Party Crashers

It was at a party and the host was getting worried because there were too many people and not enough refreshments.

She was sure that not all of these people had been invited but didn't know how to tell which ones were the crashers. Then her husband got an idea....

He turned to the crowd of guests and said "Will those who are from the brides side of the family stand up please?" about twenty people stood.

Then he asked " Will those who are from the groom side of the family stand up as well?" about twenty five people stood up.

Then He smiled and said

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"Will all those who stood please leave, This is a birthday party".

Moral: Capture a bit of info about the thing you are going to do.

Boy Friend of the year Award.

2nd Runner Up.

1st Runner Up.

The Winner!

All the World Famous Men/Women in One Single Photograph

YOU ARE AN ENCYCLOPEDIA, ONCE YOU GET THE ANSWER!

How many can you identify?

Stages of an Orkut Account

Pappu (real name "Nilesh") opens an Orkut account.

Stage 1:
Pappu is called as "Pappu" and is 16 years old, have just cleared 10th standard exam. He opens an Orkut account.

About Me: Some "sher" explaining friendship and love.
Profile picture: Hritik or Shahid's photo
Album: Katrina, Ayesha Takia, Amrita Raos photos, Pics of Shah Rukh Khans home
Scraps: More "sher"s explaining all the philosophy in the world and claiming that Friendship and Love are the most important things in life.
Friends: Invitation sent to each and everyone on Orkut.
Communities: 10th standard batch community, Some brazilian community, Tendulkar / Federer fan community, Sunsign / Moonsign community
Testimonial: Messages like "hoz u" / "wch col" / "hi !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ... u thr ..... tc" will be in the testimonials.

_______________________


Stage 2:
Pappu has completed his bachelors. He is now called as Nilesh by everyone. He has got a job in a good company.

About Me: Only in this stage about me is really "About me". Its full of what Nilesh likes, what he doesnt like, what he does in his spare time etc etc.
Profile pic: Nilesh wearing goggle on some fort / tourist spot.
Album: Nilesh and gang visiting each and every Multiplex / Fort / Water Fall in 100 km radius on bike.
Scraps: Mainly this scrap from Girls "Do I know you ?"
Friends: All the school, college batch mates, all the girls who are open to accept friend requests
Communities: "Name Beginning with", "Surname beginning with", Company community, College community
Testimonial: Testimonial claiming how is he the "GD" of at least three guys and how average he is and how he could be a good BF.

_______________________


Stage 3:
Nilesh has now 5 years of work exp. He has been "onsite" once. His hair line is receding. And his parents are now "actively" looking for a girl for him.

About Me: A very formal about me. Telling everyone where he works and his age and his hobbies.
Profile pic: Nilesh in formals attending some cousins wedding / In front of some famous building in US
Album: Full of Onsite pics. This includes pics of the famous buildings, roads in US, bikes and cars in US, US hotel room photos
Scraps: Mainly scraps from girls looking for a good husband. Occasional scraps from school / college batch mates who are planning re union (which never happens)
Friends: Very few additions to the friend list. Mainly people from the company.
Communities: Community for his caste / sub caste
Testimonial: No new testimonials.

_______________________



Stage 4 :
Nilesh is now married for 2 months.

About Me: No about me.
Profile pic: Nilesh and his wife on honeymoon. Holding each other on some hill top.
Album: Full of Marriage and Honeymoon pics. In all the pics the couple is standing extremely close to each other. Very rarely anything other than the couple is seen in the pics.
Scraps: Scrap by almost everyone in the friend list congratulating on his marriage.
Friends: Additions to the friend list are people from his wifes family. Typically a "Saali" or "Saala".
Communities: No addition to the communities.
Testimonial: "Saali" writes testimonial for her "Jiju".

_______________________



Stage 5:
Nilesh is now married for 2 years.

About Me: Some management / Philosophical/ "Self Help" type of funda.
Profile pic: The marriage pic.
Album: School and college farewell party, pics with the friends from first company when Nilesh’s waist was 28 (Now its 34 threatening to reach 36)
Scraps: Thank you scraps for the B'day wishes Nilesh has sent.
Friends: No additions to the friend list.
Communities: No addition to the communities.
Testimonial: No testimonials.

_______________________



Stage 6:
Nilesh and his wife now have a baby.

About Me: Nothing.
Profile pic: Kids photo
Album: Only the kids snaps.
Scraps: "Congratulations for the Gods gift" type of scraps.
Friends: No additions.
Communities: No addition to the communities.
Testimonial: No testimonials.

And after this everything is about the Kid and Wife and Nilesh is not living for himself but he is living for his parents / wife / kids. Nowadays Nilesh spends more time on "LinkedIn" than on Orkut :)

Time for some male bashing.....

Time for some male bashing..... (For a change)...

Q: What is the difference between men and puppies?
A: Puppies grow up.

Q: Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?
A: Because they are...

Q: What do men have in common with ceramic tiles?
A: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever.

Q: If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which one would hit The ground first?
A: Who cares?????.. ...

Q: What did God say after he created man?
A: I can do better than this! And then he created woman!

Q: What's the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO?
A: I don't know, I've never seen either.

Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
A: i) no mind ii) no business

Q: What is the difference between men and pigs?
A: Pigs don't turn into men when they drink...

Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles they have no Intention of driving.

Q: What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift?
A: Exchange him!!

Q: Why do men like smart women?
A: Opposites attract.

Impact of job change

A taxi passenger (Sivadasan) tapped the driver (Cyril) on the shoulder to ask him a question.
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, and then the driver said:

"Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"

The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would
scare you so much."

The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a van carrying dead Bodies for the last 25 years.......u can imagine what went into my mind when u touched my back!!

See the difference

There was a good old barber in Bangalore . One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies:
I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service.
Florist is happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a "Thank You" Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.

A Confectioner goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber he again refuses to take the money. The Confectioner is happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is another "Thank you" Card and a dozen Cakes waiting at his door.

A Software Engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber again refuses the money saying that it was a community service.

The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there......

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A Dozen Software engineers waiting for a free haircut... with Printouts of Forwarded mail mentioning about free hair cut with the google map showing the shop

Happy Married Life - THE HAPPY COUPLE

Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary. They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years. Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known 'happy going marriage'.

Editor: "Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible?"
Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said: "We had been to Simla for honeymoon after marriage. Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on different horses. My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one.

On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over. Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said "This is your first time". She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again. This time she again kept calm and said "This is your second time" and continued. When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead!!

I shouted at my wife: "What did you do you psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?"

She gave a silent look and said: "This is your first time!!!"
Husband: "That's it.. We are happy ever after."

What an Ad promotion!.....UP Government

iThis

Got my son an iPhone for his birthday the other week,
and recently got my daughter an iPod for hers,

and was very pleased when the family clubbed
together and bought me an iPad for Father’s day.
Got my wife an iRon for her birthday,

then the fight started......