A guy woke up at home with a huge hangover. He forced himself to open
his eyes, and the first thing he saw is a couple of aspirins and a glass
of water on the side table. He sat down and sees his clothing in front
of him, all clean and pressed.
He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless,
clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a
note on the table. "Hey Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early
to go shopping. Love You!"
So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and
the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. He asks,
"Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious.
Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black
eye when you stumbled into the door". Confused, the man asks, "So, why
is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table
waiting for me? I should expect a big quarrel with her!"
His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she
tried to take your clothes n shoes off, you said,
"Hey!!!!!!! Leave me alone! I'm married!"
Moral
Breakfast -- Rs. 100.00
Self-induced hangover -- Rs. 2000.00
Broken furniture -- Rs. 20,000.00
Saying the Right Thing While Drunk - PRICELESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, July 06, 2007
Thursday, July 05, 2007
MBA Vs BE Student
This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition organized in Britain and this joke was sent by an Indian......
A MBA and a BE go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fell asleep.
Some hours later, the BE wakes his MBA friend. " look up at the sky and tell me what you see?"
The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
The MBA ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you?"
The BE is silent for a moment, then speaks.
"Practically...Someone has stolen our tent".
A MBA and a BE go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fell asleep.
Some hours later, the BE wakes his MBA friend. " look up at the sky and tell me what you see?"
The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
The MBA ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you?"
The BE is silent for a moment, then speaks.
"Practically...Someone has stolen our tent".
Monday, July 02, 2007
Wimpy Dads
Two kids are arguing over whose father is the biggest scaredy-cat.
The first kid says, "My dad is so scared that when lightning strikes, he hides underneath the bed."The second kid replies, "Yeah?
Well, that's nothing.My dad is so scared that when my mom has to work the nightshift, he sleeps with the lady next door."
The first kid says, "My dad is so scared that when lightning strikes, he hides underneath the bed."The second kid replies, "Yeah?
Well, that's nothing.My dad is so scared that when my mom has to work the nightshift, he sleeps with the lady next door."
"its hard to beat a mallu "
Helmet has become compulsory in kerala too..
But person sitting in the back is exempted..
Looks like our folks've found a work around..
Looks like our folks've found a work around..
Check out the pic ;-)
.JPG)
Sunday, July 01, 2007
Munna Bhai Jokes!
PROFESSOR
Gandhi Jayanti ke baray mein kya jantey ho?
MUNNA BHAI
Gandhi bahut jabardast aadmi tha, Baap. Maa Kasam, par apun ko yeh nehin malum ke yeh Jayanti kaun hai.
_______________________________________
CIRCUIT
Bhai, Bapu ne bola tha ke kabhi jhoot nehin bolna mangta hai. Apun aaj se kabhi jhoot nehin bolega Bhai.
MUNNA BHAI
Aye Circuit, woh Sunita ka baap aya hai terayko dund rehla hai.
CIRCUIT
Bhai usko bolo apun gaon gaya hai, kheti karneko.
MUNNA BHAI
Par Circuit, abhi to tu bola kabhi jhoot nehin bolega.
CIRCUIT
Bhai, apun jhoot nehin bolega, par tum to bol sakta hai na.
_______________________________________
MAMU
Chand toh raat ko nikalta hai, aaj din mein kaise nikal aya?
GIRL
Ullu to raat ko bolta hai, aaj din mein kaise bol pada
_______________________________________
CIRCUIT
Bhai, woh apnay bachpan ka dost aarehla aaj raat ko dinner pe. Mera sara chain collection apnay kamray mein chupa do na please.
MUNNABHAI
Kyun tera dost chor hai kya?
CIRCUIT
Nehin Bhai, woh apnay chain pechan lega.
_______________________________________
MAMU
Bhai, apnay ko char mahinay mein Tamil sikhna padega. Kuch upay batao.
MUNNA BHAI
Kannada kyun, aur char mahinay ka kya chakkar hai?
MAMU
Meinay ek Tamil baccha adopt kiya hai, aur woh char mahinay mein bolne lagay ga .
_______________________________________
PROFESSOR
Akal badi ki bhais?
MUNNA BHAI
Bole toh pehlay date of birth bata mamu.
_______________________________________
MUNNA BHAI
Circuit, bole toh yeh Ford kya hai?
