If Columbus had been married, he might never have discovered America, because he would have had to answer all the following questions and listen to such dramatic statements:
Where are you going?
With whom?
Why?
How are you going?
To discover what?
Why only you?
What do I do when you are not here?
Can I come with you?
When will you be back?
Will you be home for dinner?
What will you bring for me?
You deliberately made this plan without me, didn't you?
You seem to be making a lot of these programs lately...
Answer me why?
I want to go to my mother's house.
I want you to drop me there.
I don't want to come back ever!
What do you mean, OK?
Why aren't you stopping me?
I don't understand what this whole 'discovery' thing is about.
You always do things like this.
Last time also you did the same thing!
Nowadays you always seem to do this kind of stuff.
I still don't understand what else is left to be discovered!
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Now, a Forum for 'Tortured' Husbands
It wasn’t the voices of victimised women but those of men complaining of “wicked wives’’ that were heard the the most during this
domestic violence awareness month that ends today, October 31.
The month may have been earmarked to coax women to step out of their homes to file cases against cruel husbands, but in Hyderabad men were seen asking “aggrieved’’ husbands to report the ill-treatment meted out to them by their wives.
Having found a confidant in each other, these men, claiming to be victims of false dowry harassment cases and domestic abuse, toured the city roads distributing pamphlets about the absence of a law to protect them against such ill-treatment and the need for more ‘male-oriented’ policies. They held campaigns and seminars where they accused the society of being biased towards women and prejudiced against men, and went from one locality to the other asking other traumatised husbands to come forward and report such incidents.
The ‘tortured spouses’ also launched an All-India Men’s Welfare Association (AIMWA) to take their battle to a higher level and call for a separate ministry for safeguarding the interests of men like them. “India even has a separate ministry for animals. Why should the men be left out then?” said S Venugopal, convener of Save India Family Foundation (SIFF), Andhra Pradesh chapter, the body that facilitated the launch of AIMWA. Venugopal, who joined this group around six months ago says that the awareness about these social groups is increasingly growing among men in the state who, unlike in the past, are now willing to
come out and share their experiences with the world. “When I joined SIFF there were indeed a few others like me. But today the numbers have doubled,” he said.
Parthasarathy T R, one of the founders of AIMWA agrees with this as he goes on to point out how the three helplines, that are available for such male victims, have not stopped ringing ever since they held these rallies. “Each of these numbers receive close to 30-40 calls a day as against 10-15 previously, from distressed husbands,” he said. These organisations are also conducting an increased number of counselling sessions for such men now, who they say, tend to develop suicidal tendencies if not attended to. “The pain and agony that men go through, when subjected to domestic violence is much like what women face, when ill-treated. But everybody sympathises with the women, the men find no listeners,” said Mohammed Jaleel a member of AIMWA adding, “Whenever I tried to tell people how I was wrongly framed, they either thought I was mad or was trying to cover my misdeeds of harassing my wife by saying all that. Nobody believed anything that I said until I joined this forum.”
Curiously, much like in the case of women, the stories of harassment of these husbands are also related to their in-laws. While some complain of their in-laws forcing them to become ‘ghar jamais’, others allege that their influential in-laws have got them beaten up by the police without even filing a case. Home truths of another kind.
domestic violence awareness month that ends today, October 31.
The month may have been earmarked to coax women to step out of their homes to file cases against cruel husbands, but in Hyderabad men were seen asking “aggrieved’’ husbands to report the ill-treatment meted out to them by their wives.
Having found a confidant in each other, these men, claiming to be victims of false dowry harassment cases and domestic abuse, toured the city roads distributing pamphlets about the absence of a law to protect them against such ill-treatment and the need for more ‘male-oriented’ policies. They held campaigns and seminars where they accused the society of being biased towards women and prejudiced against men, and went from one locality to the other asking other traumatised husbands to come forward and report such incidents.
