I was having trouble with my computer. So I called David,
the 11 year old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control,
and asked him to come over.
David clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?"
He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An ID
Ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again."
David grinned, "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"
"No", I replied.
"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."
So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Cruise
An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.
Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth £50,000. . Please advise."
The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap."
Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth £50,000. . Please advise."
The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap."
Potrait
An elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and a gold Rolex."
"But you are not wearing any of those things," replied the artist.
"I know," she said. "It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewellery."
"But you are not wearing any of those things," replied the artist.
"I know," she said. "It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewellery."
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Sardar Returns
1. Lecturer : Write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi.
Sardar : Gandhi was a great man but maa kasam, I dont know who is Jayanthi.
2. Sardar : You cheated me.
Shopkeeper: How ?
Sardar : YOu said this is American made radio. But when I put it ON, it says All India Radio.
3. Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket. He gave Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have pass.
4. Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.
5. On a romantic day sardar's girlfriend asks him. Darling on our engagement day will you give me a ring.
Sardar : Ya sure, from landline or mobile.
6. Doctor to patient : YOu will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any one before you die.
Patient : Yes. A good doctor.
7. 2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have a one more.
8. Interviewer : When is your birthday.
Sardar : 13th Oct.
Interviewer : which year ?
sardar : Oye Ullu ke patte : Every year.
9. Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks sardar why are you removing a wheel from your auto.
sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.
10. Sardar : What is the name of your car ?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.
Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi petrol se start hoti hai.
11. Boss : Where were you born ?
sardar : Punjab .
Boss : which part ?
sardar : Kya which part ? Whole body born in punjab.
1 2 . American told sardar : Hamare desh me 90% shaadi e-mail se hoti hai.
Sardar : Kya bath hai. Hamari desh me 100% female se hoti hai.
1 3 . How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars ?
Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it.
Sardar : Gandhi was a great man but maa kasam, I dont know who is Jayanthi.
2. Sardar : You cheated me.
Shopkeeper: How ?
Sardar : YOu said this is American made radio. But when I put it ON, it says All India Radio.
3. Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket. He gave Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have pass.
4. Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.
5. On a romantic day sardar's girlfriend asks him. Darling on our engagement day will you give me a ring.
Sardar : Ya sure, from landline or mobile.
6. Doctor to patient : YOu will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any one before you die.
Patient : Yes. A good doctor.
7. 2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have a one more.
8. Interviewer : When is your birthday.
Sardar : 13th Oct.
Interviewer : which year ?
sardar : Oye Ullu ke patte : Every year.
9. Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks sardar why are you removing a wheel from your auto.
sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.
10. Sardar : What is the name of your car ?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.
Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi petrol se start hoti hai.
11. Boss : Where were you born ?
sardar : Punjab .
Boss : which part ?
sardar : Kya which part ? Whole body born in punjab.
1 2 . American told sardar : Hamare desh me 90% shaadi e-mail se hoti hai.
Sardar : Kya bath hai. Hamari desh me 100% female se hoti hai.
1 3 . How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars ?
Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
THE BROTHEL
The madam opened the brothel door and saw a rather dignified,
well-dressed,
good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
"May I help you?" she asked.
"I want to see Valerie," the man replied.
"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would
prefer
someone else," said the madam.
"No. I must see Valerie," he replied.
Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man that she charged
$5,000
a visit.
Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave
them
to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.
The next night, the same man appeared again, once more demanding to see
Valerie.
Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row--too
expensive -- and there were no discounts.
The price was still $5,000.
Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went
upstairs. After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there yet again.
Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night,
but
he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.
After their session, Valerie questioned the man. "No one has ever been
with
me three nights in a row. Where are you from?" she asked.
The man replied, " South Carolina .."
"Really" she said. "I have family in South Carolina ."
"I know," the man said. "Your father died, and I am your sister's
attorney.
She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance."
The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer
well-dressed,
good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
"May I help you?" she asked.