CIRCUIT
Bhai, gaadi hai.
MUNNA BHAI
Toh phir, yeh Oxford kya hai?
CIRCUIT
Bole toh, simple hai bhai, Ox mane Bael, Ford mane gaadi. Oxford bole toh Baelgaadi.
_______________________________________
Circuit takes a flight to Singapore and he is seated next to an Englishman. Circuit open his tiffin and serves himself a roti.
ENGLISHMAN
What is this?
CIRCUIT
Bread India
Circuit then open the box of jalebi.
ENGLISHMAN
What is this?
CIRCUIT
Sweet India
With all the food he hogged on, Munna farts. The Englishman is offended and in shock asks ...
ENGLISHMAN
What is that?
CIRCUIT
Air IndiaSunita
_______________________________________
CIRCUIT
Aye Mamu, tereko papad aur jhapad mein pharak pata hai kya?
MAMU
Nehin.
CIRCUIT
To kha ke dekh le, pata chal jayega.
_______________________________________
MUNNA BHAI
Mamu, apun bachpan mein dus maley ke building se gir gaya tha.
MAMU
Aarey, phir kya hua. Bach gaya ki tapak gaya?
MUNNA BHAI
Yaad nehin hai yaar. Bahut purane baat hai.
_______________________________________
MUNNA BHAI
Mamu, tu kitna pada hai?
MAMU
B.A.
MUNNA BHAI
Sala, two akshar pada aur woh bhi ulta?
_______________________________________
MAMU
Oye, maar gayay yaar. Meri biwi aur premika saath saath aa rehla hai.
MAMU KA DOST
Arrey, mein bhi yehi bolnewala tha.
_______________________________________
CIRCUIT
Oye Short Circuit yeh light bulb pe baap ka naam kya likh raha hai?
SHORT CIRCUIT
Apun baap ka naam roshan kar rehle hai.
_______________________________________
PRINCIPAL
Agar koi ladka girls hostel mein gaya toh first time 100 Rs fine, 2nd time 200 Rs. Fine and 3rd time 500.
MUNNA BHAI
Monthly paas ka kya lega Mamu.
Wonderful!!! - Hair Raising truth!!!
"Hello friends!! Well, jayant , my friend, told me the following incident which I wish to share with you. It has had a deep impact on my thinking.
In the diwali vacation, Jayant and his couple of friends had gone to Delhi. They rented a taxi for local sight-seeing. The driver was an old Sardar, and boys being boys, Jayant and his pals began cracking Sardarji jokes, just to insinuate the old man. But to their surprise, the fellow remained unperturbed.
At the end of the sight-seeing, they paid up the hire-charges. The Sardar returned the change. Moreover, he gave each one of them one rupee extra and said, (in Hindi, of course),
''Son, since morning you have been telling Sardarji jokes. I listened to them all and let me tell you, some of them were in a very bad taste. Still, I don't mind coz I know that you are young blood and are yet to see the world. But I have just one request. Here I am giving you one rupee each. Give it to the first Sardar beggar that you come across in this city."
Jayant continued," That one rupee coin is still with me. I couldn't find a single Sardar begging on the streets of Delhi."
Friends, we all love sardar jokes. But the fact of matter is that Sikhs are one of the most prosperous and diversified communities in the world. The secret behind their universal success, according to me, is their willingness to do any job with utmost dedication. A Sardar will drive a truck or set up a roadside garage or a dhaba, but he will never beg on the streets.
In the diwali vacation, Jayant and his couple of friends had gone to Delhi. They rented a taxi for local sight-seeing. The driver was an old Sardar, and boys being boys, Jayant and his pals began cracking Sardarji jokes, just to insinuate the old man. But to their surprise, the fellow remained unperturbed.
At the end of the sight-seeing, they paid up the hire-charges. The Sardar returned the change. Moreover, he gave each one of them one rupee extra and said, (in Hindi, of course),
''Son, since morning you have been telling Sardarji jokes. I listened to them all and let me tell you, some of them were in a very bad taste. Still, I don't mind coz I know that you are young blood and are yet to see the world. But I have just one request. Here I am giving you one rupee each. Give it to the first Sardar beggar that you come across in this city."
Jayant continued," That one rupee coin is still with me. I couldn't find a single Sardar begging on the streets of Delhi."