The ‘tortured spouses’ also launched an All-India Men’s Welfare Association (AIMWA) to take their battle to a higher level and call for a separate ministry for safeguarding the interests of men like them. “India even has a separate ministry for animals. Why should the men be left out then?” said S Venugopal, convener of Save India Family Foundation (SIFF), Andhra Pradesh chapter, the body that facilitated the launch of AIMWA. Venugopal, who joined this group around six months ago says that the awareness about these social groups is increasingly growing among men in the state who, unlike in the past, are now willing to
come out and share their experiences with the world. “When I joined SIFF there were indeed a few others like me. But today the numbers have doubled,” he said.
Parthasarathy T R, one of the founders of AIMWA agrees with this as he goes on to point out how the three helplines, that are available for such male victims, have not stopped ringing ever since they held these rallies. “Each of these numbers receive close to 30-40 calls a day as against 10-15 previously, from distressed husbands,” he said. These organisations are also conducting an increased number of counselling sessions for such men now, who they say, tend to develop suicidal tendencies if not attended to. “The pain and agony that men go through, when subjected to domestic violence is much like what women face, when ill-treated. But everybody sympathises with the women, the men find no listeners,” said Mohammed Jaleel a member of AIMWA adding, “Whenever I tried to tell people how I was wrongly framed, they either thought I was mad or was trying to cover my misdeeds of harassing my wife by saying all that. Nobody believed anything that I said until I joined this forum.”
Curiously, much like in the case of women, the stories of harassment of these husbands are also related to their in-laws. While some complain of their in-laws forcing them to become ‘ghar jamais’, others allege that their influential in-laws have got them beaten up by the police without even filing a case. Home truths of another kind.
The Cat
A man absolutely hated his wife's cat
and decided to get rid of him one
day by driving him 20 blocks
from his home and leaving him at the park.
As he was getting home, the cat was
walking up the driveway.
The next day he decided to drive the cat
40 blocks away. He put the beast
out and headed home.
Driving back up his driveway,
there was the cat!
He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.
Hours later the man calls home to his wife:
"Jen, is the cat there?"
"Yes," the wife answers, "why do you ask?"
Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that son of a bitch on the phone, I'm lost! and need directions!"
and decided to get rid of him one
day by driving him 20 blocks
from his home and leaving him at the park.
As he was getting home, the cat was
walking up the driveway.
The next day he decided to drive the cat
40 blocks away. He put the beast
out and headed home.
Driving back up his driveway,
there was the cat!
He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.
Hours later the man calls home to his wife:
"Jen, is the cat there?"
"Yes," the wife answers, "why do you ask?"
Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that son of a bitch on the phone, I'm lost! and need directions!"
Electronic Hair Dryer
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask you a favor?"
"Of course. What may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought an expensive! Electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
"I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused." On hearing this the customs official roared into laughter and asked the priest to go.
"Of course. What may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought an expensive! Electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
"I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused." On hearing this the customs official roared into laughter and asked the priest to go.
The Obedient wife !!!
There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real "miser" when it came to his money.
Just before he died, he said to his wife.... "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me." And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died, she would put all of the money into the casket with him.
Well, he died.
He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there - dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said,"Wait just a moment!" She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away.
So her friend said, "Girl, I know you were not fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband."
The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm a Christian; I cannot go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money into the casket with him.
" You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!?!?!?"
"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account, and wrote him a check.... If he can cash it, then he can spend it.
Just before he died, he said to his wife.... "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me." And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died, she would put all of the money into the casket with him.
Well, he died.
He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there - dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said,"Wait just a moment!" She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away.
So her friend said, "Girl, I know you were not fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband."
The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm a Christian; I cannot go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money into the casket with him.
" You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!?!?!?"
"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account, and wrote him a check.... If he can cash it, then he can spend it.
Husband vs. Wife
Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means, Without Information, Fighting Every time!
Wife: No darling, it means, With Idiot For Ever
************************************************************************
Wife: I wish I was a newspaper, so I'd be in your hands all day.
Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper, so I could have a new one everyday.
************************************************************************
Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you
************************************************************************
Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.
Husband: You should have known it the minute I asked you to marry me.
************************************************************************
Husband: Today is Sunday and I have to enjoy it. So I bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: Why Three?
Husband: For you and your parents
************************************************************************
Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest?
Husband: A lovely Push...!!!
