Smart Monkey

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and while he's nursing it, the monkey runs wild. It jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in its mouth, and swallows it whole.

The bartender is livid and says to the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did? He just swallowed the cue ball from the pool table."

"Yeah, well I hope it kills him. He's been driving me nuts."

The guy finishes his drink and leaves. Two weeks later, he returns with the monkey. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running wild again. The monkey finds a grape on the bar. He grabs the grape, sticks it up his ass, then pulls it out and eats it.

The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did just now? He stuck a grape up his ass, then pulled it out and ate it."

"Well, what do you expect?" the patron replied. "Ever since he ate that damn cue ball, he measures everything first!"