Friends, we all love sardar jokes. But the fact of matter is that Sikhs are one of the most prosperous and diversified communities in the world. The secret behind their universal success, according to me, is their willingness to do any job with utmost dedication. A Sardar will drive a truck or set up a roadside garage or a dhaba, but he will never beg on the streets.
Jokes!
Generation Next Motto:
Na hum shaadi karenge,
na apne bachchon ko karne denge.
---------------
"U love someone
U marry someone else.
The one u marry becomes ur wife or husband.
And the one u loved becomes the password of Ur mail id"
---------------
There's only one perfect child in the world & every mother has it.
There's only one perfect wife in the world & every neighbour has it.
---------------
If someone says u r ugly, its ok, if someone says u r stupid, its ok,
If someone says u r genius slap him as tight as you can n say there
is a limit of kidding n u r now crossing the limit.
---------------
Three dreams of a man:
To be as handsome as his mother thinks.
To be as rich as his child believes.
To have as many women as his wife suspects...
---------------
Husband & wife are like liver and kidney. Husband is liver & wife kidney.
If liver fails, kidney fails. If kidney fails, liver manages with other kidney.
---------------
What's the diff between Dava & Daru?
Dava is like girlfriend, that comes with expiry date
and Daru is like wife, Jitni purani hogi utna sir chadhh ke bolegi.
---------------
Wife ko Begum kyon kehte hain?
Kyonki shaadi ke baad saare gum to husband ke hisse mein aate hain or
wife Be-Gum ho jaat hai.
---------------
The Japanese have produced a camera that has such a fast shutter
speed it can take a picture of a woman with her mouth shut!
Na hum shaadi karenge,
na apne bachchon ko karne denge.
---------------
"U love someone
U marry someone else.
The one u marry becomes ur wife or husband.
And the one u loved becomes the password of Ur mail id"
---------------
There's only one perfect child in the world & every mother has it.
There's only one perfect wife in the world & every neighbour has it.
---------------
If someone says u r ugly, its ok, if someone says u r stupid, its ok,
If someone says u r genius slap him as tight as you can n say there
is a limit of kidding n u r now crossing the limit.
---------------
Three dreams of a man:
To be as handsome as his mother thinks.
To be as rich as his child believes.
To have as many women as his wife suspects...
---------------
Husband & wife are like liver and kidney. Husband is liver & wife kidney.
If liver fails, kidney fails. If kidney fails, liver manages with other kidney.
---------------
What's the diff between Dava & Daru?
Dava is like girlfriend, that comes with expiry date
and Daru is like wife, Jitni purani hogi utna sir chadhh ke bolegi.
---------------
Wife ko Begum kyon kehte hain?
Kyonki shaadi ke baad saare gum to husband ke hisse mein aate hain or
wife Be-Gum ho jaat hai.
---------------
The Japanese have produced a camera that has such a fast shutter
speed it can take a picture of a woman with her mouth shut!
Why Am I Married!
You have two choices in life:You can stay single and be miserable orget married and wish you were dead.
An annoyed woman shouted out to another woman If I were married to you, I would feed you poison. The other woman yelled back, And if I were married to you, I would take it.
When a woman steals your husband,there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
Married life is full of excitement and frustration
They say when a man holds a womans hand before the marriage, it is in love. After the marriage, it is in self defence.
A young son asked,"Is it true d ad that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."
Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence- a life sentence.
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.
Just think if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
Chinese man took his pregnant wife to the hospital to deliver.The wife gave birth to a black baby. The Chinese man was shocked and named the child. SOM TIN RONG.
"A Woman's Prayer:Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, to understand a man, to Love and to forgive him, and for patience, for his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death
An annoyed woman shouted out to another woman If I were married to you, I would feed you poison. The other woman yelled back, And if I were married to you, I would take it.
When a woman steals your husband,there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
Married life is full of excitement and frustration
They say when a man holds a womans hand before the marriage, it is in love. After the marriage, it is in self defence.
A young son asked,"Is it true d ad that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."
Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence- a life sentence.
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.
Just think if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
Chinese man took his pregnant wife to the hospital to deliver.The wife gave birth to a black baby. The Chinese man was shocked and named the child. SOM TIN RONG.
"A Woman's Prayer:Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, to understand a man, to Love and to forgive him, and for patience, for his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death
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