : Cost - $29.99
Clinton : Cost - $29.99
Titanic : Over 3 hours to read
Clinton : Over 3 hours to read
Titanic : The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton : The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Titanic : Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton : Bill is a bullshit artist..
Titanic : In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton : Ditto for Bill.
Titanic : During the ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton : Ditto for Monica.
Titanic : Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton : Let's not go there.
Titanic : Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton : Monica' s forced to return her gifts.
Titanic : Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton : Clinton doesn't remember Jack.
Titanic : Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton : Monica...ooh, let's not go there, either.
Titanic : Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton : Bill goes home to Hillary - basically the same thing.
One student turned in the following book report, With the proposition that they were nearly identical stories!
His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report.
Titanic : Cost - $29.99
Clinton : Cost - $29.99
Titanic : Over 3 hours to read
Clinton : Over 3 hours to read
Titanic : The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton : The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Titanic : Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton : Bill is a bullshit artist..
Titanic : In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton : Ditto for Bill.
Titanic : During the ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton : Ditto for Monica.
Titanic : Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton : Let's not go there.
Titanic : Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton : Monica' s forced to return her gifts.
Titanic : Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton : Clinton doesn't remember Jack.
Titanic : Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton : Monica...ooh, let's not go there, either.
Titanic : Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton : Bill goes home to Hillary - basically the same thing.
25th Wedding Anniversary
George and Harriet decided to celebrate their 25th Wedding Anniversary with a trip to Las Vegas.
When they entered the hotel/casino and registered, a sweet young woman dressed in a very short skirt became very friendly. George brushed her off.
Harriet objected, "George, that young woman was nice, and you were so rude."
"Harriet, she's a prostitute."
"I don't believe you. That sweet young thing?"
"Let's go up to our room and I'll prove it."
In their room, George called down to the desk and asked for 'Bambi' to come to room 217."Now," he said, "you hide in the bathroom with the door open just enough to hear us, OK?"
Soon, there was a knock on the door. George opened it and Bambi walked in,swinging her hips provocatively.
George asked, "How much do you charge?"
"$125 basic rate, $100 tips for special services."
Even George was taken aback. "$125? I was thinking more in the range of $25..."
Bambi laughed derisively. "You must really be a hick if you think you can buy sex for that price."
"Well," said George, "I guess we can't do business.
Goodbye..."
After she left, Harriet came out of the bathroom. She said, "I just can't believe it!"
George said, "Let's forget it. We'll go have a drink, then eat dinner."
At the bar, as they sipped their cocktails, Bambi came up behind George, pointed slyly at Harriet, and said, "See what you get for $25?"
When they entered the hotel/casino and registered, a sweet young woman dressed in a very short skirt became very friendly. George brushed her off.
Harriet objected, "George, that young woman was nice, and you were so rude."
"Harriet, she's a prostitute."
"I don't believe you. That sweet young thing?"
"Let's go up to our room and I'll prove it."
In their room, George called down to the desk and asked for 'Bambi' to come to room 217."Now," he said, "you hide in the bathroom with the door open just enough to hear us, OK?"
Soon, there was a knock on the door. George opened it and Bambi walked in,swinging her hips provocatively.
George asked, "How much do you charge?"
"$125 basic rate, $100 tips for special services."
Even George was taken aback. "$125? I was thinking more in the range of $25..."
Bambi laughed derisively. "You must really be a hick if you think you can buy sex for that price."
"Well," said George, "I guess we can't do business.
Goodbye..."
After she left, Harriet came out of the bathroom. She said, "I just can't believe it!"
George said, "Let's forget it. We'll go have a drink, then eat dinner."
At the bar, as they sipped their cocktails, Bambi came up behind George, pointed slyly at Harriet, and said, "See what you get for $25?"
Our Tax Structure
1) Qus. : What are you doing?
Ans. : Business.
Tax : PAY PROFESSIONAL TAX!
2) Qus. : What are you doing in Business?
Ans. : Selling the Goods.
Tax : PAY SALES TAX!!
3) Qus. : From where are you getting Goods?
Ans. : From other State/Abroad
Tax : PAY CENTRAL SALES TAX, CUSTOM DUTY & OCTROI!
4) Qus. : What are you getting in Selling Goods?
Ans. : Profit.
