Ever heard advice on how to whip your date into a frenzy and thought, “I could never do that?” Maybe because you’re shy. Or because your romantic interest is. Or because you two are still at the getting to know you stage (as opposed to the whipped-toppings-in-bed stage). And there’s actually a benefit to keeping your early overtures low-key. “In the beginning of a relationship when you take a subtle approach to flirting, you show your date that you’re enjoying the process as much as the goal,” says Yvonne Fulbright, Ph.D., author of Touch Me There! In that spirit, here are our favourite soft-sell seduction moves.
1. Be a space invader.
“Don’t be afraid to stand close to your date,” says Dr. Fulbright. “Not only will you put yourself in their direct line of vision, leaving them no choice but to give you their attention, you instantly create a private world just between the two of you.” What’s more, leaving little room between your bodies (think: five inches) conveys a level of comfort and trust, two key ingredients for romance. But surprisingly, the rules differ for men and women. “To send a flirty signal, ladies should lean in briefly, for just a fraction of a second, then lean right back out again,” says Patty Wood, author of Success Signals: Understanding Body Language. “This shows you’re intrigued, yet still testing the waters. In turn, men should be cautious, leaning in a little with their head, but not with their whole body, which can seem threatening. Or, over drinks, move a hand halfway across the table, and sit forward to convey interest in her and the conversation.”
2. Get suggestive.
While we’re not advising anything over the top like dropping four-letter expletives over dinner, you can inject subtle sexual thoughts into your date’s mind by ever so slightly vamping up your language. Excited to try Indian fare for the first time? Then say something like, “It really excites me to try new foods.” Jazzed about your upcoming trip to Peru? Tell your date, “It’s such a turn-on to visit a new country.” You’ll innocently, almost subliminally set the wheels in motion and get your sweetie’s mind racing.
3. Describe a dream.
“I try this trick when I’m dating someone new and want to tell them how hot they are, but am too embarrassed to just come out and say it,” says Jeremy 26, a publicist in London. “I say something like, ‘Hey, you showed up in my dream last night and it was just the two of us…’ Conveying my desire in the form of a dream is safe because I’m saying I’d like to get to know her better, but in a roundabout way, so there’s no fear of rejection. It also prompts her to ask for details and gets her to imagine the scenario in her head!” However, heed this rule: Unless you have a few dates under your belt and possibly even a kiss, keep your dream PG-rated.
4. Ask ‘em to be your fashion adviser:
“When I want to point out my best assets in a non-obvious way, I ask my crush what he thinks of my ‘new’ pair of jeans,” says Elena, 28, a customer service rep from Bath “I pretend to be indecisive and then turn around so he can check out my bottom, but really, I know I look good in those jeans that’s why I wore them in the first place!” Since most of us think it’s not polite to check out our date’s body, using this sexy scheme gives your new prospect permission to gaze away. Other ideas: Pull your hair back and ask him to check out your new earrings, while he gets a provocative peek at your neck.
5. Do the four-step rule.
If sparks are flying, and you’re thinking it might be nice to kiss that person, then follow a four-step rule called: Eyes-mouth-eyes-smile. Want to try it? Focus on your date’s eyes, then mouth, then eyes, and then flash a smile. “When someone is interested, they give 80 percent of their focus to the person’s eyes and mouth,” says Wood. “However, making an obvious point to do it in a sequence will get your crush’s attention. Just make sure your glance is fleeting.” Or else it may seem creepy!
6. Scratch an itch.
“When I want to get attention from man, during conversation I casually reach inside my shirt just a little and innocently scratch my neck or shoulder to get his attention,” admits Cara, 28, a writer from Edinburgh. Or, try a subtler but also effective come-hither approach with this hair trick: Reach up and smooth back your tresses, letting your fingers make contact with your forehead. A sensual gesture like stroking your own skin can be sexy, too.
7. Cop a feel.
No, not that kind! However, making physical contact with your date in small ways through a pat on the back, or a light touch on the arm, will create instant shivers. “Just make sure your touch is brief,” says Wood. “For example, say something like, ‘You’re a great listener,’ and touch their arm on the word ‘great,’ then move away.” And heed this dating decree: To create a sensual, not sexual, vibe stick to your date’s upper body only (i.e.: shoulders, hands, or arms), and stay away from their knee or leg, which can be seen as an overtly sexual advance.
8. Channel Barry White.
“Dropping your voice an octave will set the scene for intimacy,” says Dr. Fulbright. “Your date will inevitably have to get closer to hear what you’re saying, which creates a confidential and sexy vibe.” Whispering can have the same effect. This tactic worked on Greg, 31, a social worker, when in a crowded bar, a girl leaned in to talk to him. “To be honest, I don’t even remember what she said,” he says sheepishly. “What I do recall is the warmth of her breath, the smell of her perfume, and her lips almost brushing my ear. It was like sensory overload. I couldn’t wait to be alone with her.”
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