"I want to see Valerie," the man replied.
"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would
prefer
someone else," said the madam.
"No. I must see Valerie," he replied.
Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man that she charged
$5,000
a visit.
Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave
them
to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.
The next night, the same man appeared again, once more demanding to see
Valerie.
Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row--too
expensive -- and there were no discounts.
The price was still $5,000.
Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went
upstairs. After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there yet again.
Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night,
but
he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.
After their session, Valerie questioned the man. "No one has ever been
with
me three nights in a row. Where are you from?" she asked.
The man replied, " South Carolina .."
"Really" she said. "I have family in South Carolina ."
"I know," the man said. "Your father died, and I am your sister's
attorney.
She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance."
The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Typical Female
A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that
she was out of credit, she instructed her son to use his own phone to pass across an urgent message to his daddy who was on site. After junior had called, he got back to Mommy to inform her that there was a lady that picked up Daddy's phone the three times he tried reaching Dad on the mobile.
She waited impatiently for her husband to return from work and upon seeing
him in the driveway; she rushed out and gave him a tight slap. Then she slapped him again for good measure.
People from the neighbourhood rushed around to find out what the cause of the commotion was. The woman asked junior to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he called.
Junior said, "The subscriber you have dialled is not available at present. Please try again later."
she was out of credit, she instructed her son to use his own phone to pass across an urgent message to his daddy who was on site. After junior had called, he got back to Mommy to inform her that there was a lady that picked up Daddy's phone the three times he tried reaching Dad on the mobile.
She waited impatiently for her husband to return from work and upon seeing
him in the driveway; she rushed out and gave him a tight slap. Then she slapped him again for good measure.
People from the neighbourhood rushed around to find out what the cause of the commotion was. The woman asked junior to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he called.
Junior said, "The subscriber you have dialled is not available at present. Please try again later."
Lorraine, a saleswoman
Lorraine, a saleswoman for a major condom company was required to travel to London to meet a prospective buyer. Her boss asked her to take about 100 condoms of various types with her.
As she was running late for her train, she simply stuffed them all into her briefcase. The taxi ride to the railway station was delayed by traffic and she had just enough time to buy her ticket at the counter and run onto the train.
As she jumped into the carriage, she dropped her briefcase and all the condoms flew out all over the floor in front of all the passengers and guard.
They all stared amazed at the display and then looked at Lorraine, who said sheepishly, "I'm meeting a new client."
As she was running late for her train, she simply stuffed them all into her briefcase. The taxi ride to the railway station was delayed by traffic and she had just enough time to buy her ticket at the counter and run onto the train.
As she jumped into the carriage, she dropped her briefcase and all the condoms flew out all over the floor in front of all the passengers and guard.
They all stared amazed at the display and then looked at Lorraine, who said sheepishly, "I'm meeting a new client."
Friday, August 01, 2008
God & a Gujarati Guy...
A Gujju having no child, no money, no home, a blind mother,
prays to God.
God feels happy with his prayers and grants him only one
wish !
Gujju: "I want my mother to see my wife putting Diamond
bangles on my Child's hands in our new mansion!"
God: "Damn it...I still have a lot to learn from these
Gujju's..."
prays to God.
God feels happy with his prayers and grants him only one
wish !
Gujju: "I want my mother to see my wife putting Diamond
bangles on my Child's hands in our new mansion!"
God: "Damn it...I still have a lot to learn from these
Gujju's..."
Monday, July 28, 2008
Seminar joke
Not too long ago, a large seminar was held for ministers and reverends in training.
Among the facilitators were many well-known motivational speakers. One such speaker boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!"
The crowd was shocked!
He followed up by saying, "That woman was my mother!"
The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech, which was well received.
About a week later, one of the ministers who had attended the seminar decided to use that joke in his sermon. As he shyly approached the pulpit one sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It was a bit foggy to him.
Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"
His congregation sat shocked, murmuring.
After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out "... and I can't remember who she was!"
*********
Moral of the story: Don't copy if you can't paste
Among the facilitators were many well-known motivational speakers. One such speaker boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!"
The crowd was shocked!
He followed up by saying, "That woman was my mother!"
The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech, which was well received.
About a week later, one of the ministers who had attended the seminar decided to use that joke in his sermon. As he shyly approached the pulpit one sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It was a bit foggy to him.
Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"
His congregation sat shocked, murmuring.
After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out "... and I can't remember who she was!"
*********
Moral of the story: Don't copy if you can't paste
The Moral of the Story is:
A teacher told her young class to ask their parents For a family story with a moral at the end of it, and To return the next day to tell their stories.
In the classroom the next day, Joe gave his example First, "My dad is a farmer and we have chickens. One Day we were taking lots of eggs to market in a basket On the front seat of the truck when we hit a big bump In the road; the basket fell off the seat and all the Eggs broke."
The moral of the story is not to put all Your eggs in one basket..
"Very good," said the teacher.
Next, Mary said, "We are farmers too. We had twenty Eggs waiting to hatch, but when they did we only got Ten chicks."
"The moral of this story is not to count Your chickens before they're hatched .."
"Very good ," said the teacher again, very pleased with The response so far.
Next it was Barney's turn to tell his story: "My dad Told me this story about my Aunt Karen…. Aunt Karen Was a flight engineer in the war and her plane got Hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all She had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a Machete."
"Go on," said the teacher, intrigued.
"Aunt Karen drank the whiskey on the way down to Prepare herself; then she landed right in the middle Of a hundred enemy soldiers. She killed seventy of Them with the machine gun until she ran out of Bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete Till the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten With her bare hands."
"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What did Your father say was the moral of that frightening Story?"
The child said "Stay away from Aunt Karen when she's been Drinking…"
*******
In the classroom the next day, Joe gave his example First, "My dad is a farmer and we have chickens. One Day we were taking lots of eggs to market in a basket On the front seat of the truck when we hit a big bump In the road; the basket fell off the seat and all the Eggs broke."
The moral of the story is not to put all Your eggs in one basket..
"Very good," said the teacher.
Next, Mary said, "We are farmers too. We had twenty Eggs waiting to hatch, but when they did we only got Ten chicks."
"The moral of this story is not to count Your chickens before they're hatched .."
"Very good ," said the teacher again, very pleased with The response so far.
Next it was Barney's turn to tell his story: "My dad Told me this story about my Aunt Karen…. Aunt Karen Was a flight engineer in the war and her plane got Hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all She had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a Machete."
"Go on," said the teacher, intrigued.
"Aunt Karen drank the whiskey on the way down to Prepare herself; then she landed right in the middle Of a hundred enemy soldiers. She killed seventy of Them with the machine gun until she ran out of Bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete Till the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten With her bare hands."
"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What did Your father say was the moral of that frightening Story?"
The child said "Stay away from Aunt Karen when she's been Drinking…"
*******
Sunday, July 27, 2008
BALL GAME
A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball Game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his Commands.
When the day of the game arrived. Everything went quite well. As the National Anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up Nuts", and the patients Complied by standing up. After the anthem, he yelled, "Down Nuts", and they
All sat back down in their seats. After a home run was hit, the doctor Yelled, "Cheer Nuts". They all broke out into applause and cheered. When The umpire made a particularly bad call against the star of the home team,
The Doctor yelled, "Booooo Nuts" and they all started booing and cat Calling.
Comfortable with their response, the doctor decided to go get a beer and a Hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned, there was a Riot in progress.
Finding his tizzied assistant, the doctor asked," What in the world Happened?" The assistant replied, "Well everything was going just fine until This guy walked by and yelled, PEANUTS!"