Tax : PAY INCOME TAX!
5) Qus. : How do you distribute profit ?
Ans : By way of dividend
Tax : PAY DIVIDEND DISTRIBUTION TAX
6) Qus. : Where you Manufacturing the Goods?
Ans. : Factory.
Tax : PAY EXCISE DUTY!
7) Qus. : Do you have Office / Warehouse/ Factory?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY MUNICIPAL & FIRE TAX!
8) Qus. : Do you have Staff?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY STAFF PROFESSIONAL TAX!
9) Qus. : Doing business in Millions?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY TURNOVER TAX!
Ans : No
Tax : Then pay Minimum Alternate Tax
10) Qus. : Are you taking out over 25,000 Cash from Bank?
Ans. : Yes, for Salary.
Tax : PAY CASH HANDLING TAX!
11) Qus.: Where are you taking your client for Lunch & Dinner?
Ans. : Hotel
Tax : PAY FOOD & ENTERTAINMENT TAX!
12) Qus.: Are you going Out of Station for Business?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY FRINGE BENEFIT TAX!
13) Qus.: Have you taken or given any Service/s?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY SERVICE TAX!
14) Qus.: How come you got such a Big Amount?
Ans. : Gift on birthday.
Tax : PAY GIFT TAX!
15) Qus.: Do you have any Wealth?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY WEALTH TAX!
16) Qus.: To reduce Tension, for entertainment, where are you going?
Ans. : Cinema or Resort.
Tax : PAY ENTERTAINMENT TAX!
17) Qus.: Have you purchased House?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY STAMP DUTY & REGISTRATION FEE !
18) Qus.: How you Travel?
Ans. : Bus
Tax : PAY SURCHARGE!
19) Qus.: Any Additional Tax?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY EDUCATIONAL, ADDITIONAL EDUCATIONAL & SURCHARGE ON ALL THE CENTRAL GOVT.'s TAX !!!
20) Qus.: Delayed any time Paying Any Tax?
Ans. : Yes
Ans. : Business.
Tax : PAY PROFESSIONAL TAX!
2) Qus. : What are you doing in Business?
Ans. : Selling the Goods.
Tax : PAY SALES TAX!!
3) Qus. : From where are you getting Goods?
Ans. : From other State/Abroad
Tax : PAY CENTRAL SALES TAX, CUSTOM DUTY & OCTROI!
4) Qus. : What are you getting in Selling Goods?
Ans. : Profit.
Tax : PAY INCOME TAX!
5) Qus. : How do you distribute profit ?
Ans : By way of dividend
Tax : PAY DIVIDEND DISTRIBUTION TAX
6) Qus. : Where you Manufacturing the Goods?
Ans. : Factory.
Tax : PAY EXCISE DUTY!
7) Qus. : Do you have Office / Warehouse/ Factory?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY MUNICIPAL & FIRE TAX!
8) Qus. : Do you have Staff?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY STAFF PROFESSIONAL TAX!
9) Qus. : Doing business in Millions?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY TURNOVER TAX!
Ans : No
Tax : Then pay Minimum Alternate Tax
10) Qus. : Are you taking out over 25,000 Cash from Bank?
Ans. : Yes, for Salary.
Tax : PAY CASH HANDLING TAX!
11) Qus.: Where are you taking your client for Lunch & Dinner?
Ans. : Hotel
Tax : PAY FOOD & ENTERTAINMENT TAX!
12) Qus.: Are you going Out of Station for Business?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY FRINGE BENEFIT TAX!
13) Qus.: Have you taken or given any Service/s?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY SERVICE TAX!
14) Qus.: How come you got such a Big Amount?
Ans. : Gift on birthday.
Tax : PAY GIFT TAX!
15) Qus.: Do you have any Wealth?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY WEALTH TAX!
16) Qus.: To reduce Tension, for entertainment, where are you going?
Ans. : Cinema or Resort.
Tax : PAY ENTERTAINMENT TAX!
17) Qus.: Have you purchased House?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY STAMP DUTY & REGISTRATION FEE !
18) Qus.: How you Travel?
Ans. : Bus
Tax : PAY SURCHARGE!
19) Qus.: Any Additional Tax?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY EDUCATIONAL, ADDITIONAL EDUCATIONAL & SURCHARGE ON ALL THE CENTRAL GOVT.'s TAX !!!
