Airline Humour!

Lufthansa Airlines

Passengers on a Lufthansa flight heard this announcement from thecaptain:"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we havelost power to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean".

The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation but weresomewhat comforted by the captain's next announcement.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Lufthansa have prepared for such anemergency and we would now like you to rearrange your seating so thatall the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane and all theswimmers are on the right side of the plane.

After this announcement all the passengers rearranged their seating tocomply with the captain's request.

Two minutes later the captain made a belly landing in the ocean. Thecaptain once again made an announcement:

"Ladies and Gentlemen we have crashed into the ocean. All of theswimmers on the right side of the plane open your emergency exits andquickly swim away from the plane.

For all of the non-swimmers on the left side of plane... -Thank You forFlying Lufthansa- ".

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Delta Airlines

At the airport for a trip, I settled down to wait for the boardingannouncement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the public addresssystem saying,

"We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will boardfrom Gate 41."

So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41.

Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570would in fact be boarding from Gate 35. So again we gathered ourcarry-on luggage and returned to the original gate.

Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke "Thank Youfor participating in Delta's physical fitness program."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

British Airways

"This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like towelcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London .

We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across theAtlantic."

"If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft,you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire.

"If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe thatthe port wing has fallen off."

"If you look down towards the Atlantic Ocean , you will see a littleyellow life raft with three people in it waving at you. That's me yourcaptain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is arecorded message."