When the day of the game arrived. Everything went quite well. As the National Anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up Nuts", and the patients Complied by standing up. After the anthem, he yelled, "Down Nuts", and they
All sat back down in their seats. After a home run was hit, the doctor Yelled, "Cheer Nuts". They all broke out into applause and cheered. When The umpire made a particularly bad call against the star of the home team,
The Doctor yelled, "Booooo Nuts" and they all started booing and cat Calling.
Comfortable with their response, the doctor decided to go get a beer and a Hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned, there was a Riot in progress.
Finding his tizzied assistant, the doctor asked," What in the world Happened?" The assistant replied, "Well everything was going just fine until This guy walked by and yelled, PEANUTS!"
The Top Dot com naming Misreads!
Looks like these Companies that didn't spend quite enough time considering how their online names might appear .. and be misread.
These are not made up. Check them out yourself! Read the web-sites names closely!
1. "Who Represents" is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their Web site is www.whorepresents.com
Misread by many as "whore presents" do we need to say more!
2 . Experts Exchange is a very popular knowledge base where programmers can exchange
advice and views at its urls is www.expertsexchange.com
Misread by many as "experts sex change".com
3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at www.penisland.net
I wont go in the details about the above one.
4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com
when you look carefully it looks like "the rapist finder".com
5. There's the Italian Power Generator company, www.powergenitalia.com
I Wont get into details about the above, but I am sure you can figure it out!
6. And don't forget the Mole Station Native Nursery in New South Wales, www.molestationnursery.com
Misread as "molestation nursery".com
7. If you're looking for IP computer software, there's always www.ipanywhere.com
I read it as "I P anywhere" you see what i mean
8. The First Cumming Methodist Church Web site is www.cummingfirst.com
All I can say ouch!
9. And the designers at Speed of Art await you at their wacky Web site www.speedofart.com
I misread it as "speed of fart".com
These are not made up. Check them out yourself! Read the web-sites names closely!
1. "Who Represents" is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their Web site is www.whorepresents.com
Misread by many as "whore presents" do we need to say more!
2 . Experts Exchange is a very popular knowledge base where programmers can exchange
advice and views at its urls is www.expertsexchange.com
Misread by many as "experts sex change".com
3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at www.penisland.net
I wont go in the details about the above one.
4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com
when you look carefully it looks like "the rapist finder".com
5. There's the Italian Power Generator company, www.powergenitalia.com
I Wont get into details about the above, but I am sure you can figure it out!
6. And don't forget the Mole Station Native Nursery in New South Wales, www.molestationnursery.com
Misread as "molestation nursery".com
7. If you're looking for IP computer software, there's always www.ipanywhere.com
I read it as "I P anywhere" you see what i mean
8. The First Cumming Methodist Church Web site is www.cummingfirst.com
All I can say ouch!
9. And the designers at Speed of Art await you at their wacky Web site www.speedofart.com
I misread it as "speed of fart".com
Bank Robbery
A man with a gun went into a bank and demanded their money. Once he was
given the money, he turned to a customer and asked,
"Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."
The robber then shot him in the temple, killing him instantly.
He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did
you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did."
given the money, he turned to a customer and asked,
"Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."
The robber then shot him in the temple, killing him instantly.
He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did
you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did."
Getting Used to It
You may have heard about a new bride who was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time.
He responded, "Sure. You carry the suitcases!"
He responded, "Sure. You carry the suitcases!"
Saturday, July 19, 2008
For Girls Searching Software Groom
A conversation abt the process of selecting a software bridegroom….
Enjoy reading….
Vidhya: hey! What is the matter you have called up all of a sudden?
Nithya : do u remember that my parents gave my horoscope, to search for a suitable match, to many people? So many horoscopes of the groom has come.. In that 4-5 seems to match.. I don't know which one to select, I am confused because of it.
Vidhya: what is the confusion about?
Nithya: horoscopes of many software engineers have come. It seems now a days, the software guys are wanting to marry girls in the other field. That's I why I don't know whom I must select among this. You are a software engineer na pls give me some suggestion .