20) Qus.: Delayed any time Paying Any Tax?
Ans. : Yes
A Blond in Church
An Alabama pastor said to his congregation"Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."
No one moved.
The preacher continued"Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression.."
Again all was quiet.
Then slowly a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke"Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."
The preacher fell to his knees his wife fainted and the congregation roared.
No one moved.
The preacher continued"Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression.."
Again all was quiet.
Then slowly a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke"Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."
The preacher fell to his knees his wife fainted and the congregation roared.
Grandma goes to court
Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'
She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'
She again replied, ' Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'
The defense attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.'
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'
She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'
She again replied, ' Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'
The defense attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.'
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Banta & Santa Singh
Banta Singh was talking to his travel agent Santa Singh.
Banta tells Santa, " I am about ready for a vacation. Only this year, I am going to do it a little differently.
The last few years, I have been taking your advice on where to go.
Three years ago you said go to Hawaii . I went to Hawaii and my wife Gurpreet got pregnant.
Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Gurpreet got pregnant again.
Last year you suggested Tahiti and Gurpreet once again got pregnant."
Santa asks Banta "So , what are you going to do this year that is different?"
Banta smiles and says, "This year I'm taking Gurpreet with me!"
Banta tells Santa, " I am about ready for a vacation. Only this year, I am going to do it a little differently.
The last few years, I have been taking your advice on where to go.
Three years ago you said go to Hawaii . I went to Hawaii and my wife Gurpreet got pregnant.
Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Gurpreet got pregnant again.
Last year you suggested Tahiti and Gurpreet once again got pregnant."
Santa asks Banta "So , what are you going to do this year that is different?"
Banta smiles and says, "This year I'm taking Gurpreet with me!"
Riddles of Alphabets
Q: What letter of the alphabet is an insect?
A: B. (bee)
Q: What letter is a part of the head?
A: I. (eye)
Q: What letter is a drink?
A: T. (tea)
Q: What letter is a body of water?
A: C. (sea)
Q: What letter is a pronoun like "you"?
A: The letter " I "
Q: What letter is a vegetable?
A: P. (pea)
Q: What letter is an exclamation?
A: O. (oh!)
Q: What letter is looking for causes ?
A: Y. (why)
Q: What four letters frighten a thief?
A: O.I.C.U. (Oh I see you!)
Q: What comes once in a minute, twice in a moment but not once in a thousand years?
A: The letter "m".
Q: Why is the letter "T" like an island ?
A: Because it is in the middle of waTer.
Q: In what way can the letter "A" help a deaf lady?
A: It can make "her" "hear.
Q: Which is the loudest vowel?
A: The letter "I". It is always in the midst of noise
Q: What way are the letter "A" and "noon" alike?
A: Both of them are in the middle of the "day".
Q: Why is "U" the happiest letter?
A: Because it is in the middle of "fun".
Q: What word of only three syllables contains 26 letters?
A: Alphabet = (26 letters)
Q: What relatives are dependent on "you"?
A: Aunt, uncle, cousin. They all need "U".
A: B. (bee)
Q: What letter is a part of the head?
A: I. (eye)
Q: What letter is a drink?
A: T. (tea)
Q: What letter is a body of water?
A: C. (sea)
Q: What letter is a pronoun like "you"?
A: The letter " I "
Q: What letter is a vegetable?
A: P. (pea)
Q: What letter is an exclamation?
A: O. (oh!)
Q: What letter is looking for causes ?
A: Y. (why)
Q: What four letters frighten a thief?
A: O.I.C.U. (Oh I see you!)
Q: What comes once in a minute, twice in a moment but not once in a thousand years?
A: The letter "m".
Q: Why is the letter "T" like an island ?
A: Because it is in the middle of waTer.
Q: In what way can the letter "A" help a deaf lady?
A: It can make "her" "hear.
Q: Which is the loudest vowel?
A: The letter "I". It is always in the midst of noise
Q: What way are the letter "A" and "noon" alike?
A: Both of them are in the middle of the "day".
Q: Why is "U" the happiest letter?
A: Because it is in the middle of "fun".
Q: What word of only three syllables contains 26 letters?
A: Alphabet = (26 letters)
Q: What relatives are dependent on "you"?
A: Aunt, uncle, cousin. They all need "U".