************************************************************************
Q: What is the most effective way to remember your wife's birthday?
A: Just forget it once and you will never forget it again
*********************************************************************
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied, "Yes dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
************************************************************************
Wife: No darling, it means, With Idiot For Ever
************************************************************************
Wife: I wish I was a newspaper, so I'd be in your hands all day.
Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper, so I could have a new one everyday.
************************************************************************
Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you
************************************************************************
Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.
Husband: You should have known it the minute I asked you to marry me.
************************************************************************
Husband: Today is Sunday and I have to enjoy it. So I bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: Why Three?
Husband: For you and your parents
************************************************************************
Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest?
Husband: A lovely Push...!!!
************************************************************************
Q: What is the most effective way to remember your wife's birthday?
A: Just forget it once and you will never forget it again
*********************************************************************
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied, "Yes dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
************************************************************************
Monday, December 14, 2009
Punctuality
A Priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.
However, he was delayed, so the Priest was asked to say a few words in the meanwhile. Not being prepared to speak then, he wondered for a minute and then decided to share his experience on the first day in the parish to highlight how one should not rush to conclusions.
'I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his neighbour. I was appalled.
But as the days went on I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people.'....
Just as the Priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk: 'I'll never forget the first day our parish Priest arrived,' said the politician. 'In fact, I had the honour of being the first person to go to him for confession.'
Moral : Never, Never, Never Be Late.
However, he was delayed, so the Priest was asked to say a few words in the meanwhile. Not being prepared to speak then, he wondered for a minute and then decided to share his experience on the first day in the parish to highlight how one should not rush to conclusions.
'I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his neighbour. I was appalled.
But as the days went on I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people.'....
Just as the Priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk: 'I'll never forget the first day our parish Priest arrived,' said the politician. 'In fact, I had the honour of being the first person to go to him for confession.'
Moral : Never, Never, Never Be Late.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
11 Minutes
A cop was patrolling late at night in a well-known spot. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing. The cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, knitting.
Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and gently raps on the driver's window.
The young man lowers his window. "Uh, yes, officer?"
The cop says, "What are you doing?"
The young man says, "Well, Officer, I'm reading a magazine."
Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the cop says,"And her, what is she doing?"
The young man shrugs, "Sir, I believe she's knitting a pullover sweater."
Now, the cop is totally confused. A young couple. Alone, in a car, at night in a Lover's lane....and nothing obscene is happening!
The cop asks, "What's your age, young man?"
The young man says, "I'm 22, sir."
The cop asks, "And her what's her age?"
The young man looks at his watch and replies, "She'll be 18 in 11 minutes."
Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and gently raps on the driver's window.
The young man lowers his window. "Uh, yes, officer?"
The cop says, "What are you doing?"
The young man says, "Well, Officer, I'm reading a magazine."
Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the cop says,"And her, what is she doing?"
The young man shrugs, "Sir, I believe she's knitting a pullover sweater."
Now, the cop is totally confused. A young couple. Alone, in a car, at night in a Lover's lane....and nothing obscene is happening!
The cop asks, "What's your age, young man?"
The young man says, "I'm 22, sir."
The cop asks, "And her what's her age?"
The young man looks at his watch and replies, "She'll be 18 in 11 minutes."
Saturday, November 28, 2009
No free lunches? Says who?
It's not Utopia. But almost looks like it. Because at the Seva Cafe in Ahmedabad, no one charges you for the food you eat.
Unbelievable it may be, but the eatery just has a menu, there's no tariff. The model that Seva Cafe, situated in the heart of bustling Ahmedabad's swank C G Road, follows is unique: dine and enjoy the ambience, but pay only what you want. Managed by a group of volunteers, including a few NRIs, guests here can, at the most, leave a donation that pays for the meals of others to follow. There are free lunches, too, for those who don't want to do even this or simply can't afford it.
"The cafe runs on the age-old Indian belief of athithi devo bhava," says Sandeep Vaghela, 23, one of the volunteers associated with the eatery since its inception in 2005. Vaghela joined the initiative soon after completing his graduation. "A meal at this cafe costs you nothing. Food offered to you is a gift, already paid for by previous guests. After the meal, guests are handed an envelope that asks you to 'pay from your heart'. That's all."