Vidhya: not a problem at all. So tell me the position that each one holds.
nithya: first is a manager.
Vidhya: manager?? Then he will showcast himself that he is busy always. But he will not do anything properly. He will get u 1 kg of rice and ask you to prepare for the whole area say a village. He will get you mutton and ask you to prepare chicken 65. Even if you protest telling you can't make it, he'll not accept. He will tell you to work hard day and night to prepare it. He will also tell he'll provide you with the night cab. Even if you ask how can I prepare chicken 65 out of it by sitting day and night he will not accept.
nithya: ohh..so dangerous he is!! Then I must escape. Next is a test engineer.
Vidhya: he is more dangerous than the other person. Whatever you do he will correctly tell only the fault in it. Even if you try to surprise him with 10 variety of food, he will tell the item which does not have salt in it. If you ask him "will you not at least tell that it is good", he will reply back saying it is your duty to make it good so why must I tell that. He is sooo good …
.
Nithya: then a NO to him also. Next is the performance test engineer.Vidhya: he is another specimen.. even if everything is good, he will ask why did it take this much time. If you take 10 minutes to make a coffee, he will question you asking why you have taken 10 min for a coffee which can be done within 5 min. Even if you say that he is talking about the instant coffee while you have made the filter coffee, he will not accept. The same will be with all the work you do. You must not think about this person if you want to do make up in your life !!!
Nithya: then! you mean to say that we should not marry software guys??
Vidhya: who said like that?? In software there is one more group. They are called the developers group. How much ever you hit them they will bear.Nithya: then tell about them.
Vidhya: you don't have to do anything. They will do everything themselves. If we sit back and just boost them it is enough. But the problem with them is- they will say "I know it" whatever you ask them.
Even that is ok. They will bear how much ever you hit them but the condition is you must keep saying "you are too good" after hitting them every time.Nithya: this is superb. Then we must search for this kind of a groom….
Enjoy reading….
Vidhya: hey! What is the matter you have called up all of a sudden?
Nithya : do u remember that my parents gave my horoscope, to search for a suitable match, to many people? So many horoscopes of the groom has come.. In that 4-5 seems to match.. I don't know which one to select, I am confused because of it.
Vidhya: what is the confusion about?
Nithya: horoscopes of many software engineers have come. It seems now a days, the software guys are wanting to marry girls in the other field. That's I why I don't know whom I must select among this. You are a software engineer na pls give me some suggestion .
Vidhya: not a problem at all. So tell me the position that each one holds.
nithya: first is a manager.
Vidhya: manager?? Then he will showcast himself that he is busy always. But he will not do anything properly. He will get u 1 kg of rice and ask you to prepare for the whole area say a village. He will get you mutton and ask you to prepare chicken 65. Even if you protest telling you can't make it, he'll not accept. He will tell you to work hard day and night to prepare it. He will also tell he'll provide you with the night cab. Even if you ask how can I prepare chicken 65 out of it by sitting day and night he will not accept.
nithya: ohh..so dangerous he is!! Then I must escape. Next is a test engineer.
Vidhya: he is more dangerous than the other person. Whatever you do he will correctly tell only the fault in it. Even if you try to surprise him with 10 variety of food, he will tell the item which does not have salt in it. If you ask him "will you not at least tell that it is good", he will reply back saying it is your duty to make it good so why must I tell that. He is sooo good …
.
Nithya: then a NO to him also. Next is the performance test engineer.Vidhya: he is another specimen.. even if everything is good, he will ask why did it take this much time. If you take 10 minutes to make a coffee, he will question you asking why you have taken 10 min for a coffee which can be done within 5 min. Even if you say that he is talking about the instant coffee while you have made the filter coffee, he will not accept. The same will be with all the work you do. You must not think about this person if you want to do make up in your life !!!