Science Exam
If you need a good laugh, try reading through these children's science exam answers...
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?(Brilliant, love this!)
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs...
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. (The kid gets an A+ for this answer!)
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? ( e.g., abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does 'varicose' mean? (I do love this one...)
A: Nearby.
Q: Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarian Section.'
A: The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome.
Q: What does the word 'benign' mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?(Brilliant, love this!)
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs...
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. (The kid gets an A+ for this answer!)
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? ( e.g., abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does 'varicose' mean? (I do love this one...)
A: Nearby.
Q: Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarian Section.'
A: The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome.
Q: What does the word 'benign' mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight
Ladies Special
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter!
Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once.
TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!
We need more butter. Oh my GOD!
WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?
They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL!
I said be CAREFUL!
You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never!
Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?
Have you LOST your mind?
Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
Cheers!!!!!!!!
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter!
Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once.
TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!
We need more butter. Oh my GOD!
WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?
They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL!
I said be CAREFUL!
You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never!
Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?
Have you LOST your mind?
Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
Cheers!!!!!!!!
American Life
This American guy started the day early having set his alarm clock
(MADE IN JAPAN) for 6am.
While his coffeepot
(MADE IN CHINA)
Was shaving with his electric razor
(MADE IN HONG KONG)
He put on a dress shirt
(MADE IN SRI LANKA),
designer jeans
(MADE IN SINGAPORE)
and tennis shoes
(MADE IN KOREA)
After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet
(MADE IN INDIA)
he sat down with his calculator
(MADE IN MEXICO)
to see how much he could spend today. After setting his watch
(MADE IN TAIWAN)
to the radio
(MADE IN INDIA)
he got in his car
(MADE IN GERMANY)
filled it with GAS
(from Saudi Arabia)
and continued his search
for a good paying AMERICAN JOB.
At the end of yet another discouraging
and fruitless day checking his Computer
(Made In Malaysia),
John decided to relax for a while.
He put on his sandals
(MADE IN BRAZIL)
poured himself a glass of wine
(MADE IN FRANCE)
and turned on his TV
(MADE IN INDONESIA),
and then wondered why he can't find
a good paying job in AMERICA
AND NOW HE'S HOPING HE CAN GET HELP
FROM A PRESIDENT MADE IN KENYA!
(MADE IN JAPAN) for 6am.
While his coffeepot
(MADE IN CHINA)
Was shaving with his electric razor
(MADE IN HONG KONG)
He put on a dress shirt
(MADE IN SRI LANKA),
designer jeans
(MADE IN SINGAPORE)
and tennis shoes
(MADE IN KOREA)
After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet
(MADE IN INDIA)
he sat down with his calculator
(MADE IN MEXICO)
to see how much he could spend today. After setting his watch
(MADE IN TAIWAN)
to the radio
(MADE IN INDIA)
he got in his car
(MADE IN GERMANY)
filled it with GAS
(from Saudi Arabia)
and continued his search
for a good paying AMERICAN JOB.
At the end of yet another discouraging
and fruitless day checking his Computer
(Made In Malaysia),
John decided to relax for a while.
He put on his sandals
(MADE IN BRAZIL)
poured himself a glass of wine
(MADE IN FRANCE)
and turned on his TV
(MADE IN INDONESIA),
and then wondered why he can't find
a good paying job in AMERICA
AND NOW HE'S HOPING HE CAN GET HELP
FROM A PRESIDENT MADE IN KENYA!
Homeopathy can cure swine flu, claims practitioner
At a time the country is grappling with H1N1 virus and Tamiflu tablet is belived to be the only solution, a well-known medical
practitioner today claimed that people can have a cost-effective treatment in homeopathy for swine flu.
"The people can take some of cost-effective and clinically proved homeopathic medicines for swine flu treatment as well as prevention," Batra's Positive Clinic's chairman and managing director, Dr Mukesh Batra, said.
Batra recommends `Oscilococcinium 30' and `Influenzium 200' for swine flu prevention as well as to improve the immune system among the general public towards the flu.
"The homeopathy medicine 'Gelsemium 30' has been proved effective clinically in the treatment of swine flu in France a decade back and has been reported in the British journal of Clinical Medicine," Batra said.
Similarly, treatment for swine-flu was done in Spain during 1917-18 war period with 'Bryonia 30' and proved effective, he said.