Bhaskar Kulkarni, another young man who helps out mostly with kitchen work, says, "We call it a circle of giving. There are no bills. We leave this choice to the guests. We serve pure vegetarian food, prepared with utmost thought for cleanliness by our volunteers.''
The idea, of course, came from Annalakshmi, a vegetarian restaurant in Singapore that started in 1986 with the 'eat what you want and give as you feel' concept. Almost two decades after that, four 'social entrepreneurs' in Gujarat decided to start a similar experiment in Ahmedabad. Each one of them, though, wants to remain backstage, happy to give all credit to the bunch of sprightly volunteers who manage the daily operations.
Volunteers, on their part, are more than willing to be a part of Seva Cafe, and serve for free. "We hardly get any guest who does not pay up,'' says Vaghela. "Yes, sometimes people don't, but that's rare. The model is actually working very well. We keep our accounts transparent, putting the budgetary expenses and earnings on a display board in the cafe. Everything's clean.''
After the initial skepticism, the eatery has now begun attracting a loyal, burgeoning customer base. Lopa Shah, a homemaker from Ahmedabad, is a frequent visitor. "When I first came here, it was a whole new experience for me to understand the concept of Seva Cafe. But I liked it so much that my association with this place has only grown stronger," she says.
For volunteers, too, it has been a life-transforming change. Clad in jeans and a T-shirt, Raghav Agrawal, 18, mops the floor as part of his chore here. Agrawal, who studies in Mahatma Gandhi International School, is happy doing what he does. "At home, I used to just laze around. All that changed after I got involved with Seva Cafe. My perception of life and what it means to serve changed. These days I help out my mom at home. She was shocked initially, but now she's very appreciative."
Agrawal's enthusiasm and earnestness is shared by Sharmeen Attarwala, Dhruvita Patel and Meeti Shah, all in their teens, all from rich families that pamper them no end. "Volunteering at the cafe has made us more responsible in life," they say, almost in unison. "Once you come here, you always feel like coming back. I just love to volunteer, and so do the others. From washing dishes to cleaning the floor, cooking and serving, we do everything. And we feel it helps us become more humane, more understanding towards other people." In fact, Seva Cafe has built up such a reputation for itself that many like Prometheu Raj Tyagi, 15, and Yash Desai, 16, have flown all the way from Pune to become a part of it. Students of Mahindra United World College, the duo heard about the cafe from friends and decided to join as volunteers during their vacation. "It taught me that no work is lowly,'' says Tyagi, finely balancing empty plates on his hand. "And the interaction with a diverse set of people has been a truly enriching experience for us." Another thing Seva Cafe serves for free: wisdom and humility.
Unbelievable it may be, but the eatery just has a menu, there's no tariff. The model that Seva Cafe, situated in the heart of bustling Ahmedabad's swank C G Road, follows is unique: dine and enjoy the ambience, but pay only what you want. Managed by a group of volunteers, including a few NRIs, guests here can, at the most, leave a donation that pays for the meals of others to follow. There are free lunches, too, for those who don't want to do even this or simply can't afford it.
"The cafe runs on the age-old Indian belief of athithi devo bhava," says Sandeep Vaghela, 23, one of the volunteers associated with the eatery since its inception in 2005. Vaghela joined the initiative soon after completing his graduation. "A meal at this cafe costs you nothing. Food offered to you is a gift, already paid for by previous guests. After the meal, guests are handed an envelope that asks you to 'pay from your heart'. That's all."
Bhaskar Kulkarni, another young man who helps out mostly with kitchen work, says, "We call it a circle of giving. There are no bills. We leave this choice to the guests. We serve pure vegetarian food, prepared with utmost thought for cleanliness by our volunteers.''
The idea, of course, came from Annalakshmi, a vegetarian restaurant in Singapore that started in 1986 with the 'eat what you want and give as you feel' concept. Almost two decades after that, four 'social entrepreneurs' in Gujarat decided to start a similar experiment in Ahmedabad. Each one of them, though, wants to remain backstage, happy to give all credit to the bunch of sprightly volunteers who manage the daily operations.