Nithya: then! you mean to say that we should not marry software guys??
Vidhya: who said like that?? In software there is one more group. They are called the developers group. How much ever you hit them they will bear.Nithya: then tell about them.
Vidhya: you don't have to do anything. They will do everything themselves. If we sit back and just boost them it is enough. But the problem with them is- they will say "I know it" whatever you ask them.
Even that is ok. They will bear how much ever you hit them but the condition is you must keep saying "you are too good" after hitting them every time.Nithya: this is superb. Then we must search for this kind of a groom….
American/English
Waiting for the London to Manchester train An American visitor was telling off an Englishman who was trying to read his paper। You English are to stuffy। You set yourselves apart too much। Look at me... in me, I have Italiab blood, French blood, some Polish blood, a little Indian blood, and even some Swedish blood। What do you say about that? The Englishman looked up from reading his paper and said, "Very sporting of your mother"।
Friday, July 18, 2008
Best type of surgical patients
Five surgeons are discussing who are the best type of surgical patients.
The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."
The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The fourth surgeon chimes in, "You know, I like construction workers ... those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, "You're all wrong.
Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There are no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable
The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."
The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The fourth surgeon chimes in, "You know, I like construction workers ... those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, "You're all wrong.
Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There are no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Wrong Number
Child: "Hello?"
Daddy: "Hi honey. It's Daddy. Is Mommy nearby?"
Child: "No Daddy. Mommy's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."
Daddy: "Honey, you don't have an Uncle Paul."
Child: "Yes I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy."
Brief Pause.
Daddy: "Okay, honey. I want you to put the phone down on the table and run upstairs. Knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."
Child: "Okay Daddy, just a minute."
Moments later the little girl comes back to the phone.
Child: "I did it, Daddy."
Daddy: "What happened, honey?"
Child: "Well, Mommy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and began running and screaming. She tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"
Daddy: "Oh my God! What about your Uncle Paul?"
Child: "He jumped out of bed with no clothes on, too. Then he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool. I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."
***Long Pause***
Daddy: "Swimming pool? Is this 486-5731?"
Child: No its 484-2731.
Daddy: "Hi honey. It's Daddy. Is Mommy nearby?"
Child: "No Daddy. Mommy's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."
Daddy: "Honey, you don't have an Uncle Paul."
Child: "Yes I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy."
Brief Pause.
Daddy: "Okay, honey. I want you to put the phone down on the table and run upstairs. Knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."
Child: "Okay Daddy, just a minute."
Moments later the little girl comes back to the phone.
Child: "I did it, Daddy."
Daddy: "What happened, honey?"
Child: "Well, Mommy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and began running and screaming. She tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"
Daddy: "Oh my God! What about your Uncle Paul?"
Child: "He jumped out of bed with no clothes on, too. Then he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool. I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."
***Long Pause***
Daddy: "Swimming pool? Is this 486-5731?"
Child: No its 484-2731.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Moral @ Work place.
A Junior Software engineer, a Senior Software engineer and their Project
Manager are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they
come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The
ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three,
I will allow one wish each". So the eager Junior Software engineer
shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas , on a fast
boat and have no worries. "Pfufffff" and he was gone. Now the Senior
Software engineer could not keep quiet and shouted " I want to be in
Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails. "Pfufffff"
and he was also gone.
The Project Manager calmly said," I want these two idiots back in the
office after lunch at 1.30pm"
Moral of the story is:
"Always allow the boss to speak first"
Manager are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they
come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The
ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three,
I will allow one wish each". So the eager Junior Software engineer
shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas , on a fast
boat and have no worries. "Pfufffff" and he was gone. Now the Senior
Software engineer could not keep quiet and shouted " I want to be in
Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails. "Pfufffff"
and he was also gone.
The Project Manager calmly said," I want these two idiots back in the
office after lunch at 1.30pm"
Moral of the story is:
"Always allow the boss to speak first"
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