In the case of Spanish flu, homeopathy brought mortality rate from 30 per cent to one per cent, he claimed.
practitioner today claimed that people can have a cost-effective treatment in homeopathy for swine flu.
"The people can take some of cost-effective and clinically proved homeopathic medicines for swine flu treatment as well as prevention," Batra's Positive Clinic's chairman and managing director, Dr Mukesh Batra, said.
Batra recommends `Oscilococcinium 30' and `Influenzium 200' for swine flu prevention as well as to improve the immune system among the general public towards the flu.
"The homeopathy medicine 'Gelsemium 30' has been proved effective clinically in the treatment of swine flu in France a decade back and has been reported in the British journal of Clinical Medicine," Batra said.
Similarly, treatment for swine-flu was done in Spain during 1917-18 war period with 'Bryonia 30' and proved effective, he said.
In the case of Spanish flu, homeopathy brought mortality rate from 30 per cent to one per cent, he claimed.
SOME HEALTH TIPS TO PREVENT SWINE FLU!
SCIENTIFIC PREVENTION 0F “SWINE FLU” USING HOUSEHOLD PRODUCTS
Message 1 : TO PREVENT “SWINE FLUE”.
1) Use 1 to 3% Hydrogenperoxide Solution(available in in all chemist shops)
For gargling ( 2 times in a day)
2) Inhale 3% H2O2 (Hydrogenperoxide) 3-4 times a day.
3) Wash hands frequently with 1% Hydrogenperoxide.
Message 2: TO PREVENT “SWINE FLUE”.
1) Inhale food grade Vinegar for 1 second (3-4 times a day)
2) Frequently wash hands with 1% Vinegar (Food grade)
3) Mop floor, doors, windows, tiles, toilet floor with 1% Vinegar.
Message 3: TO PREVENT “SWINE FLUE”.
1) Inhale clove oil for 1 second
2) Chew 1 clove in a day (Specially in a public meetings)
Message 4: TO PREVENT “SWINE FLUE”.
1) Eat Raw Garlic ( 0.1 gms to 0.5 gms) 2 – 3 times in a day.
2) Eat Raw Onion
3) Eat fresh raw Ginger (0.1 gms. To 0.5 gms.) 2 – 3 times in a day.
Message 4 : TO PREVENT “SWINE FLUE”.
1) Drink hot milk with 2 gms of Turmeric ( 2 -3 times in a day)
Message 5 : TO PREVENT “SWINE FLUE”.
1) Consume plenty of Vitamin ‘C’ fruits like Lemon / Amla.
2) Consume L-Lysine (Minimum 500 mg.) ( Ask your doctor for dosage).
3) Drink water about 2 – 3 liter / day.
Message 1 : TO PREVENT “SWINE FLUE”.
1) Use 1 to 3% Hydrogenperoxide Solution(available in in all chemist shops)
For gargling ( 2 times in a day)
2) Inhale 3% H2O2 (Hydrogenperoxide) 3-4 times a day.
3) Wash hands frequently with 1% Hydrogenperoxide.
Message 2: TO PREVENT “SWINE FLUE”.
1) Inhale food grade Vinegar for 1 second (3-4 times a day)
2) Frequently wash hands with 1% Vinegar (Food grade)
3) Mop floor, doors, windows, tiles, toilet floor with 1% Vinegar.
Message 3: TO PREVENT “SWINE FLUE”.
1) Inhale clove oil for 1 second
2) Chew 1 clove in a day (Specially in a public meetings)
Message 4: TO PREVENT “SWINE FLUE”.
1) Eat Raw Garlic ( 0.1 gms to 0.5 gms) 2 – 3 times in a day.
2) Eat Raw Onion
3) Eat fresh raw Ginger (0.1 gms. To 0.5 gms.) 2 – 3 times in a day.
Message 4 : TO PREVENT “SWINE FLUE”.
1) Drink hot milk with 2 gms of Turmeric ( 2 -3 times in a day)
Message 5 : TO PREVENT “SWINE FLUE”.
1) Consume plenty of Vitamin ‘C’ fruits like Lemon / Amla.
2) Consume L-Lysine (Minimum 500 mg.) ( Ask your doctor for dosage).
3) Drink water about 2 – 3 liter / day.
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