Volunteers, on their part, are more than willing to be a part of Seva Cafe, and serve for free. "We hardly get any guest who does not pay up,'' says Vaghela. "Yes, sometimes people don't, but that's rare. The model is actually working very well. We keep our accounts transparent, putting the budgetary expenses and earnings on a display board in the cafe. Everything's clean.''
After the initial skepticism, the eatery has now begun attracting a loyal, burgeoning customer base. Lopa Shah, a homemaker from Ahmedabad, is a frequent visitor. "When I first came here, it was a whole new experience for me to understand the concept of Seva Cafe. But I liked it so much that my association with this place has only grown stronger," she says.
For volunteers, too, it has been a life-transforming change. Clad in jeans and a T-shirt, Raghav Agrawal, 18, mops the floor as part of his chore here. Agrawal, who studies in Mahatma Gandhi International School, is happy doing what he does. "At home, I used to just laze around. All that changed after I got involved with Seva Cafe. My perception of life and what it means to serve changed. These days I help out my mom at home. She was shocked initially, but now she's very appreciative."
Agrawal's enthusiasm and earnestness is shared by Sharmeen Attarwala, Dhruvita Patel and Meeti Shah, all in their teens, all from rich families that pamper them no end. "Volunteering at the cafe has made us more responsible in life," they say, almost in unison. "Once you come here, you always feel like coming back. I just love to volunteer, and so do the others. From washing dishes to cleaning the floor, cooking and serving, we do everything. And we feel it helps us become more humane, more understanding towards other people." In fact, Seva Cafe has built up such a reputation for itself that many like Prometheu Raj Tyagi, 15, and Yash Desai, 16, have flown all the way from Pune to become a part of it. Students of Mahindra United World College, the duo heard about the cafe from friends and decided to join as volunteers during their vacation. "It taught me that no work is lowly,'' says Tyagi, finely balancing empty plates on his hand. "And the interaction with a diverse set of people has been a truly enriching experience for us." Another thing Seva Cafe serves for free: wisdom and humility.
Great Magician
Three world famous magicians were in the bar drinking and boasting about their achievements.
The first one said, "During my latest show, I made three women from the audience disappear, it was so convincing that their relatives started panicking, no one could find the trick"
The second one said, "Hey, that is nothing, during one of my open air shows I made the Municipality building disappear and the entire town was searching for it"
The third one sighed and said," Both of you are so local, I went to Paris and made the Eiffel Tower disappear for a full one hour, it was live on the TV, entire France was searching for the building & no one had a clue".
Just then an Indian walked into the bar and the three magicians suddenly turned quiet, gave each other fugitive glances and started to slip towards the door.
A Bartender watching this got curious and asked one of the magicians, "Hey what happened? Who is that guy?"
One of the magicians whispered, "He is the World's greatest magician, he has done the biggest disappearing trick of all times, we are all mere amateurs compared with what he has done. His name is Ramalinga Raju. He has made USD 1.5 billion disappear from his company's balance sheet in front of everyone's eyes, and the entire world is still looking for it"
The first one said, "During my latest show, I made three women from the audience disappear, it was so convincing that their relatives started panicking, no one could find the trick"
The second one said, "Hey, that is nothing, during one of my open air shows I made the Municipality building disappear and the entire town was searching for it"
The third one sighed and said," Both of you are so local, I went to Paris and made the Eiffel Tower disappear for a full one hour, it was live on the TV, entire France was searching for the building & no one had a clue".
Just then an Indian walked into the bar and the three magicians suddenly turned quiet, gave each other fugitive glances and started to slip towards the door.
A Bartender watching this got curious and asked one of the magicians, "Hey what happened? Who is that guy?"
One of the magicians whispered, "He is the World's greatest magician, he has done the biggest disappearing trick of all times, we are all mere amateurs compared with what he has done. His name is Ramalinga Raju. He has made USD 1.5 billion disappear from his company's balance sheet in front of everyone's eyes, and the entire world is still looking for it"
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